Saying Goodbye

Friday morning at about 10:00am our vet called us.  It turned out that weird empty space was just an oddly large fat deposit. She evidently had a small liver and spleen which weren’t causing any significant problems, but they were oddly small for her size.  Hence the fatty area. But that is where the good news stopped.  Instead, we were informed that she had:

  • A small heart that was struggling to supply her 90lbs body with enough blood.  Her heart was weak.  Very weak.
  • Thickening of her small intestine and colon indicated advance stage lymphoma.  But, regardless of the suspicion of lymphoma, the fact was that the walls were so thick that her intestines had stopped working.  As in, she could no longer process food.  Anything she ate would have to come out via vomiting.  Hence, the recent increase in vomit episodes and the lack of eating.
  • Internal bleeding.

We were and still are in a state of complete shock.  She appeared completely fine just a few days earlier.  We had no idea just how sick she was and clearly had been for a while.

I still cannot help but think that she was only 7 years and 4 months old (to be precise) – she’s way too young to be this sick.  She was a rescue dog, and we had always assumed she’d live a long life due to her mixed breed status.  I feel like she was cheated out of the life she deserved.  I feel like our while family was cheated out of thr life she deserved.  

We had a very honest discussion without vet on our options.

  • Option 1: If our dog definitely had lymphoma we could try 18 weeks of chemo.  We would have to do more extensive testing and more invasive procedures to determine the exact nature of the suspected lymphoma.  However, her and the second opinion vet both agreed that it would not be curable.  Treatment would simply give her more time, assuming her heart could handle treatment and assuming they could get her digestive tract to start working again.  Honestly, we knew this wasn’t an option – we knew we wouldn’t put her through chemo, especially if it’s not a curable cancer.
  • Option 2:  IV Fluids, prednisone and appetite stimulant.  Hopefully this would kick-start her digestive tract again and she may live a few more weeks.
  • Option 3:  IV Fluids and prednisone for a few days.  The intent of this would be to give us time to say goodbye, hopefully through the long weekend.  Given all her ailments and the state of her intestines, she really only had a matter of days left.

Our vet did not pressure us, and respected our very first comment that we would not let our dog suffer just for our sake.  We simply couldn’t do that to her, even if it meant we were saying goodbye 5+ years earlier then we ever thought we would.   Much to our surprise, I was the one that was adamant that we couldn’t prolong her suffering even just to buy us a few more days with her.

And so, we chose to let her go Friday to end her suffering immediately.  When we told our vet our decision, she put it perfectly:

Our dogs give us all their love, unconditionally.  And when they are this sick, we have to give all our love back to them.

She was right, this decision was made solely in our love for our dog and for her wellbeing.

The clinic booked the appointment for the end of the day, so our vet would be available and so that we could have the rest of the day together.  Mr. MPB and I took the entire day off (not that either one of us could possibly have worked even if we wanted to).  We spent the day together, just the three of us, just like old times before Little MPB.  We went to the park, where she barely walked.  We offered her all of her favourite foods, to which she declined everything.  We sat with her, we cuddled with her, we cried for her.  We apologized for not being able to help her.  We tried to tell her just how much we love her.

We left early for the appointment so that we could pick up Little MPB from daycare to give him one last play at the park with his Puu-py.  Of course, he didn’t understand and he chose to play on the playground instead.  We then dropped him off with friends for a visit while Mr. MPB and I took our sweet girl to the vet one last time.

We sat with her, our vet sat with all of us, and we stayed with her until she took her last breath.  And then we stayed a little longer, sobbing over what had just transpired.

Our son’s precious Puu-py, his best friend, and mine too, is now in puppy heaven.

For the last few days, our little boy has walked around the house shouting Puu-py as he searches for his best friend.  And he decided the night she died was the perfect time to say her real name for the first time.

We are completely and utterly devastated.  Saying goodbye to her might just be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

 

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62 Comments on “Saying Goodbye

  1. I am so sorry. Hugs. This is harder and so much harder to read, so I cannot imagine the pain the MPB household is in right now. A loss of a child is never easy. Doggie MPB is in puppy heaven eating his favorites and chasing his tail all day long.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh I am so, so incredibly sorry for the loss of your family member. You gave her such an amazing life. And I know she appreciated everything you did for her, including helping her pass on as peacefully as she could without prolonging her suffering. It was such a selfless thing you did for her, though I know how incredibly hard it was for all of you.

    Thinking of you and your family. Hugs and tears.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry. We had something very similar happen to our last dog. It just so awful to suddenly have to make a decision like this. I’m am just so sad for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. We never have our dogs long enough. 😦 A good friend of mine once told me the reason dogs love so fiercely and wonderfully is because their lives are so short – they need to get all of their loving in, in an abbreviated time frame. The only thing we can do is love them back with every ounce of us – and it sounds like you did just that. She loved well, and she was well loved in return. Sending you love and healing while you deal with this terrible loss. There is nothing like losing a beloved pet. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, MPB, I’m so sorry. Just so sorry. You made the loving choice, but it must have been so hard. You gave her such a good life, right up until the end. I’m so sorry that you had to lose a family member this way. This is the flip side of love — the more you love, the more and harder are the losses. I’ll be thinking about you, and sending huge hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Crying giant tears for you as I read this at my desk at work. I am so sorry. I know how much it hurts to say goodbye to a beloved dog…the pain runs so deep. You’re in my heart and thoughts. She lived a life full of love. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so sorry for your loss…it brought tears to.my eyes while reading this and i can only imagine how it was for you watching it and for the puppy going through all of it. No living being deserves suffering (evil humans aside!) and your decision was the right choice. I wish you strength!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is so, so sad. I’m bawling over here for your loss. It is so terrible to have to make that decision for an animal, because if you’re faced with the decision, it means the animal is suffering. I’ve always been one to let animals go as soon as I get grim news about them. I totally understand your decision. So sorry for your loss πŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m very sorry for your family’s loss…Looks like a beautiful dog from the pictures. Dogs are such wonderful companions, always ready with love whenever you need it. My thoughts are with you πŸ˜”

