Make Sure He’s Still There
At approximately 12am the other night my husband woke me up with the following 2 sentences:
Can you go check on Baby MPB? Just make sure he’s still there.
I think he said some other stuff, but truthfully as soon as I heard make sure he’s still there, my mind stopped. I know the chances of him being kidnapped from our house are relatively low (rather astronomically low), but it’s still my biggest fear. I feel like I could handle almost anything else in life, but literally loosing baby MPB is the one thing I don’t think I’d survive. I realize the kidnapped from his bed fear is irrational. And I realize I have absolutely no reason to let this fear occupy space in my mind. But let’s be honest, if fears were rational then they wouldn’t really be a fear, now would they?
Because I realize this fear isn’t rational in an attempt to help manage/over come it, on numerous occasions I have articulated it to Mr. MPB. My theory is that if I articulate it and talk about it I’ll make it normal and less of a fear.
Well, needless to say, I’m not sure what Mr. MPB was thinking when he said just make sure he’s still there. I don’t know if he was half asleep, having a bad dream himself or just decided he knew I’d react to that sentence. But, I do need to point out that Mr. MPB always has the video monitor through the night whereas I just rely on sound. So, while saying to me just make sure he’s still there , Mr. MPB had the video monitor in his hand. I honestly don’t know what he was thinking!!
Anyways, those words ensured that I instantly shot out of bed. I went straight into Baby MPB’s room, faster then I ever thought possible, successfully witnessed that he was still there and in the process woke him up. Both Mr. MPB and I spent the next hour consoling and calming what was a nicely sleeping baby.
Eventually, Baby MPB and Mr. MPB both went back to sleep.
I on the other hand spent the remainder of the night wide awake imagining gut-wrenching awful thoughts of my son not being there.
By the time the morning came around, I made the decision that our 90lbs dog is not a good enough security system. So ive decided to get a home security system (which are relatively rare for people to have in my part of the world). Rational or not, and possibly a waste of money, I am hoping it will help manage my irrational fear.
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My Perfect Breakdown 
Yeah, I would have run blindfolded guided by smell if my husband freaked me out the
Same way! he owes you an apology. Not a thing to ever say to a mom of an infant in the middle of the night.
Although, I will be checking my boys’ bedroom in the middle of the nifht during their teen years to make sure they are in bed and Alone :)))
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Hahah! Yes, alone when he’s a teenager would absolutely be best! 🙂
And I completely agree with you, I deserve an apology for that one. I have no idea what he was thinking.
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My husband has always been one of those people who startles awake, and it can be hard to deal with. Every single night for the first few months of S’s life, my husband would wake up in the middle of the night, sit up in bed, and start frantically searching under the covers for S (who was sleeping peacefully next to me in the co-sleeper attached sidecar-style to our bed). He was just convinced that he’d been holding S and lost him under the covers. The first few times it completely freaked me out, but then I got used to it and was able to say “It’s fine, go back to sleep.” He’s gotten better, but it’s hard to be woken in the middle of the night by something crazy like that, because you’re so disoriented that you can’t immediately recognize that it’s crazy! Hope you’re able to calm your anxieties soon — with that security system if that’s what it takes!
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Yes, crazy middle of the night wake up calls are the worst! I’m glad you have been able to adjust to your husband’s version of middle of the night crazy.
I still have no idea what Mr. MPB was thinking! Especially since he could see him still there on the monitor! It just doesn’t make any sense to me! Although, since I got rather annoyed with him, I am hoping he doesn’t do that to me again!
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My husband is the same way. Startled in his sleep VERY easily! He searches for Luke a lot in the first few weeks and would jump up thinking he had dropped him.
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I think the security system is a great idea if it will help ease your fears. Why not, right? I too feel like I could survive anything but losing my girls. I just can’t even think about it. I’m tearing up just typing it here. So I totally get your fears!
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I know exactly what you mean, typing this post had me in tears! Just contemplating him not being in his crib in the morning is too much for my hear to bare (or bear?)
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I grew up with a Security system and installed one in the town home I built and then upgraded the one in the house we bought together. I am a firm believer in them, and long story short, it did it’s job back in 2013 when Matthew was almost 2 and I was 8 months pregnant. When Brian travels, I turn it on when i start bedtime for the boys. It makes me feel way more secure. Having had a real incident, i don’t think they’re EVER a waste of money!
I would have freaked out too, even with our security system, because, you know, babies are known to launch themselves out of their cribs. 😉 Seriously, i worried about that with even young babies. Ha!
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Oh gosh, a real scare, like it sounds like you had, would be way too much for me! Our house is actually already has a system installed in it, we just haven’t bothered to pay to activate it, so I have the company scheduled to come give us a quote. And I also have two other companies scheduled to give us quotes. I’ve decided we just cannot be too over cautious with Baby MPB!
And as of this week Mr. MPB has started to worry about Baby MPB launching himself out of his crib. Which means I too have started to worry about that! Some days I think we should just put babies in some sort of safe bubble, but then I’d probably worry that the safe bubble would get damaged and not work. 🙂
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We have home cameras (dogcams) and intending on getting one for baby, but he’ll be sleeping in our room anyway for at least the first year! Our tiny dog is a terrible security system, although he does go bonkers at the thought of food! Glad you are able to do something about it. Stay safe!
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Ugh! Such a scary thing to imagine! So glad all is well after such a scary fright! I often have that thought too about not surviving should something happen to Luke. Thank you for normalizing my worries.
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Umm did you ask him WHY in the world he said that to you!?!? I would have freaked out as well. Cadence is in a bassinet right beside my side of the bed, and if I wake up and don’t hear her breathing/making sounds/moving I freak out and jump up to make sure she’s still there and still alive. Do you think those of us who struggled to bring a baby into our lives, are more paranoid about such things? I mean I know this is normal for most parents, but I feel like maybe we’re a bit more sensitive about it!! I’m sorry you had a sleepless night, but happy that baby was fine. Tell your hubby not to do that to you again!!
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My husband always worries that our sons will “stop breathing” in their sleep. He checks on them every night before he goes to bed himself. The thought honestly never occurs to me. If/when I check on my sons, I just do it because they look sweet when they’re sleeping and I want to make sure they haven’t kicked off the covers. 🙂
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I think when it comes to parenting, these kind of fears are more common than some might think. I still check on my kiddos to make sure they are still breathing. Sometimes I will even nudge them. When it wakes them up it drives my husband crazy but it helps me know they are ok.
We also have an alarm too and it does help me sleep better at night although our 15 lb schnauzers are probably less intimidating than your 90 lb dog :).
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Yes, thecworse fear i can imagine is losing my child, whatever the readon and i have to say, the fear appears also when i think something might happen to me and he would be left without me (fathers are not like mothers). May God protect us from such experiences!
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Definitely invest in a security system. You will sleep much better !
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It doesn’t take much to wake me up, that would definitely work! IN putting the nursery together, we put a futon in the room. When we have a child, you better believe that futon will get plenty of use!
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