Everyone knows that I am horrible at saying no. (Except to Little MPB when he attempts to throw himself off some sort of furniture or throw his food across the room. I am actually pretty good at saying and sometimes yelling no in those circumstances.)
But when it comes to work, I always say yes.
But about a month ago I told Mr. MPB I am done accepting new work until 2019. I am simply too busy and the next project might just be the straw that breaks the camels back. He fully supported my decision – as a numbers guy, he literally sees my income and sees how truly busy I am and didn’t even question me desire to not work more then I already am. (Note, I’m not saying work less, because I am so committed that there is no option to work less at this point. The option is just to not work more). In fact, he welcomed my decision.
Then, the very next day, my phone rang. A long time mentor of mine asked me to work on a project. A complex but yet fun project. With a completion date of end of 2018. Which means more work right when I committed to no more work. Pushing into 2019 was not an option. So, clearly, I said yes.
And of course, I reiterated to Mr. MPB that I’m done accepting any more work until 2019. As in, there’s no way I can possibly do anything more. Again, he agreed. This time, he politely informed me that he didn’t think I could actually say no to another job. I rolled my eyes, and said of course I can say no.
Well, that of course foreshadowed the email I got the next week. Another project. Another tight deadline, this one is October 2018. This one is even more exciting then the last one. Mr. MPB and I talked a lot about it, and even he agreed this project was too good to pass up. So, I said yes.
And then, a few weeks later I heard back on a proposal I submitted months ago that I assumed I didn’t get. Well, it turns out, I did get it. And low and behold, the deadline is end of 2018.
All this means that since I determined that I do not have capacity to do any additional work, I’ve taken on 3 additional projects. I am officially 3 projects in over my head.
.
The life of a consultant means you don’t turn down work. First, you never know when the next work will come in so you need to make money while you can make money. Second, you’ll never get asked to do another project for the same client if you turn them down.
But my life as a mom means that I do everything in my power to not work while Little MPB is home and awake. Which essentially means when I have too much work, I either spend my evenings working after he is in bed, or my mornings working, while the house is still quiet and no-one else is awake. I’m much more productive in the morning, so everyday this week I’ve been up before 5am typing away.
For me (and for many other people too) life-work balance is hard. So I’m thankful everyday that I have the ability to work from home so that I can set my hours around Little MPB’s schedule.
But, clearly I’m not balanced right now, nor am I going to be for the next few months as obviously I have no idea how to actually say no. In fact it’s quiet obvious that all I’ve effectively learned to say no to is my free time and sleep.
I read this line this morning, and I must say, it may just be the most inspirational thing I’ve read in a while:
If you are in a similar situation I urge you to consider lightening your load. Give yourself a goddam break. There is no need to be superwoman. Find the joy and shift as much of the hard stuff as you can…
For some reason, giving our own selves a break seems like that hardest thing to do but honestly, it’s the ace up your sleeve.
Now, please excuse me while I see if I can find a student to hire part-time to help give myself a break.
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow.
They start with a black speck in my vision. My right eye to be precise. The speck slowly grows and soon I see black/white squiggly lines dancing through my vision. The shape grows, sort of like a snake unwrapping from a tight coil. This is known as an aura in the migraine world.
The queasiness sets it. (As does my irrational fear that the aura will not go away and I’ll always be half blinded).
The dancing lines last about 20-30 minutes. I stop functioning for these 20-30 minutes – I cannot see probably and the world feels unsafe. If I’m at home, I sit in the bathtub to try to find any tiny bit of comfort. If I’m not home, I sit basically still until it passes.
Within 45 minutes, the throbbing of my left temple starts. I feel like someone is slowly twisting a screw driver through my temple, right into the back of my eye. Even moving from sitting to standing turns the throbbing into excruciating pain.
My only saving grace is my migraines only last for about 6-8 hours.
The very odd time, I am able to work get through them – so long as I don’t dare read. But more often then not, I’m laid up in bed praying to all the gods that the pain stops. If I’m lucky, I can sleep through it. If I’m not so lucky, I make my home on the bathroom floor so I’m close to the porcelene throne for whenever I throw-up.
I can honestly say, parenting a toddler with a migraine might just be an extra special version of hell because I cannot just go curl up in bed.
.
Migraines run in my family. Interestingly, I started getting them right after my mom and sister died.
As a teenager I was involved in an medical study on migraines in children. I changed my diet, and tracked all my migraines to the 5 minutes. I did an elimination diet and noted foods that caused migraines. It wasn’t the most fun I’ve ever had, but it was helpful because I started to learn food and lifestyle factors that cause my migraines.
As an adult, for years I took prescription migraine medications when I got an aura – the horrible side effects lasted for days, so I stopped taking them. Years ago, a neurologists tried to get me to take an epilepsy drugs that’s side effects scared that crap out of me. The neurologist’s recommendations scared me enough that I re-did the elimination diet and cut everything out of my diet and added in foods 1 week at a time. If I got a migraine, I knew I couldn’t eat that food. If I didn’t get a migraine it became a safe food. Now, I do not eat
- Monosodium Glutamate (MSG)
- Sugar substitutes like aspartame
- Caffeine – no coffee for me. Oddly some chai tea lattes brands are safe, and some are not.
- Black, white or green teas – herbal teas only, and the odd green tea that I’ve found over the years.
Now, I stay away from all my trigger foods because if I eat a trigger food, I’m sick within 12 hours. But some of my life-triggers, like the day after stress, are impossible to avoid. And unfortunately, I am probably bound to get those ones for the rest of my life and I will spend the first or second day of any vacation in a hotel room.
Now, aIl I take is extra strength Tylenol and avoid all prescription drugs. Truthfully, I’m not sure the Tylenol does anything, but I figure it’s better then absolutely nothing.
I even avoid talking about migraines and never read about them, as if somehow even just the mention of the world will cause one.
Migraines are the bane of my existence. I’d give almost anything to never have to endure another one.
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow.
My Perfect Breakdown 