Christmas Cards
For the last few years I have always sent out Christmas cards to family and friends. I write a handwritten note in each card, usually personal in nature. Something a little more then just wishing your family a wonderful holidays.
This year is different.
This year, I have the cards but they are sitting untouched. And I might just not send them.
At first I thought maybe I was avoiding them because I’m so jaded about Christmas this year after my Dad’s Christmas email. But then, I realize that’s not really it.
As far as the cards go, I have absolutely no idea what to say in them.
We never did any sort of adoption announcement. We told our close friends and family, and just assumed that word would travel to the more distant relations.
So to those we never personally told I have no idea what to write. And to those we did, I also have no idea what to say. Do I say, we are waiting for our adoption? Do I say adoption after loss can be excruciatingly painful? Do I say that we are hoping 2016 will bring us our family? Or do I just not say anything about our adoption hope and stick to a standard wishing your family a wonderful holidays.
Some how, none of these options feel quite right. Most people just don’t understand adoption and writing about it without the opportunity to explain just doesn’t seem like a good idea. And ignoring it also doesn’t seem right, because I don’t think I should have to ignore such a significant part of our lives.
And so this year, I think I will skip sending them. I’ll just chalk it up to lazy and busy with work, even though I know in my heart it’s a tad bit more complicated then that.
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I skipped last year for the same reason. “Hi! We are still waiting for our adoption to get going after four losses – happy holidays!”…it just didn’t seem exciting or worth the trouble. This year I did send a card with just me and my husband sharing a whimsical moment from our big trip…no personal note about our lives…either people know or they don’t and there is nothing really to say at this point! Completely get it! I support you on doing what feels right, even if that’s nothing! 🙂
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well, why don’t you just write wishing them good health and a year of joy? Skip your part completely. Make it a template, write the same for everyone, after all you do wish everyone joy and good health.
its very sweet that you still send hand written cards, shows how much you care.
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I didn’t send cards last year, simply because I was feeling bitter about life. We had just had our miscarriage a month before when I would have sent them out, and I was annoyed by the small number of cards we had received the year before. I felt I didn’t need to waste my time on making others feel happy if nobody bothered to return the favor.
As for your dilemma…I don’t know why you have to speak of the adoption at all in a card? I certainly will not be saying in mine that we still are not pregnant and still waiting to begin the IVF process again. For me, I just don’t feel it’s something that belongs in a holiday card. The people that I feel need to stay in the loop with things already know what is going on, between emails/phone calls/texts. I will probably stick to the traditional have a wonderful Christmas and fun New Year, and hope that we will see you soon. There’s nothing wrong with saying something not overly personal but still kind and loving. 🙂
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I can totally see why you wouldn’t want to put a couple of sentences in a Christmas card about a subject so painful and important that needs so much more than a couple of sentences in a card.
Also it very much depends on who is getting the card and your relationship with them as to whether it feels the right thing to do – and only you are the judge of that!
On the other hand, I would much rather get a truthful message about what has happened to a friend in the past year and their hopes for the coming year than one of those everything’s perfect type round-robin letters!
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I hear yeah. I really don’t want to send Christmas cards this year either. After three rounds of IVF, and three miscarriages this fertility year has been a roller coaster, and not the fun type either. Except there is one reason why I might send them, we moved and pretty much only our immediate family and close friends know our new address. Sigh. Looks like it’ll just be a Merry Christmas and happy new year.
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I have so much hope for the joyous card you will be sending next Christmas so I say the lack of one is just building up suspense for next year. Xoxo
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I understand how you feel about this…but I know next Christmas is going to be a whole different matter for you guys and the years following too X
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I stopped sending out holiday cards last year. I just no longer feel like I’m in the spirit. And it’s okay if you skip them too. It’s a lot of work to write and address them all especially when you’re busy with work and have much more important things on your mind.
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I understand your feelings, but believe it is the absolute right of every adopting person NOT to talk about it or tell people beforehand. It is just too hard. It might help you to hear that once you have your child, everyone will understand and immediately forgive you for the silence beforehand.
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I’m sorry. I know how these people should be, what they should be like and what you deserve from them- but from the sounds of things they are never going to be that. Whether you tell them before or after I don’t think it matters, except to you both. For them, neither way will be right. By that I mean if you say it before then it’s not right and they aren’t interested or don’t want to think until it happens. If you do it after, you kept things from them and isolated yourself.
You cannot win with these people and your dad’s ‘everyone against you’ email just proved that.
I’m sorry he’s not the dad you want or deserve, or that the rest of your family are just as useless or worse. Concentrate on yourself and as for them, it’s easy to say but fuck them.
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I hardly ever send cards, but it’s more about laziness! Nobody I know really sends them any more as it’s all electronic now. I do have a load from my friends in other countries but then I keep moving so they probably don’t know how to find me! 🙂
I don’t know why you’d tell people about adoption… As Amy said, I won’t be telling folk about IVF and before then we didn’t say about TTC. I think it’s normal to announce after the fact! Anyone who needs to know will already know!
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I send birthday cards instead. Too lazy for Christmas card sending. I did it one year and it took me a long time. Don’t do it :).
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We usually do a photo card, but I didn’t send them last year. I hoping to get a great pic of us and the pups in front of the Christmas tree this year to send out. I get it though. Sometimes, it’s just hard to figure out what to write in the darn things!
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I am having the same thoughts with myself this week. I always send out cards and a little note with an up to date photo. Do I want to do that this year?? No idea!
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