As a child I loved going swimming.
I loved splashing around in the water.
I would spend hours at the local pool.
My parents put us in swimming lessons to make sure we knew how to swim. Once we were good enough swimmers, and mastered the basics (front crawl, back crawl, diving, treading water, etc.) we were allowed to quit lessons and just swim for fun.
So, when my sister and I were old enough to bike to the local pool, we’d go every day possible during the summer for public swim. Entrance into the pool cost $1.00. When they put waterslides in, the cost was $1.00 to swim + $2.00 to go on the slides. But, you didn’t have to pay for the waterslides if you didn’t want to go on them.
My parents agreed to pay the $1.00 for us. But if we wanted to go on the slides, we had to pay the extra from our allowance. Ya right, we totally “snuck” the extra $2.00 each from their change jar to pay for it. As, an adult, I now realize we were really stealing form our parents (so not cool). I suspect they knew and didn’t care, because really it was the cheapest, safest and healthiest way for us to pass our summer.
While my sister and I almost always rode our bikes together on our way to and from the pool, often times we’d met friends there and go our separate ways once we inside. Other times, we’d go together, spend the time together in the pool just enjoy the company of one and other.
I remember, the very first time I was able to go into the deep-end of the pool (3m deep I think). It was clearly over my head, but I was a good enough swimmer that it just didn’t matter. I felt like i could conquer anything!
So the next time, I intentionally set out to swim to the bottom of the pool and touch it with my hand. Yup, I could conquer anything! We would have races to see who could touch the bottom and get back to the surface the quickest.
Other days, we would see who could tread water the longest before having to retreat to the safety of the pool’s edge due to our tired arms and legs. Yes, we were daring little kids. But, wow, was it fun!
My love for swimming continues even now as an adult. Whenever we travel somewhere warm, whether we are in Panama, Thailand, Cambodia, or Hawaii, I am always happy to find a nice pool to jump into, or a calm ocean to dip my toes in. And, if I’m lucky my husband will even join me.
….
Now, here I am, feeling like I am playing a constant real like version of the treading water game, and I’m the only competitor. I jumped off the ledge over two years ago, the sharks have tried to destroy me on 5 different occasions and yet I am still here, treading water and working tirelessly to keep my head above water. The sunshine is fleeting at best, the water somehow seems darker, the depth unknown and the creatures below less friendly.
I can see my husband, he’s in the water with me – neither of us can save the other one, yet neither of us can do this alone. We have a few
people on the side lines cheering us on, but really, I’m alone in the deep-end, and no-one is able to throw me a life preserver. I am scared of the sharks below, and fighting to stay afloat.
To lose, means I have to admit defeat and give up. I either drown in the pool (which sure as hell won’t happen, I just won’t let it) or swim back to the ledge, and accept that our current childfree life will continue. I hope that rather than swimming back to the same ledge I jumped off of two years ago, I’ll be able to cross the pool to the other side, and see this all in a different light. Make peace with the deep-end.
To win, means our gamble on Dr. B, works. Our substantial financial and emotional investment will pay off, and we will get the healthy baby we have been dreaming of. The hope that has kept us going, doesn’t let us down in the end. And, eventually, if we win, I’ll be able to go back into the pool without fear, my nemeses, at my side. I’ll be able to return, with our baby to spend mommy and baby time at a swimming pool. Teaching our child to swim, just as my mom did with us.
Oh, please let us win this…
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Here is my twelfth week of #100happydays.
Day 78 – September 22, 2014: Today, my favourite happy moment was made possible in part by my mail man and fellow a fellow blogger. Upon hearing the sound of the mailbox lid drop close, I went to collect the usual bills and flyers. Instead, I found a signed, advanced copy of Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life by Justine Brooks Froelker, with a beautiful note that filled my hear with love. I hurried to finish up a bit of work, and proceeded to spend a few hours curled up on the couch reading.
Day 79 – September 23, 2014: When we got home from the farmer’s market last week, my giant haul of peppers were immediately cut up and mixed with our garden fresh tomatoes and a few other ingredients from the market to create a massive Greek Salad. We have been eating the salad constantly for the last few days, but it’s only now that it’s good enough to make the coveted happy day photo status. There is just something awesome about having a Greek salad that has had time to sit and soak in the juices of the dressing and percolate until the flavours blend perfectly together – and today, is that day. I love happiness in the form of an amazing salad.
Day 80 – September 24, 2014: So, there is a bit of a back story to today’s happy moment Last November, we put a deposit on a custom made rare wood mantel for our fireplace. The company cut it wrong and we said we’d rather wait for exactly what we ordered. After about 8 months of getting the run-around, we finally spoke to the company’s co-owner and explained our frustration. (Normally, we would pull the plug on the company and find someone else, but we love their work and it took us a long time to find them). Anyways, this conversation determined that they were struggling to source the same type of wood. So, we choose a different local wood (which also dropped the price drastically – yay!) and today they asked us to come by their shop to make a few decisions regarding the final finish. So, after 10 months of waiting, I was incredibly happy and excited to finally see this coming together!! I love it already and cannot wait to see the finished product and have it installed in our house!
Day 81 – September 25, 2014: I was being irrationally grumpy, so I decided some fresh air might help. So, my furball and I went for a walk. We cured the grumpies with some happy leaf playing. And, I was thankful no-one was around with a camera to capture the actual moment, because I’m sure it was quite the sight to see a grown lady and her 82lbs black dog frolicking in the leaves!
Day 82 – September 26, 2014: A very dear friend of mine gave us a gift card to a high-end local Italian restaurant and/or market for Christmas. We decided to go to the market, and create our own tapas menu for supper and pick up some beautiful olive oil and risotto imported from Italy. Our tapas menu included cave aged gruyere cheese, stuffed grape leaves, eggplant parmesan, artichoke hearts and a stuffed portabella mushroom. We had an awesome evening camped out on our couch enjoying some amazing food and wine. It such a great way to unwind after a long week!
Day 83 – September 27, 2014: The impending winter does not make me happy, but putting on a pair of cute boots for the first time this year sure does!
Day 84 – September 28, 2014: We went for a walk this afternoon in a park that was hit hard by a flood a few years ago and some areas are still in rough shape. While we were walking along the river bank, every now and again I noticed little green plant growing up between the rocks along the shore. I love seeing the natural rejuvenation process occurring and nature slowly reclaiming the damaged landscape.
Wishing everyone a great week filled with happy moments!
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