I’ve pondered before who we’d tell when we found out about an adoption match. I assumed I’d tell a few friends but not our family. So, now that we are in the situation, I thought I’d share what we are actually doing.

First, we have told a very few select friends. And when I say few, I mean a very few. Like I can count them one hand. And what’s awesome is that in the last few years we’ve really learned who the amazing people are in our lives. And, so with the news of our match, they have once again exceeded our expectations. They have been asking really amazing questions and are giving us a chance to practice answers. Questions we haven’t even thought about, so the practice is nice. And, they have all been respectful, loving and supportive. I couldn’t ask for anything better.

Second, we have shared on my blog. Because my friends throughout the world have given us more support than almost anyone else in our real lives.

Third, we are NOT telling any family. Our families have a history of not being supportive in the way we need. So, we are not going there. In addition we don’t feel like explaining our next steps when we don’t know them. And we don’t feel like having to explain the real chance of a failed adoption to people who don’t get it. Although, I have to say, we both want to tell our families because we are bursting to share the exciting news of a match, but we know better. And so we won’t tell them until the relinquishment papers are signed. Once the paperwork is signed, then we will call our parents and siblings and share the exciting news by introducing them to our child. And if we don’t end up brining baby home, then they will never know.

Our decision making on this subject has been very pragmatic and based in one simple fact – we need support right now. We are surrounding ourselves with those who will be nothing but supportive. And I will not apologise for that, not now and not ever.

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After our phone call the next steps were laid out to us pretty clearly.

1. We all let the social worker know that we are still interested in moving forward. Both Mr. MPB and I and the birth mom have to let the social worker know. This is done.
2. The lawyer contacts the potential birth father to terminate his parental rights. (Birth father can choose to terminate their rights during the pregnancy, birth mother cannot until after delivery and their timeline varies from state to state.)
3. There are about a billion more steps after this, but I’m trying to focus on small incremental steps as to prevent becoming overwhelmed.

If the lawyer cannot terminate birth father rights, we will walk away. We are not interested in pursuing an adoption where a birth father wants to parent. That’s not how we want to create our family. And practically, we are not interested in the legal bills that would go along with such a fight.

And so, now wait to find out what happens with the potential birth father. At the same time we will continue to talk to the birth mom and work to build our relationship.

And more than anything we continue to hope that the pieces keep falling into place.

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