Did I Actually Write That?!
Holy, shit, I cannot believe I complained about that.
The whole post was motivated because I’m generally frustrated with the costs associated with infertility and adoption, which I think almost everyone can relate to. And in fact the comments I received clearly indicate that people can and do relate.
But the reason I cannot believe I complained like that is that the actual driver of that post was the fact that we have cancelled a trip due to stretching ourselves too thin with the cost of international adoption. I complained because I’m mad that we cannot take a month off work and travel – seriously, who complains about that!? And even more I cannot believe I wrote it and shared it. I feel like a horribly ungrateful person, and I pride myself on not being a decent person not a horribly ungrateful person.
Honestly, when I re-read yesterday’s post, for the first time ever I wanted to delete something I had written and shared. As a blogger who shares about many intimately personal topics including my family struggles, our miscarriages, our adoption, my happiness search, my desire to be positive in the face of significant life challenges, etc., this is the first time I have ever questioned sharing something. Honestly, part of me wants to push delete and pretend that I hadn’t given those thoughts the light of day in my own mind, let alone shared them with the world.
Clearly, I could have written yesterday’s post in a much less whiny way, unfortunately I didn’t and that’s now part of my written history. What is done is done. And while I’m horribly embarrassed by my complaining and whining yesterday, after much thought I have decided not to delete the post. I think there is a place for the conversation about the cost of infertility and adoption and the things we give up to try build our families. Heck, I think it’s a critical conversation to have with society at large. I probably should have focused on writing more about how the costs we face to build our families the non traditional way change how many of us live on a daily basis. Some of us are borrowing money from our family to afford IVF treatment; some are using online fundraisers to help pay the bills; some are using credit; and, some are working full time at jobs they hate to get by and some simply are not proceeding because they cannot afford it. While our family building decisions shouldn’t come down to the cost, the reality is that our availability of money is one of the largest hurdles that most people face. And regardless of exactly how we are affording our exact situation, the fact is many of us are stretching ourselves so thin that we are no longer able to live our versions of normal.
Ultimately, I should be focusing on the fact that we are fortunate to be able to afford all of our bills (so far). Yes, we are giving up a vacation, but as Mr. MPB said, Alaska and Northern Canada aren’t going anywhere so we can keep dreaming. And, as BattleFish suggested, we can now plan the trip for when our children are old enough to enjoy it with us. While I am still a bit disappointed, both of these facts are so incredibly true.
So, today I am going am going to take a hint from Empty Arms, Full Hearts who is inspiring me daily as she counts her blessings. Today, I am going to focus on the fact that I am grateful that we are not giving up our daily food or the roof over our heads.
If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.