Adoption Agency Re-Evaluation
I feel like I’ve spent the last week obsessively focusing on all our family drama and all the accompanying emotions. I’m still hurting, but I also recognize that I cannot get stuck in a place of hurt at the expense of all the other things in our lives, most importantly our adoption stuff that while at times is stressful, is also incredibly exciting.
So, with that, I’m going to share what we have been up-to since we got so annoyed at the USA agency last week.
First, a few bloggers were just phenomenal with their advice and some even found the legislation that I so desperately needed. Thank you so much to so many of you, but particularly to Bruised Banana and Spirit Baby Come Home. I am just so unbelievably thankful for all your support and advice helping me figure out things well beyond my knowledge base.
First, I talked with my counsellor. Her first advice was that we don’t get scared away based on one bad conversation. She helped me see that with our insensitive family stuff happening at the same time, we were probably feeling rather sensitive about everything. Further, she reminded me that my gut reaction has never lead me wrong, and my first gut reaction months ago, was that this is the agency for us. They are Hague Accredited, and approved by our province, neither of those tasks are small accomplishments – seriously, today only 5 USA agencies have met this criteria.
Second, I took a deep breath. I realize this might not be news worthy to many, but when I get stressed I tend to stop breathing like a normal human being. And of course a lack of oxygen and a racing mind results in exaggerated stress.
Third, I reached out to someone else in my real life who has adopted more than once from the USA, and recently chose to change agencies to the same one we are considering. I shared my concerns with her, and she let me know she had all the same concerns at one point too. And, then she did the most amazing thing, she found me all the answers that directly pertain to the agency we planned to use! She’s further into the process then we are, and so she was able to share what she has learned through her lawyer. How amazing was that?! She also reminded me that ultimately we will work with our lawyer more then we will the agency, but we just have to wait out the process to get the lawyer. So, for now we’ve decided not to hire our own private lawyer and risk stepping offside of the required process (which is something we were really worried about).
Fourth, we re-called the other 4 agencies available to us. Turns out, 3 of them are currently closed to out-going international adoptions. And, we still really don’t like the 4th one and simply will not adopt through them. So, we really don’t have much choice if we want to proceed with an international infant adoption – we have to use the agency we originally preferred.
So, this means we are proceeding with the same agency as before. And we are now doing so with our eyes even more wide open to the possibility of receiving confusing information from them. This also means, we will continue to educate and advocate for ourselves.
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