The Worst Experience of our USA Adoption: Part 2
As I mentioned yesterday, I am doing three posts on the worst experiences of our USA adoption. You can read the first post here.
The second horrible event was when we were in the USA, our agency told us about a new fee. We were told to pay it immediately.
We didn’t argue paying it. In fact, at no time did we argue with them about anything – we learned very quickly that as long as we were in the USA waiting for the judge to sign the paperwork, we were at the mercy of the USA agency. So, we kept our mouths shut and played by their ever-changing, and crazy rules. Quiet frankly, we knew we couldn’t risk pissing them off.
Anyways, we simply asked what the bill was for, as they didn’t even give us an invoice for it, which meant we had absolutely no explanation. I generally think it’s fair to ask why I’m paying something, as in, what service did you provide or will you be providing, that I need to pay you for?
The response to this question still makes my blood boil – Money doesn’t matter. If you don’t like it, or cannot pay it, then just give Little MPB back and go home.
Ummm…first, all the legal placement paperwork prepared by our lawyers, signed by our son’s birth mother and ourselves, does not give them unilateral power to take Little MPB away from us. In fact, the paperwork states that they are overseeing the placement of Little MPB to Mr. & Mrs. MPB – the names are explicit in the legal documents to ensure agencies cannot “change” placements. In all the documents we signed there was no exception for Little MPB to re-homed with any other family – trust me, our lawyers were very clear on this when I asked them. Basically, the agency is legally required to place our son with us, as by this time we have met all the legal requirements to be adoptive parents and the birth parent has explicitly chosen us. So in my mind this threat was nothing short of illegal. Second, do not for a second, think it is okay to suggest to any parent to pay a bill or have your child taken away – that is blackmail. Plain and simple. I’d even go so far as to say it was emotional blackmail.
Again, at no point in time did we say we wouldn’t pay, we just inquired what the additional fee was for. We are fully within our rights to ask these types of questions and should at bare minimum be treated respectfully when we do.
Under no circumstance should adoptive parents be threatened with having their child taken away if they ask simple question about payment.
I will never forgive them for this comment. This agency’s role was supposed to put Little MPB’s needs above all else, and this type of a threat is simply inexplicable to me
Mr. MPB and I are not the type of people to sit back and let abuses happen, but even our lawyers and our Canadian agency advised us to bite our tongues until we got back to Canada. Simply we knew this was a situation where we couldn’t fight for what was right. At least note while our son’s basic care was at risk. If they could dare to make this threat, then what would stop them from breaking the law and actually take our son away from us? No parent, should ever be left wondering this, especially as a result of a adoption agency.
It was this comment that made me realize that our USA agency was nothing more then a profit making machine.
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Ugh. My blood just boils that this happened to you. I know that adoption can be a morally difficult undertaking — of course, in the best scenario, the placement is in everyone’s best interest and the child’s needs are paramount, but you are really opening my eyes to some of the ways in which the system is abused. I’m so sorry you had to experience that bullying/blackmail from your agency, and that you had to feel so powerless to protect your son. Were you able to file an official complaint after the fact?
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Oh my friend, your so right about adoption being a morally difficult undertaking. We fully acknowledge we were naïve to how different the Canadian system and the USA system are. In Canada, at least my part of Canada, everything is done with social workers leading the process. It’s not perfect, but the children are generally put first. In the USA, our agency did not employ a social worker to our knowledge. They were simply a business with profit as their motive. Our lawyer did, and that social worker was phenomenal. But, that social worker was working around the agency to make things as best as possible.
We did file a complain with our local agency and our local government. But not with anyone in the USA.
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I am so sorry. You should go
public and really really expose them. you and Mr MPB could afford, what if it was another Canadian family who really couldnt afford then? Adoption is already an
emotional roller coaster and no agency has any right to put any parent through this. i am sorry to say, I do not agree to your not making the name of this agency public.
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You make such a good point about others who may not be able to afford it, but I will say that agency knows your finances inside and out when they agree to work with you, so it’s very likely they only have clients who can “afford” to be blackmailed. That doesn’t make it right, but it is what it is, sadly.
As for going public with their name, we have placed official complains on this side of the border. Maybe at some point we will do the same in the USA. The problem with releasing their name on my blog is that I will no longer be anonymous, which for bigger reasons is something I’m not ready to do yet.
P.S. – tomorrow’s part is worse.
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Oh my god…you are a better person than I am!! I would ABSOLUTELY be posting the agency name, writing articles for papers and reviewing them online. Little MPB’s adoption is complete, and I would definitely run it by your lawyer first to ensure they cannot hurt you now – but you have a right to share your (horrible) experiences about the agency and others who may consider using them should know about it.
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Above all else, given everything you’ve already been through, this adoption SHOULD have been the least stressful thing. The agency should have been the last people making it worse. I am so glad it’s done, over with, and little MPB is yours!
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We have lodged official complaints about the agency with our province and our local adoption agency. They know what the details of we went through. We have not placed any formal complains in the USA, but that’s in large part because we just finished the process and wouldn’t dare to have said anything until we were fully free and clear of them. Also, I don’t really even know who to complain too – I still need to look into that.
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Also – the fees should have been agreed to in advance. Anything that crops up mid adoption and comes with threats seems like a scam to me! Ugh it makes my blood boil for you…slash I cannot imagine what your third item is going to be!
