A Lack Of Tact
So the other day I was at lunch with some colleagues. Some I know well and others I do not.
Somehow the subject of children came up.
Somehow the attention turned to me, and I was innocently asked if we had any news to share, with a literal wink and nudge.
At this point in time, I just assumed everyone in our lives knows we are adopting. And when it comes to work, I have not exactly kept our miscarriages a secrete. In fact, I have been very vocal about our adoption plans as I view it as a necessity to tell my clients that I might fall off the face of the planet for a few weeks if we get an instant placement that requires us to travel for a few weeks.
So, needless to say the person asking isn’t someone I know very well and she had no idea. Yet, I was taken aback by her statement, no-one has asked me about having kids that way in a long time. I was so taken aback that I think it showed in my response, both verbal and body language. I sort of mumbled, something like ummmm….nope, no surprises from me. After 5 losses I can assure you we are doing everything in our power to avoid that possibility as we know it wont end with a living child. I may have even said something about not wanting a dead baby. Seriously, it wasn’t my finest moment, particularly considering it was in a professional context.
The lady at the table who asked the question was clearly confused and uncomfortable. Heck, I think everyone at the table was uncomfortable! Clearly in that moment, I was flustered and had no tact. Ops.
Before I could try to start extracting my foot from my mouth, someone else at the table jumped in. She knows me a bit better, and saved the moment with a nearly perfect response – well there will be news to share when your adoption happens!
This person was my hero that day. She clearly saw I was bothered and she took away my awkwardness. She made the original comment normal in our context of adoption. She made the conversation safe again for me and for the person who innocently brought up.
We then proceeded to discuss adoption and the unknown timelines until the conversation moved onto something completely different.
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