An Unexpected Stress
About 10 days ago I was able to get in to see my counselor. We had a brief chat. As I ran through my giant list of stressors occupying my mind, she listened, added a few thoughts here and there. But, before we could really get into anything my 30 minutes was gone as time ran out. So, she decided that we needed to book a 60 minutes appointment for as soon as possible – I stood there while she worked with her receptionist to move her schedule around to fit me in.
We made a time work. We scheduled the appointment Wednesday of this week.
Or, rather, I should say it was scheduled for Wednesday.
I just got a call from the clinic’s receptionist. My counselor is leaving the clinic for another position and I will no longer be able to see her.
So, after 4 years, 5 miscarriages including one termination for medical reasons, seeking an expert out of country medical advice for recurrent pregnancy loss, seeing us through the international adoption process, being a reference for our adoption and be part of welcoming our son home, she has left. I have no ability to contact her.
I’m selfishly very sad to be losing her – I don’t bear my sole to people in my real life very often. In fact, I’d say I never do. And now I am faced with the choice of walking away from counseling (possibly just for the time being) or finding someone new. I can honestly say, I don’t have the energy to start this process over with someone new right now. Yet, I also realize I’m pretty stressed these days, and I know talking things out always helps me. But I really don’t feel like re-hashing the past right now and I know a new counselor will require that of me. The thought of finding someone new is intimidating right now – it feels like one more stressor to add to my life.
But, if I’m honest right now I’m more upset about how she is leaving – I saw her 10 days ago and she didn’t say a word, instead I just got a call from the clinic’s receptionist. After about 4 years of sharing my intimate life with her and turning to her for advice, she’s just gone. I feel hurt and disappointed that she didn’t tell me herself.
And so, just like that she’s vanished from my life.
Right now I’m tempted to take a break from counseling and see how I feel in a few months time, which is odd as I am typically an advocate for seeking counseling at times of stress. It just seems like too much work to try to find someone new. I just don’t know.
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