Another Month, Another Adoption Update

We had another adoption update from our agency in the USA.

It didn’t say much.  Basically, your profile has been shown and no-one chose you.  You did not rank, 1st, 2nd or 3rd for anyone.  Keep waiting, it might happen next month, or not.  (Okay, to be fair, that’s my brains interpretation of what it said, not one of those words was used in the email update because the updates only show basic info – first name of who we were shown to and their status – i.e. matched, match process underway, undecided).

But, what it did say, which is different from our past months is that our profile was shown a tonne!  Like, an absolute tonne.  More then any other month.  In fact, more then a few months combined.

I have no idea why, but apparently lots of potential birth moms / couples / families, were interested in looking at our book.  That in itself is exciting.  It’s great to know that people are looking at us, because the more we are shown, the more likely we are to be matched.  And once matched, the more likely we are to welcome our child into our lives.

But, because I’m me, I cannot just accept this good perspective.  Instead, my mind went straight to why has no-one chose us?  Honestly I have no idea why.  All I know is that not a single one chose us.  And, we are not ranking in the top few for anyone.  And if we could rank in the top few we get feedback on our profile so we can learn why they did not choose us.  It sucks to be the first place looser, but at least in this circumstance it would give us the chance to maybe edit our profile to be more attractive (assuming the edits would be a true reflection of us, as we will not make changes that do not reflect us).  While I really want to be matched, at this point I think I would even be happy with the first place looser just so we can get feedback to improve our presentation of ourselves.

20141101_NYC (27 of 27)But alas, that’s just not us.  At least not now.

And so, we keep waiting.  And wondering.  And questioning.  And hoping.

But, who knows maybe our phone will ring tomorrow.  And I guess there’s no harm in hoping.

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36 Comments on “Another Month, Another Adoption Update

  1. Aww I hope you get the great news soon. Do you have any stipulations to what kind of child your wanting? Are you only open to an infant, or are you readily available for a little bit older of a child.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, this just stinks. Of course you’re sad! And mad. I would be too. But, I have faith that the perfect family is going to find you, and sooner rather than later. For now, do your best to hold on to hope, but know that the rest of us will carry hope for you if you need a rest. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I completely agree with you, it’s GREAT news that you’re being shown so much. I wonder if you got feedback if it would even be that helpful. I wonder if most birth moms choose based mostly on a feeling of connection, which could just be a random piece of information. Like, hey, she likes strawberry pie, I love strawberry pie and so do all the women on my family for three generations! I don’t know. If I was a birth mom, I’d probably choose based on a gut feeling, so I don’t know how helpful my feedback would be. But that is just me and I know every birth mom probably has a different way of choosing. All that is a long way of saying, try not to feel bad for not being in the top three and thus not getting any feedback. All it takes is ONE birth mom to choose you first once! And this will happen. I’m hoping so hard that your phone rings soon!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. That’s great that your profile’s being shown so much! I’m glad you get monthly updates as well. Back in the day when we were waiting there was just silence for months on end, we didn’t even know if our profile had been shown. I guess the thinking was they didn’t want to get our hopes up? But when you’re waiting all you have is hope. Keep the hope alive friend, a birth mom somewhere is going to take one look at your profile sometime and know y’all are the ones. Blessings in the wait, it’s soooo hard!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s great that your profile is being viewed – but yes, I’d also be wondering, why why why? Why are we not being chosen?! I have my fingers crossed for you. More views is great and at some point someone will look and just know you are the right family for them x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That is really great news! The more your profile is shown the more likely you will get matched. What an honor that so many birth moms are choosing your profile to look at. I have faith that the right one will find you soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sending good thoughts. I know a couple who were on the provincial list for 9 years. One Tuesday afternoon late in the day they got a call to come pickup their son at 11 am the next morning… Things happen in mysterious ways! Absolutely awesome news this month with more views!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m glad your profile is being shown so much! I wish they gave feedback to everyone and not just if you’re the “first place loser”, though. I like what one of the commenters said above – I have a feeling the birth moms choose based on a gut feeling/connection and it has nothing to do with your profile lacking something, and more that your child’s mom just hasn’t seen your profile yet!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So frustrating that it’s like a dating service, though I like that is up to the birth mom rather than some random agency employee placing them. I hope you get your match soon. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My comment will get a lot of hate, but this stinks. Its soo unfair, feels like birth parents are checking out produce in the grocery aisle.
    Do you also get to see which profiles saw your profile? I dont like the ranking system, Its like oh yeah you are good, but not the ideal candidate to raise my child. Its soo unfair. Why do adoptive parents have to go through this, its soo heart breaking for an adoptive parent. Adoptive parent competition. 😦


  11. Ahhh, that has got to be so frustrating. It’s exactly why I haven’t called to ask about our book yet. Of course, we are just in a State agency, not national, so there’s not nearly as many birth parents looking. They said it’s not untypical for our book to only be viewed a few times in a year! Anyways, I totally get your frustration here. I’m sure I’ll be feeling that way too once I get brave enough to call and ask.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Yeah, I don’t know what’s worse – knowing that you haven’t been in the top 3 but have been viewed a lot, or knowing that they really liked you, but liked someone else more. Sometimes more information isn’t better, but I understand wanting feedback on your profile book. I could not handle this type of information – any of it. It would drive me insane. You’re very strong.

    I can’t help but think that the international thing is an issue for birth parents. If you (birth family) want an open adoption, you probably want your baby to stay in your country so they’re close to you for visits. I may be simplifying it, but honestly, you guys are great and I have to think that that is the main issue. It’s nothing in your book – you look great!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I think it is great that your profile is being shown more as progress! And like others say, you only need to be first once and it will happen. I feel like things are just around the corner for you. I hope I am right! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I know it’s hard to not focus on the fact that you haven’t been chosen yet, but I do like that there has been progress- that your profile has been viewed a lot more recently. I hope that this trend continues and that there’s even more good news next update.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Ugh, it just truly sucks having to “market” yourself in order to have a baby. It reminds me of when gym teachers in school would choose team captains and one poor sap would always be chosen last. That said, it’s exciting people are checking out your profile. I hope the perfect match comes along for you guys, and soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Okay so this may be a really stupid question…but how do people view your book? I can only assume that it is a virtual book, on a website or cd or something, so that many places have access to it at all times. I can’t imagine that you sent out hundreds or thousands of copies of your books to every single agency to be shown around? Is this just me being dumb?
    In any case…I’m really happy that you got so many viewings this past month! I think that’s really important…the more people that see it, the more chances you have of someone picking you. Try not to be so down about it…at least you guys are getting out there more!! And you never know when the right person will pick you! Hang in there!!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Glad you are getting out there more! I guess it is a vase of no one chose you yet. I suppose that the majority of people who viewed your book this month haven’t made a final decision yet? How early in a pregnancy do the mothers or families get your book? I hope you get some feedbaxk or a call soon 🙂 you guys would be an awesome choice!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. It is very exciting that your book is being looked at a ton!! I love to hear that! I know it’s tough not to wonder why you haven’t been chosen but I believe that timing is everything. Just like how things have gotten in my way of having a baby or finding a surrogate, the right time will will make sense(I gotta believe). We will be mamas…and we will wait for that right time…lots of love to you MPB! xoxo


  19. That’s so great that people are looking at your profile. So many people! It’s crazy that it’s almost like a casting call…you present your portfolio, hope for the best, and never really know why they didn’t cast you. It must be so frustrating for you guys but also exciting that you are getting closer to getting your baby. Oh I hope someone chooses you guys soon!

    Liked by 1 person

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