The other day I used Craigslist and bought a gently used baby swing thing – a mamaRoo with an infant insert to be specific. They retail for over $300 here and I paid $100. I was really excited when I saw that the seat and infant insert are machine washable, so I’m not even worried about germs (or at least I wont be once I wash it). It’s definitely not a need item, but at that price I just couldn’t resist. And honestly if baby doesn’t like it, I’ll just re-sell it and buy another brand.
Anyways, the mamaRoo isn’t the point. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what I bought. It was the interaction with a perfect stranger that was fascinating.
She asked me if I had a little baby at home, and I said no, we are adopting and could be placed at anytime now, so we are just trying to get ready. A sentence that used to make me awkward, but now it’s become just as normal for me as it would be for a pregnant lady to state her due date when she’s asked. In response there were no looks of pity and no questions of why. Instead, I noticed instantly that her eyes lit up, as if a spark was ignited within her. Now, I can assure you, this has not be the normal response from people when we say we are adopting, so I immediately took notice. It turns out they too are adopting!! They have a few of their own biological children and are now in the early stages of an international adoption! There choice is not due to infertility, but rather the desire to adopt a child who would otherwise grow up in a orphanage. So, they are starting to sell baby stuff because they will be adopting a 2 or 3 year old.
It was almost as though our paths were meant to cross.
They are early in the process. They are at the point where you’ve entered adoption, you’re committed but you are starting to realize all the insane nuances that make no logical sense. Early enough in the process that they have started paying all kinds of bills but at the same time it feels like nothing is happening. Needless to say, we had quite the conversation! In fact, Mr. MPB was waiting for me in the car (as we always do when we buy things from online strangers) and was starting to worry because I was taking sooooo long. He knows I’m chatty, but this was beyond even normal chatty for me.
I remember being in her shoes. I remember being frustrated at the lack of movement from all the agencies involved in an international adoption. I remember being frustrated that they would happily cash our checks but not even have the courtesy to tell us they received our package. I remember wondering what the heck I was signing up for and questioning if I could get through it all. I remember being annoyed at the wait for agencies to approve documents. I remember the timelines being daunting. I also remember our fear of the home study only to realize that it really wasn’t a big deal. Honestly, I remember questioning everything (heck, some days I still find myself questioning everything). But, one thing I know for sure about international adoption is that the process isn’t easy. In fact, it’s beyond frustrating at times and has driven me absolutely batty on more then one occasion.
And so we chatted. She asked me questions and I answered to the best of my ability (since we are adopting from different counties I couldn’t relate to everything). She wanted to know how long the entire approval process takes, how much we expect to spend, what agency we are working with locally, how we got through the process, etc. All the types of questions that I too once asked and thought about. Honestly, it was a great conversation. I wish we had the entire evening to talk over a cup of tea. But neither of us had the time so I offered that she can reach out to me via email anytime. And if nothing else, I hope she appreciated knowing that all of her fears and frustrations are normal.
As I stood there chatting with her, I remembered how the first adoptive parents we talked to about adoption opened their home and hearts to us, and talked with us for hours about our fears and the their realities of being adoptive parents. To this day, I am still thankful for them. In fact, I have even told them that I credit the evening for helping give us the courage to choose adoption. So, in my own way, I felt like I was able to give something back to someone else in the adoption community!I Needless to say, I was thrilled!
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So I was just reminded of how annoying and frustrating international adoption can be.
Guess what I found out? We get to buy 2 infant car seats!
It is illegal to use a USA one in Canada.
It is illegal to use a Canada on in the USA.
So, as of today we now get to buy two because apparently the standards between the two counties are different. Even if they are the exact same brand, they have to have the appropriate Country certification on them. And it doesn’t appear that any car seat company does dual certification on their car seats! (Please, if you know of one that does let me know).
We can possibly rent one with a car rental in the USA, but at about $10 to $20 a day, and about 3 weeks in the USA, it will be cheaper to just buy one. And, if we get lucky and don’t need to rent a car (if our hotel is next to the hospital) we would just need one for the taxi ride to the airport. However, I don’t think we can rent one for a one off car ride. Arg. The annoyances of international adoption.
So, as of now, I have a potential options that could happen:
- We could break the law on the USA side, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to get a ticket for unsafe car seat travel when we are in the middle of an adoption. Something tells me this wouldn’t be smart!
- We’ve thought about breaking the law on the Canadian side, but honestly it’s not going to be worth the ticket if we were caught. And since our child will be spending a lot more time driving in Canada, there is a lot of potential that we could get checked as they do random car seat checks here (or so I’m told).
- Another, more realistic option is that when we know the State we are going to be in, I may reach out to someone who can lend us a car seat to get to the airport! This could be complicated if we are flying between states, which may be a necessity, but depending on where we are this could work. And then we buy a Canadian one for the long term. Only time will tell.
- Another option which is less complicated is that we just buy one in the USA and then find some sort of low income / mothers in need group to donate it to when we are done with it. I’m not sure if groups take used car seats, but I would HATE to thrown one out after only a few weeks of use. I know they say not to get one used, but honestly, if it’s only used for a few weeks, I hope some group will take it. And of course this would mean we’d buy a Canadian one too.
Right now option 4 is my preferred option due to the simplicity of it. We buy the one we really want for Canada. And we buy one for the USA and hope we can donate it when we are done with it. I don’t have to figure this out today, but I do need to try to figure out which brand to buy. Any suggestions on the brand?
Sometimes our rules are just so frustrating and seem so silly! Honestly, how different are Canadian vs. American car seats, really? Sometimes our rules seem crazy!
I’m going to chalk this one up to the joys of international adoption!
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