How to Face the Possibility of a Failed Adoption
How does one face the possibility of a failed adoption before the baby is even born?
How do you keep preparing to bring a child into your life in a mere days when you realize it may not happen?
How do you book flights to go meet the potential birth mom and be at baby’s birth, when you may not be able to welcome the child into your life?
How do you focus on anything, when your mind cannot stop reeling? We thought we were going to have a baby and now we realize we may not. Honestly, right now, nothing else in life really seems to matter.
How do you even get through the day when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry?
I have no answers to any of these questions. I wish I did.
I feel like I’m in a very familiar place – just waiting for a child to be ripped from my heart and soul. Waiting to make one the hardest decision of our lives. Trying to continue to uphold my professional obligations as I’m about to start leading a meeting, while my personal life falls to shit all around me.
It is such familiar territory, I’ve been here and done this too many times to count. And yet, it’s completely foreign because I thought this time was different.
All I know is that I feel like my life just stopped. My dreams are crashing around me once again. I truly don’t know how much more of this I can take. Maybe it’s time to walk away and accept a childless life. At some point, enough just has to be enough. At some point, I just might not be able to continue to fight the fight. And maybe, this marks my enough.
I have no idea how to function.
I just don’t know how to put my mind at ease and look forward to tomorrow.
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