    Liked by 1 person

  10. We lost our beloved dog at 9 years old. A sudden, serious decline (hindquarter paralysis) followed by a sudden death a few months later (aneurysm or heart attack). It was devastating and even after two years, we miss him dearly. It’s so hard to say goodbye. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This poem has given me some solace in the two times when we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog only 6 months after rescuing him from the shelter, and then later on when we had to say goodbye to our 15 year old cat. Sending out all the love and hugs to you and your family. This is one of the toughest parts about being parents to an animal. You truly never know how long the time you have with them will be, but you do know that the love during that time is never ending and unconditional.

    The Rainbow Bridge:

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

    Author unknown…

    Liked by 2 people

    • I love this and even though I’m not religious, there’s a part of me that wants to believe this. I can never read it without crying.

      Like

      • I’m completely the same. I’m not religious either but because I have loved every one of my deceased pets so much, I want to believe that one day I will see them again. Sometimes it’s the only way to get through the loss. ❀

        Liked by 2 people

  12. I am so sorry to read this. Dogs (and other pets) are family and it is so, so hard to say good bye. Sending peace and comfort to the MPB family.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Our darling rescue dog was put to sleep in April due to throat cancer. I still miss him and feel the loss of him. I’m sending you all a big virtual hug x

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m so very sorry. I didn’t even want to read this until C was sleeping because I knew I would cry. I know how much it hurts, even more so that there’s no way to make little understand what happened. If there’s anything I can do from afar, please let me know. You’re all in my thoughts. Sending you lots of love. *Hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The worst part of loving a pet is they don’t live as long as we do. Animals do not fear death or the future. They only live in the present. So when they are suffering they only know pain and they look to us to help them. She was a lucky dog to have been loved so dearly. Im so sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Totally bawling MPB, totally looking at my 3zyear-old dog and thinking of myself in your situation in 4 years and it hurts so bad to even think about it… I’m so f*cking sorry MPB. Godammit. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Sending lots of love to all of you. It’s so devastating when this time comes for our fur-babies. What more could a dog ask for than to be loved as deeply as your precious girl was?

    P.S. Just a few weeks ago, we had to say goodbye to our little nanny dog. Just like with your son, my son had never said her name until she was gone and he started asking for her. It just breaks your heart all over again. πŸ˜₯

    Liked by 1 person

  18. i am truly sorry for your loss and shed a few tears reading this post. i understand this hurt so well. been through it a couple of times now. it is so true. they live for us and give us so much love and joy that in the end it is our duty to respect them fully and do what is best for them even though it hurts us like hell. this pain is raw and will stay that way for a while but it will get easier and each day will get better. we had just gotten home from disney when our dog passed this february. . maeve knew the castle and when she asked where tucker had went, my husband on a whim, told her he was living at the castle now and that he got to run in the fields and swim in the moat and sleep in the castle on his big pillow. she accepted this fully and even added in that he gets to eat lots of treats. she was 21 months then. she is 27 months now and every time we watch a disney movie and she sees the castle she says “my doggie lives there!” she has learned sadness as time goes on and she will also say, “i love him. i miss him” and will ask for a hug. we let he know that it is okay to be sad and that we will miss and love tucker always. if it’s not too painful you can find ways to keep little MPB’s puu-py alive in his heart. i think even if it is hard at first you will love it in the long run. i know we do. all my love to you guys while your hearts learn to heal.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. I am so sorry!! We lost two of three earlier this spring. One due to lymphoma. We actually tried chemo etc because it was early and it only bought us a few weeks. It is the hardest decision ever and I feel your pain. These puppies were our children when it felt like we would never have our human children. Lots of love and hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Oh my gosh I am so very sorry!!! I am in tears for you, how heartbreaking! I am so glad that you guys had that last day together, it’s not much considering what you should have had, but I am glad you had it.
    Huge hugs and love to you my dear. I will be giving my furbabies extra hugs tonight.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I am so so sorry for your loss. The tears were rolling down my cheeks reading this, we know when it is time and this decision is the last gift of love we can give them. The loss hurts so much. Know that in time the tears become less and the memories bring smiles. Sending hugs. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I tried to make a comment yesterday but it appears WordPress ate it. I wanted to let you know that my heart aches for you so deeply. I know how it feels to lose a beloved pet too soon, when you know you should’ve had more time, and it comes out of nowhere. The pain runs deep. I hope you find comfort in knowing she lived a life full of love in your home, with your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Absolutely crying the big tears over here for your family. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. Our dog is part of our family and I just don’t know how I will handle that day when it comes. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I have been reading your blog for a long time but I don’t think I have ever left a comment. I am sitting here typing through tears. I am so sorry for your loss. As a dog Mom I know how hard it is to say goodbye. You are an incredible dog Mom (and Dad too) to not prolong her life for your sake. Sending a giant hug from one dog Mom to another.

    Like

  25. I am so so sorry to read this. I am absolutely heartbroken for you. It’s so clear how much you loved your dog and how completely she was a member of your family. To lose her so young and to not know she was so sick must be devastating. I have no words to make it better. This is such a hard time. Sending my love.

    Like

  26. Oh my goodness. I’m just catching up and I’m so sad for you. I can’t even imagine what you are feeling. As a fellow dog lover my heart aches for you. Sending you so much love. Xx

    Like

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