How to Face the Possibility of a Failed Adoption

How does one face the possibility of a failed adoption before the baby is even born?

How do you keep preparing to bring a child into your life in a mere days when you realize it may not happen?

How do you book flights to go meet the potential birth mom and be at baby’s birth, when you may not be able to welcome the child into your life?

How do you focus on anything, when your mind cannot stop reeling? We thought we were going to have a baby and now we realize we may not. Honestly, right now, nothing else in life really seems to matter.

How do you even get through the day when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry?


I have no answers to any of these questions. I wish I did.

I feel like I’m in a very familiar place – just waiting for a child to be ripped from my heart and soul. Waiting to make one the hardest decision of our lives. Trying to continue to uphold my professional obligations as I’m about to start leading a meeting, while my personal life falls to shit all around me.

It is such familiar territory, I’ve been here and done this too many times to count. And yet, it’s completely foreign because I thought this time was different.

All I know is that I feel like my life just stopped. My dreams are crashing around me once again. I truly don’t know how much more of this I can take. Maybe it’s time to walk away and accept a childless life. At some point, enough just has to be enough. At some point, I just might not be able to continue to fight the fight. And maybe, this marks my enough.

I have no idea how to function.

I just don’t know how to put my mind at ease and look forward to tomorrow.

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38 Comments on “How to Face the Possibility of a Failed Adoption

  1. My heart is breaking for you. No one should have to feel such despair, and its especially unfair in your case. I hope this turns out to be just a nightmare that ends in a sunny morning, but know this community will be here by your side no matter what happens and no matter what you decide.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I still feel like this is going to work out for you. I don’t have any words to take away the fear and heartbreak your feeling in this moment. I just hope that everything moves forward again like it’s meant to and you feel a sense of peace. I’ll continue to pray for you.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Big hugs.

    I have had all of these feelings before both before and after meeting a baby. It’s so hard after already experiencing loss in the past too.

    I know you don’t do the FB thing but the offer to join the adoption group there still stands, so many people who have been through it. Or feel free to email me.

    Your feelings are normal and make total sende- feel them without guilt and take care of you right now. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    • MPB, I know you don’t do FB, but you could set it up just to join this group. I’m in a private/secret infertility FB group of bloggers and the things we talk about, vent, cry with each other over…. It’s very helpful. It’s instant support when you need it, and that is priceless. Just sharing from my own experience, these fb groups are amazing, and you don’t need to do anything else on FB but assign a profile pic (can be anything).

      Liked by 2 people

  4. My heart truly weeps for you. I really can’t imagine the turmoil you must be in right now and no words I can write will alleviate it. I hope beyond hope this is a glitch, a nasty bump in the road that will soon be rectified so you can take your son home and I hope that it happens soon. You are all in my prayers x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m not going to go on here forever, because we have talked about this between the two of us and you know my thoughts and feelings already. You already know that in my heart I feel that everything will be okay, and you have to try to stay positive and keep planning for that baby. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes!! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh Sweetie, I am sending you big hugs, huge amounts of love and prayers your way. I wish I had words that could help you right now. I wish I had the ability to see into the future so I could let you know how it turns out.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your world feels like it has stopped, because it has. This is huge, and this is awful. You have a mother who picked you for her baby and you all get on very well, and now this guy is messing it up. That sucks, and I have to imagine baby’s mom is just fuming. She wants her baby to be parented by you, and this is scary for her as well. I’m hoping she can talk some sense into him. I ache for you all.

    That said, I think this is going to work out for you all. I don’t know what I’d do in this situation, but I like to think I’d take the chance, not walk away, and be there for mom and baby and plan on bringing that baby home. He is your baby, and I think he’ll be coming hime with you!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I wish I had words of wisdom or comfort but sadly I don’t and can not begin to imagine how you feel. You are in my thoughts right now and I am holding on to hope for you and that this is an obstacle in this journey that you can get over.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I am following this but feel I don’t really have helpful words. I know this must be the worst limbo of all, and I can see why it would raise so many old feelings from the disappointments and losses of TTC. I am holding out hope that you’ll still take this precious munchkin home, xo.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time of uncertainty. I’m hoping against all hope that you finally get to bring that baby home!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. OH man, this must be so incredibly difficult for you. I wish I could take the pain away and make all of this so much better……and go exactly like you want it to. You guys are in our thoughts and prayers

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I feel in my heart that this will not happen. I m sending strong positive thoughts your way.

    Inspite of what I feel, this, is a terrible trying time and I cannot begin to imagine the depth of your emotions. How can the universe screw someone over and over again is juat beyond me, soo unfair. Hugs hon. I wish things werwnt so hard for both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I get that fear. When our agency told us about all the bombings and police killings of student protesters in Ethiopia that’s been shutting down many public offices, my heart just sunk. I’ve seen other countries close their programs in the past and can only hope for peace there which will allow the internal process to continue for us. It feels so selfish to even say it that way, but the truth is that all adoption stems from the unfortunate and/or often tragic circumstances. It can be just as much of a crapshoot as IVF it feels like, but what I’m trying to remind myself is that whoever is meant to be our daughter will eventually present herself to us, and that she’ll be worth the struggle. It’s all we can really do right? Big hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. this is so cheesy and I can’t believe I’m going to reference it in a comment here, but when I read your post it just came to mind and I still really believe that everything will be okay.

    “Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

    Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

    Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.”

    Liked by 1 person

  15. My heart breaks for you having to go through this. There are no words really. I am holding out hope for a resolution in your favour xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I am so angry that you have to have this experience. I really wanted this to be plain sailing for you. Like others have said I am holding out for the sunny morning after the storm where you will hold that baby in your arms and get to take him home xx

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Oh my. I Am so sorry you are going through this. If I can say anything it’s that you are a fighter and s survivor and in the moments you feel like you want to give up remember how far you’ve come. You’ve Been through more loss than most people do in their entire lives and I know regardless of what happens you are going to make it even though it doesn’t feel like it.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I hate this for you guys. I hate that something, one thing, just can’t be easy for you two, for once! I am so sorry, friend. I will continue to hope that this baby IS your take home baby. I can’t imagine how you’re dealing with all of this. Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I am so sorry. I hate this is happening to you. I cannot imagine how hard it is for your to just function and I would be in pieces. Hugs, positive thoughts, and lots of prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I wish I had the words to comfort you in this moment, but no one does. Just know that you are in my prayers. (hug)

    Liked by 1 person

  21. not sure what to say because when you have no control there aren’t any words to make any of the stress, worry, anxiety better. just know that I’m rooting hard for you and mr. bmp and your baby to be. i honestly just “feel” like all of this will work out for you. hold on. I’m holding on tight for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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