Open Adoption Related Conundrum

First, I want to quickly say that we have had contact from Baby MPB’s birthmother.  I will not share her story, but I will say she’s safe and she and baby are okay.

Second, as I was finishing up the last of our Christmas gift shopping, I realized we have not chosen a gift for Baby MPB’s birthmother.    We want to get her something, we want to spoil her just a little bit.  We have absolutely no idea what to get for her.  Unlike shopping for one of our siblings, a parent or a friend, we have no ideas.

Unlike most people in our lives we don’t know what she has and what she doesn’t have.  We don’t know what she wants or what she needs.

Photo Source: Adapted from Office.com Clip Art

Photo Source: Adapted from Office.com Clip Art

We have thought about sending her clothing, but that just doesn’t feel right.  We could send some chocolates, but that really doesn’t feel right either.  Another idea we’ve had is a handmade gift from Baby MPB, but I honestly cannot commit to getting something made this weekend in order for us to get it in the mail so it arrives before Christmas.  That, and I’m completely clueless when it comes to crafts, so crafting is a massive challenge for me that just isn’t going to happen right now.  Another idea is a gift card to somewhere, but that feels so incredibly impersonal and of course to do this I would have to figure out the technicalities of getting her a gift card to a store in the USA when we live in Canada.

At the end of the day, one thing I know is that many of the things we (as in the MPB family) take for granted in life, she does not even have.  So, sending her something that could come off as pretentious or come off as useless, simply doesn’t appeal to me.

This of course is the conundrum – I have no idea what those things are.  I want to be considerate.  I want her to be spoiled by someone who loves her.  Really, I just want to bring some joy to her Christmas.

So, my questions today is what can we get for her this weekend that so that we can get it into the mail ASAP?

And one last note, do you know how excited I am to be done Christmas shopping?!  Once this gift is bought, I am done!

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23 Comments on “Open Adoption Related Conundrum

  1. Probably too pretentious and not useful, but a necklace with both babies’ birth stones is all I can think of as a gift for a birth mom… Good luck! And congrats on finishing shopping!

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    • I second that. maybe a bracelet with both babies birthstones. With a return certificate that she can chose aomething else if she wishes? Are there any Pandora stores where she lives?

      Liked by 1 person

    • That’s exactly what I was thinking as well, maybe also if you could find a baby handprint or footprint charm to add. It’s something she could wear and have with her to remember her babies. 😃

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am yet to start shopping. I am
    Confused on what to give the daycare teachers for both kids. They got 5 teachers each and would 25$ worth be appropriate? And then what to give the dr’s
    Office? The amount of times we have been squeezed in last
    Minute, the lady at the reception
    Alone needs a gift for that as thank you!
    And.. Then neighbours :))
    So yeah, not even started…. I
    Am envious.

    Like

  3. I definitely vote for a gift card. For a woman who is bound to have a lot of upcoming expenses, I think she would most appreciate that. You could do the friendly-but-impersonal Starbucks card (decaf, anyone?), Target (always useful), or a common restaurant in her area for a dinner out. Or the straight-up Visa gift card with a really sweet/nice note.

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  4. I have a super easy craft that you could easily pull of this weekend! Get a plain colored bulb, paint baby MPB’s foot white and do a print on bulb and then turn his toes into snowmen with marker. Most people do handprints but as a daycare provider, I know that doing baby’s hands is super hard because they curl them right up! This is one of our gifts we’re going to be giving family this year!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. US cell plans work different than the US and many get theirs monthly. I’d find a way to figure out what cell carrier she uses, and pay for a certain amount of minutes she can access. Then send her the gift (confirmation email) in a Christmas card so it’s one less thing she has to worry about while she’s pregnant.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I think you could do a gift card (Amazon, perhaps?) And send it to her with a nice note explaining exactly what you said here.That you really want to spoil her a bit, but that you struggled to know exactly what that would look like for her. I don’t think that’s impersonal–I think you’re taking into consideration what might actually make a difference in her life, and you can’t get much more personal than that.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I would probably send a Target or WalMart gift card. Although we don’t know details of her situation, given that she is pregnant, she is likely going to need to buy a lot of items in the near future, and those stores have just about everything.

