A Little Too Quiet
In the last few days, a week to be precise, our birth mom went silent. We heard nothing from her.
The first few days did not bother me at all. It’s normal that we don’t talk every day.
But, then once I started to realize the days were adding up, I started to worry. Then I pointed it out to Mr. MPB and he also started to worry.
So, after about a week, our worry was increasing. (I am really a good worrier, if it was a marketable skill I could make it a full time profession). We are usually in touch with at least a few texts a week. Sometimes she initiates the conversations, sometimes we initiate. We also send photos every few weeks. So a week with no correspondence didn’t make sense and we just weren’t sure how to reach out to her.
We’ve been told that often birth mom’s needs space and we wanted to respect that, if that was the case. But, we also want her to know that we care and worry about her too. And we also realized for all we knew, she was just busy and we weren’t her focus, no different then when I don’t respond to a friend’s text for a few days because I’m busy.
So, we/I decided I needed to stop obsessing. As far as we are concerned she is a member of our extended family, just like other members of our family like my Dad (who has an amazing ability to frustrates me, yet I love dearly), any one of my friends, my Aunt (who is an amazing women who inspires me with her kind heart) or my second cousin (who I adore and wish I could see more). With these relationships, I may not talk/text with them daily or even weekly, heck sometimes I even avoid people if something is bother me, but we do generally keep in touch.
In the end, we decided to do what we normally do. I sent her an email with some photos and a text telling her to check her email and that we are thinking of her and hoping she’s well. When I sent the photos the timing matched our unofficial schedule so I was hoping she’d respond once she had photos, as she often does. We usually gush over how cute Baby MPB is together.
And guess, what? That’s exactly what we did! Once she had the photos she responded and we have a good conversation about our wonderful little guy.
Nothing was said about the silence. It’s weird (or maybe it isn’t?) but in so many ways I feel myself being very protective of her and wanting to help her. But, ultimately, I cannot force myself on her any more then I can other people in my life. And so while we want her in our lives we realize this isn’t our decision to make and like so many things in life all we can do is focus in our behaviour and hope for the best. So, we will continue to let her know we are here for her and that we care for her. And, we will always leave the door open so she can talk to us when/if she wants to.
* Please note that this post is from my perspective as an adoptive mom. I cannot speak on behalf of our birth mother and do not intend to.
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