My Happiness Wish

After yesterday’s post, where I shared my not so perfect breakdown (thanks to everyone for their amazing support!) I thought I’d share something a bit happier today. Today, I will share my happiness wish, but first let me give you some perspective on where I’m coming from.

Today is day 33 of my #100happydays. Participating in the #100happydays project has forced me to look for small happy moments in regular, day-to-day life. Some days it’s very easy to take a photograph of something happy, other days not so much. For the majority of days, it is relatively easy to see happy in simple things like watering my garden, seeing beautiful views of the world around me, or making something nice for dinner. Then, there have been the more difficult days, where my mood is not one of happy, days like day 25, where my photo was of a DQ blizzard (thanks to my amazing husband for being sweet enough to try to cheer me up with one of my favourite treats). So, on the whole the project has been effective in forcing me to see the simple happy moments.

The downside of this, is that this project has also forced me to realize that I’m looking for happy moments. So I am completely aware that nothing significantly happy has been happening lately. In fact, nothing significantly happy has happened to me today, or yesterday, or the day before for that matter. By no means do I mean that life has been miserable, on the whole I’m a decently happy person with a pretty healthy outlook on life, but what I’m trying to say is that my happy moments are not necessarily obvious or taking up the majority of my time.

So, what I want to share today is my happiness wish. I want to put it down on paper (or a word document and blog post to be more accurate) and I want to share it with the world.

This wish, it is completely selfish. I’m not talking about wishing the entire world a day of happiness and peace on earth. Nope, my wish today is completely self-serving and has absolutely nothing to do with altruism. This is all about me – a moment of pure selfishness if you will. So here it is:

I wish to have something happen which smack me across the face with pure happiness.

Something that I don’t have to search for.

Something that is just pure bliss.

I have no expectations on what exactly this happy thing should be (if it were a healthy baby I’d absolutely be okay with that, but honestly, right now I’m looking for something more immediate, not 10+ months from now). I’d be okay with a bright and sunshiny day where I’m not looking for happy, it just happens. I want to feel like all the happy in the world just seems to fall on my shoulders, and there is nothing to do but bask in the enjoyment because nothing can stop the moment.  Maybe the best way to describe what I’m looking for in this pure happiness, is the very fact that I don’t have to look for it – I want it to happen without any effort.

With the last few years that we’ve had, I think I deserve some happy, and yet, I’m smart enough to know that that’s not how life works. I know, I have to make the most of my circumstance to be able to enjoy happy moments. My attitude is critical to the success of any happy moments. My attitude is critical to the duration of any possible happy events. My outlook will dictate how I see happiness. I know all of this, yet my wish is that something so unbelievably happy will happen in my life that I have no choice but to be happy.

Anyways, this is my wish.

Simple, obvious, ecstatic, pure happiness.

Is that too much to ask for?

And, if I’m going to ask for it for me, I’m also going to ask for it for all the other wonderful ladies and couples suffering with infertility in any form, and all of you who are currently pregnant with their rainbow babies.  (Yup, I’m just not very good at being selfish, so that sounds more like me – sharing my wish with all of you amazing bloggers who inspire me and lift me up on a daily basis).

If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

18 Comments on “My Happiness Wish

  1. I wish I could grant your wish! Are there any genies in the room??? Have you purchased a lotto ticket recently? 🙂 Wishing you all the face slapping happiness you can stand.

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  2. Thanks for sharing your wish. Being in something of a funk myself, I can’t imagine I would actually recognize obvious, ecstatic, pure happiness if it smacked me in the face. I think there’s something to the idea of attitude being part of our experience of happiness. For me, it’s also related to how present I am in the moment. When I’m dwelling in the past or projecting into the future, it’s more challenging to feel grounded and to recognize good things in the here and now.

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    • You make a very good point about being present in the moment and not holding on the past or projecting into the future. I guess that’s why my counselor keeps telling me I need to learn to live in the moment?? You and her might just be onto something! 🙂

      As for sharing my wish, I think you definitely deserve some in your face obvious happiness!! Hopefully, the wish will come true (and ideally very soon) for both of us.

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  3. I love this post. You absolutely deserve some pure, ridiculous happiness, but you’re right, deserving it doesn’t mean anything. I do believe both personally and as a therapist, that you must be open and already feeling positive for happiness to come, acutely or in general, and your project is definitely helping with that. I haven’t been writing much bc of my own sadness, but seeing your project progress is very inspiring! Have a great weekend 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your perspective on letting happiness in. I completely agree.

      I hope you are doing well both physically and emotionally from your recent loss. There are no words to take the pain away, but I do hope you are finding peace where ever you can.

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  4. I really enjoy reading your blog. You are an inspiration and make me realize my emotions are normal. I truly hope one of your days of happiness is based on your blog and how you relate to people. Whether they comment back or not, you have such a positive influence!

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    • Thank you! I woke up today, and this was the very first thing I read – what a wonderful way to start my day! It means so much to me to know that you, and possibly others, are able to relate to what I write, and that by sharing this experience, I provide inspiration.
      And, thanks for a happy day idea! With over 60 days left, I’m sure I’ll use the idea eventually. 🙂

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  5. You sound like the eternal optimist and break downs are needed even for the strongest ones. You’ve been dealt a shitty shitty hand and it sucks and is so unfair. But you have so much strength you’ll get through it hugs xx

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