September Reflections

20140916 - 100HappyDays_Day64How the heck is it already September?

This time last year we were heating our house with a fire as my part of the world had a massive snow dump that knocked out power.  I’m so not ready for winter!!

But, the point of today’s post is not the weather.

Instead I’m feeling the need to reflect.

.

It was about a year ago that we began obsessively reading and researching about progesterone after a not so great blood test indicated our first ever possible explanation for 5 consecutive miscarriages.  It was about a year ago that we had enough of our local Reproductive Endocrinologist and his advice of just keeping trying, eventually it will work.  It was about a year ago that we booked an appointment with an Reproductive Immunologist in the USA.

It was about a year ago that we really started to realized we may never have children the way we innocently assumed we would (i.e. the fertile people way).

It was about a year ago that we reached our breaking point.  Something had to change, we couldn’t keep living in a cycle of life and death; highs and lows; excitement and despair.

And so today, as we are actively waiting on an open adoption match, I am amazed to think of how much our lives have changed.

I am amazed to think that we chose adoption.  Honestly, part of me is still surprised that we’ve chose adoption and all the potential complications that come along with adoption.  If you asked me 2 years ago if we’d adopt, I’d say no way and list off a thousand reasons why adoption isn’t for us (i.e. I cannot imagine involving a birth mom in my life or dealing with the potential adopted child teenage angst, or the unknown potential drug/alcohol exposure, etc.)  And yet, here we are excited and hopeful waiting adoptive parents.

Adoption isn’t right for everyone (and I respect that), but I am thankful that it’s right for us.

I am thankful we persevered through the at times grueling and frustrating adoption process and have made this far.

I am thankful that the possibility of a a birth mom choosing us exists because it means eventually we will become parents.

And more then anything, I am thankful that this year instead of waiting for a baby to die, we are waiting to meet our baby who is also waiting for us (without knowing it).

 If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

 

22 Comments on “September Reflections

  1. It’s hard to believe that was only a year ago, as it feels like soooooooooo long ago!! I know I was following you by that time, because I remember all of that distinctly. (So we’ve “known” each other for over a year now…yay!) It’s amazing how so much can change in such a relatively short time. I’m glad you have a little more happiness and some amount of closure on things at this point, and that you’re looking forward with eagerness and happiness to what is coming your way. Thinking about you every day, and hoping that someone picks you very soon!!

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  2. Yes! I am so happy and Thankful that you’ve made it through the process and are actively waiting with hope this year. And I hope that the 4 letter word stays away for awhile yet for you. We’re going through a 90 degree with humidity heat wave right now so I can’t imagine it right now, but I know it’ll be here before we know it.

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  3. I got chills and tears in my eyes reading this. How far you both have come in just a year! Wow. This post gives me so much hope — both for you and me. I can only hope that in a year from now I will be posting a reflection like this — my direction clear and my heart at peace. I am so happy for you, my friend. And so excited for your dreams to come true (hopefully) soon. It would be amazing if, in a year from now, you are writing a another reflection post with a sweet baby in your arms.

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  4. I like this post of yours. It shows what survivors you both are. In a year, you have embraced new hope and dreams. Not many can do that. 5 miscarriages is tragedy enough to destroy and shake the strongest human spirit, and yet, here you both are, looking forward towards future and waiting for little “my perfect baby”.

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    • Thank you so much my friend! You are right, we have survived so much and we are embracing our new hopes and dreams! One day, hopefully soon, I will get to write the post about “my perfect baby” (p.s. I hadn’t even thought about that play on words with my blog – it’s literally perfect!)

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  5. It really warms my heart to hear how your life and prospective have changed in so many big ways. I hope everyday to read the blog that says… WE GOT A MATCH!!! ❤ ❤ Sending you a huge hug.

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  6. It’s amazing to look back a year. Wow. I just did it now and last year this time I was pregnant and lost the little bean mid September. Back then, I was frustrated with what I suspected were ‘defective’ eggs from me but I didn’t think anyone at my clinic would hear me out so I was preparing to stop. Now I’m carrying a donated embryo.

    I’m so glad you guys decided to pursue adoption. And I remember reading your posts as you did the research to essentially test your comfort level with the hurdles – and discovered yes, you guys want to be parents and adoption is right for you. I’m excited to hear about a match soon!

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