A Tribute to A Mother & A Little Girl I Have Never Actually Met

I am sitting here in what has morphed into my usual writing spot.  It’s a chair that we bought second hand, it has spots of wear that show someone loved it before me. I love each spot of this chair because I like to believe that someone likely sat here passing the hours doing something they love, much like I am doing now. I like to imagine the happiness that someone else experienced sitting right here, before me.

This chair, this spot in my home has become very special to me in the last few months.  It is where I get my creative genius (and not so creative genius) on.  It’s where I dream about our future and remember my past. In this place I feel most connected to myself.  It’s silly because it’s just a space, but yet in the last few months it has quite clearly become my space.

Yesterday, my space took an unexpected turn as I sat here feeling absolutely devastated.  I did not cry for myself.  I did not cry for our lost babies that I will never hold in my arms.  I did not cry over a new and unexpected adoption frustration.  I did no cry because I want another moment with my mom and sister.  No tears were spilled due to someone’s insensitivity.

Instead, I I had tears running down my cheeks because the world lost a true angle and one mother is entering a world of pain and hurt that no-one should ever have to experience.  And, for me the odd part of my strong emotional reaction is that I have never actually met this little girl or her mother, and yet this duo has profoundly impacted my life.  So today, I want to take a moment and appreciate all of them, and all that this little girl was, and will always be.

The little girl I’m talking about is Eva, over at The One In A Million Baby.

20150227 - A Tribute...When I woke up yesterday morning, the very first post I saw was this post.  Based on the title, I innocently assumed by the post’s title that Eva had slept wonderfully and her dear mother Tessa was excited to share another achievement.  Instead, Tessa’s precious little girl unexpectedly died.

As I said, I have never met Tessa or Eva in real life.  But, both of these wonderful individuals have enriched my life and I feel compelled to share the lessons I have learned from this wonderful mother and daughter.

Eva was a beautiful little girl, inside and out.  Unfortunately, the day she entered the world, the odds were stacked against her.  But somehow, she overcame everything and she often did so with a smile!  Eva constantly surpassed all expectations.  Eva constantly brought happiness to those around her.  With every story, video and picture, Eva encapsulated the innocence of life. Her beauty and her courage always made me smile in awe.

I am also in awe of Eva’s mommy, Tessa.  Tessa struggled with becoming a parent to a child with special needs, as I suspect virtually everyone else would.  What made he amazing is that she shared things that most people simply would choose not to talk about and in fact she has withstood attacks for decisions she made that were the best decisions she could make at the time. Yet by sharing her entire story, she has undoubtedly inspired many families raising children with special needs.  And, she has also inspired people like me, that don’t really have a comparable situation.  She has inspired me to continue to authentic in my writing and my sharing no matter the negativity that may occur from time to time.  And much more importantly she has inspired me to remember that no matter the circumstance we can overcome the worst of things to live a full life.  With every medical diagnosis her daughter faced, she persevered and made it through until the next day.  With ever bad day, she found a way for herself and for her daughter.  Tessa always had her daughter’s well-being as her absolute first priority, and would have done anything to make her daughter’s life just a little bit easier.  Tessa’s love for her daughter is evident with every single word and picture.  Simply, I aspire to be half the mother Tessa is to her sweet little girl.

Tessa, thank you for sharing yourself and your little girl with me, and the entire world.  My life has been enriched by knowing you both. The afterlife deeply confuses me, but I adamantly believe that Eva is no longer suffering.  And I know you are now walking the hardest path you will ever traverse. I have no idea the pain you are currently experiencing, but I know the hole that has been left in my heart and soul when I lost my mom and sister almost 18 years ago and I know nothing will ever fill that hole just as nothing will ever fill the Eva’s void in your heart.  I wish I could wrap you in a giant hug, and offer you a safe space to grieve.

I hope you know that Eva is missed and will forever be remembered fondly.  You are both deeply loved.  While I cannot take away your pain, please know that I (and others) will be here cheering you on from across the world.

If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

18 Comments on “A Tribute to A Mother & A Little Girl I Have Never Actually Met

  1. I just went and read her original post and now I want to throw up. I have experienced loss in my life, but I cannot imagine losing a child. I think I would just want to die right along with them. I want to leave work right and hug my sweet Lettie to make sure she is safe. We should be able to keep our children safe. Every single child in this world should be able to live a long, healthy life. Eva seemed to have touched so many people in her short life, so I hope Tessa can take something strength from that in the days ahead. My heart is literally hurting for her right now.

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  2. I was also so touched by Eva and Tessa. I loved reading about their journey and tried to offer help and support when I thought I had any professional information that would be helpful. I and was shocked and saddened by yesterday’s news. I’ve cried many times since as well. Before beginning this blogging journey, I honestly didn’t understand the power of online connections, but Tessa has created such a beautiful, supportive community around the world with her honesty, strength and love.

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    • I absolutely understand what you mean about being surprised by the power of the blogging community connections. I think the outpouring of love and support for Tessa is a testament to the strength of these relationships.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much for your beautiful words. One thing that is keeping my head above water right now is reading these amazing tributes to Eva from people she never even met. She has made such a difference in this world and I take comfort in that. Thank you.

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  4. That is so sad. I am praying for Tessa and her family. It just makes me want to cry for all her pain.

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  5. What an amazing story! There is so much that goes on in a parent’s life when they are caring for a child with chronic and acute illnesses. It is a fear, guilt ridden, difficult time. While your little one is suffering what you can only imagine, your heart is breaking to pieces. My love goes out to Tess today and her beautiful daughter Tessa. I am going to reblog this because tomorrow is Rare Diseases Day and I am trying to bring awareness. Thank you for posting.

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  6. Reblogged this on I Am Not Sick Boy and commented:
    It is RARE DISEASES DAY and I just found this post on ‘my perfect breakdown.’ While we think about all of the children with chronic illnesses, we need to remember that their parents are going through unimaginable pain themselves’s.

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