    I’m glad you heard from her. I know you were concerned.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Maybe a gift card to a baby store for her upcoming baby so maybe she could buy a few new things for the baby? It might really make her happy when she will use all that stuff..

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  9. I’m just reading through the comments and learning so much! Adoptions and the relationships that are entailed are so new to me. It seems like gift cards are the way to go. If you were doing Target or Walmart, I would do a quick google map search to see what’s nearby where she lives. I know that different parts of the country have different stores. When I lived in Arkansas, for example, it was much easier to get to a Walmart than it was a Target. Of course, she could always order things online, but there’s something about going into a store to shop that I think some people prefer (at least I do, depending on what it is).

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I would do a target gift card as opposed to walmart, because target is full of useful items but is more pricey than walmart. When I was struggling, going to target instead of walmart felt like a luxury to me. Hell I go to target regularly now and it still feels like a luxury! Love that place ❤ XOXO

    Liked by 2 people

    • Also, no need for crafts! Buy a nice holiday card or even have one made with a photo of your family (most photo stores can do then on site in a matter of minutes). Then either trace baby MPB’s handprint inside or get an ink pad and stamp his handprint inside (ink is messy though so watch out). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. First of all, i have to say that you are such a thoughtful person. I would also go for a gift card. You can always add to it a holiday card with the baby’s handprints, but perhaps it would be a bit emotional for her.

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  12. When you say you want to spoil her does that run to a gift and a gift card? Pyrrha necklaces are just beautiful and simple and some of them could work so perfectly for your relationship dynamic.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I love getting gift cards…and going online to amazon or walmart….etc….ask to speak to a customer service person and explain to them u want to buy a gift for an american family member.. I have had american friends do this for me , no problem. When you send her a Christmas card…grab an ink pad…( the one you might use to stamp business letter head with)..tape the card down…and stamp babys feet into the card. Wash off babys feet and your done. You might want to practise on a few spare sheets first….or put it on a nice card stock in the card. Include a santa picture if you got one. I love the idea of jewlery although I would love a ring…with birth stone. I am sure she will love whatever you do….I would love to make a blanket for her new baby…if there is anyway to do that.(do you have a P.O. box?) I make quilts…just let me know if you would like one , or want to see ones I have made. Have a Great Christmas!

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  14. I try to incorporate photos for bithmom. I’ve done photo coffee mugs, blankets, or just a framed photo. One of my favorite gifts was a recordable book…I whispered the words to him, pressed record and he said them since he couldn’t yet read. Hallmark carries these. The Berenstain Bears “I love you All Ways, Always” was appropriate and wonderful. She can hear his voice when she struggles, feel loved, yet the words are appropriate.

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  15. I think an easy craft with paint and a necklace or bracelet would be cute. Even just something her scribbled on or made a paint blob is cute. They are babies not professional artists. Could you pay for some cell phone minutes or something for their safety?

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  16. Clay molds of his hands or feet? Or just washable paint to get his hand print/footprint and look up Pinterest ideas for “hand/foot print gifts”…. you can make snowmen or christmas trees with his feet. Super easy and something she’ll keep! Oh! A small canvas print of baby that you can ship to her (canvas on demand) or a photo album for baby mbp and her new baby…

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  17. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out a plan. I struggled with this too. We ended up getting my son’s bio mom a gift card to the nail salon where we got pedicures together a few times (we bought it while we were there waiting for my son to be born) and a starbucks gift card. We had starbucks together a few times, and she likes to treat her other son (whom she parents) to a treat from there every now and then. Since she has another son she’s parenting (my son’s half brother), we got him a little something too. I think a gift card to Target or Walmart is a good idea – she can get what she needs (food, clothes, baby gear, etc) or what she wants (a fun book, make-up, whatever) if she chooses. I would just write what you said – wanted to spoil her but not sure what was best! I wanted to do a cute craft but in the end just didn’t get to it. I did get WAY too many pictures printed and I’m sending those with a small update (we only ‘need’ to send updates every 6mo, so this a ‘bonus’)

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  18. I know this is probably commented too late, but I think possibly an ornament with your child’s photo on it- or something your child could make- don’t know your story or how old your child is, but just a thought. I’m adopted and it’s an open adoption, I know my birth mom’s family, but not my birth mom yet.
    I know you’ll find a wonderful present to get her.

    Liked by 1 person

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