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I absolutely agree with this! Our fees just continually went up and up and up. When we signed up we expected to pay about $25,000-40,000. Instead we were over $80,000!
Ya, the third one is even worse….
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Horrible! Shame on them for taking advantage of people who are desperate! I am so glad you have baby MPB now…and I don’t blame you one bit for not being sure you want to do this ever again. Hugs!!
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Wow. My jaw is on the floor. What a terrible agency and a terrible comment.
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It was truly horrible. And sadly, what they said and did to us next was even worse….
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I tend to agree with RavenTheRambler, I think you should at least do online reviews, most of those you can do anonymously, but that is not right for them to say that to anybody, and other perspective adoptive parents should be able to read such horrible reviews about them before pursuing adoption through that agency.
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Actually, funny enough, they did ask us to provide them with a review for their website, but only if we would say positive things – we declined.
We have formally complained to our province and our local agency – they know the details of what we went through. We haven’t done anything in the USA yet, now that the adoption is completely complete, I will probably look into how to formally complain.
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This is beyond horrible. Pure blackmail, and maked you think about how they see the children 😦 as pawns? To be thrown into foster care until some other family has paid?
It just cannot be legal for a company to just ask for money with no invoice. But of course people pay in that situation. Incredible callousness.
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It was nothing short of blackmail, and we had no choice but to pay. But, what bothered me so much was their response to us asking for more details on what the payment was for. Everything about it was just so incredibly wrong.
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That is unbelievable – I can’t believe they would do something like that after a reasonable request to understand why they are asking for more money.
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I also still cannot believe they would respond the way they did to our request for an explanation. Nothing about this was okay.
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I hope there’s some way you can spread the word about which specific agency this is and also keep your anonymity, but I suspect there isn’t.
This is so awful and now I’m terrified about what they could possibly have done that was *worse*.
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Sadly, it got worse from here. Money is just money. What they did next took it to a whole new level….
And yes, the struggle about sharing their name is about my anonymity. I haven’t figured out how to get around that. But I do hope to.
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you dont need to link it to the blog, but really, there will be some adoption sites where people look for advise / tips or experiences?am sure a lot of poeple who are looking to adopt do scour the internet for any information, hust post it there. you can still be anonymous to the world, only those who will look for any review/ experience on that particular agency will google and reach you. no way to trace it back to your blog or identity. i am dreading to hear what the next post from you will be.
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w.t.a.f…
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Very well said….
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Oh. my. god. This is disgusting… I’m so sorry…
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Thanks Amy.
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That is horrible!!!! Maybe contact the better business bureau in the USA and inform them about this company they are supposed to help prevent companies from doing this kind of thing at the very least they could direct you to who you should contact on the USA side
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Oh, that just makes me feel really dirty and disgusted.
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Oh wow. That is horrifying. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this.
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I don’t have words. Well. I have lots of words, but I’m guessing you’ve already said all the words I’m thinking. I am so, so deeply and truly sorry that you had to experience such emotional blackmail, such horrific, inhumane, *mean* treatment. Your family did not deserve this. I’m so sorry.
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I am so angry on your behalf. This is why overseas countries close international adoptions. The profits lead to some really dodgy practices. I remember seeing a documentary where the paperwork was all forged and the children weren’t orphans like the adoption agency said they were. Where there is profit, there are greedu bastards with shonky practices. They basically blackmailed you and did not give a hoot about baby MPBs best interests. That is so corrupt. I can’t believe it gets worse!! The adoption industry needs a massive shakeup and some oversight. This agency should be closed down. How many other families have they done this too!!
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I am read this post and was cussing out this agency! They should have never emotional blackmailed you!!! It’s bull shit! I know my wisconsin agency was horrible too and they charged my sons adoptive parents for everything and some of it was uncalled for! They tried to say if they did not pay than they would stop the adoption in their state which is BS if you ask me! I was so happy to be done with the agency in Wisconsin
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I don’t have anything nice to say about this, so I’m just going to zip it. There’s no reason in the world that they should have responded to you in that way. It’s understandable why you just paid, but that’s just disgusting.
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I am so F***ING MAD RIGHT NOW! I can’t even believe this happened! I am so scared to read what comes next. I know you are ready for all of this to be done, and I don’t blame you ONE BIT. But I wish something could be done about this. That place needs to be SHUT DOWN. Did you Canadian Lawyers have any advice for it? What is their thought? Is there anything you can do now that you are back? (Again, I understand that you just want this fight to be over).
I still cannot believe this piece of S*** agency and employers. They have NO souls. Only pockets to fill.
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Sounds like Hague convention doesn’t apply to them afterall…
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My thoughts exactly!!!!
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HOLY COW!!! That is criminal. So awful.
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Wtf! Speechless. What assholes!
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oh wow that’s awful. something doesn’t sound right…you had every reason to ask what any and all fees were for!
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UGH. This is awful. UGH.
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Please tell me now that this is finalized you will write a scathing review of this agency! Their behavior is unacceptable and whoever said that to you, should be fired. Now that it’s over, I’d be writing a review everywhere I could on that pls lie so that others are warned what could happen. I am so sorry they did that to you. As if that time isn’t emotionally trying enough!
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WTAF??? I can’t believe that. I’m so surprised considering the culture of suing here in US. I can’t begin to imagine how you felt.
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Thank you for sharing all of these accounts how incredibly awful for you guys, in a foreign country desperate to protect your little baby. I’m so sorry you had to endure this and it makes me sad that others probably have as well.
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