I have admitted in the past that I don’t think I gave Mr. MPB credit for the emotions he was feeling during each one of our losses.  The focus of the doctors, counselors and even myself was always on me.  Everyone was always worried about me because I was technically the patient.  I was the one whose health was at risk, as I was the one carrying the child.  But what I’ve often overlooked is that Mr. MPB was also losing his child, even if he wasn’t physically losing his child.

And I was recently reminded that pregnancy loss is a hard thing to deal with for everyone involved, including the partner not carrying the child.  It sticks with all of us including our partners, even as life moves on.  We all grieve differently, but we are all impacted.

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This all came to my mind because Mr. MPB came home from a project meeting the other day and told me story about his day.

One of the standard guys at this particular project meeting wasn’t there.  His replacement indicated to Mr. MPB that the guy had taken some unexpected personal time as his wife was going through the loss of their child.  A child who, just like ours, would never take their first breath.  A child, who was wanted and deeply loved.  And, as it turns out, this was their third consecutive loss.  Evidently, Mr. MPB said to the replacement to send his best wishes and to let him know if he ever wants to talk, Mr. MPB gets it.  While it’s not the exact same, Mr. MPB gets it since we we’ve lost multiple pregnancies as well.

The conversation sounded like a standard guy conversation – not too many details and definitely not at all emotional.  But, also no judgement.  But what caught me is that Mr. MPB shared his story and offered to talk to someone going through a similar circumstance.  He did not hide from it, instead he shared hoping to help someone else in their time of need.

As he retold his story to me, he reminded me that it was not and is not just me who suffered as he has his own experiences and his own stories.  He has the perspective of sitting by his wife not being able to help.  He has the perspective of not being able to fix a problem no matter how hard he tried.  He remembers the highest highs and the lowest lows.  He has the perspective of losing his child, the child he desperately wanted.  He remembers going to all the medical appointments and He remembers becoming the pharmacist, cab driver, dog walker and household care taker during surgery and recovery.   He remembers walking into the abortion clinic to terminate our desperately wanted child and holding me as I cried inconsolably.  He remembers trying to stay strong through everything, when I had nothing left to give.

Simply, I realized that Mr. MPB remembers every single thing.

Clearly, the experiences of the last few years of our lives live in his heart day in and day out, just as they do mine.

I’ve always known Mr. MPB is a pretty amazing man, but I have to say, hearing about his willingness to share and to help someone else just made my heart sign.   He’s a good man, and I am thankful I have him.  And I am thankful he wants to help others going through their own version of the hell that is recurrent pregnancy loss.

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