Navigating international open adoption has been one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. When we started the process we were told not to expect much help from anyone, but we were confident (and slightly arrogant) that as two professionals we could figure it out.
We’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on multiple paid professionals and not one of them gave us guidance as we tried to figure out how to fill in immigration paperwork. No-one helped us figure out how to provide required documentation that doesn’t exist in our country. No-one helped us figure out which agency to hire. None of them helped us figure out the different laws in different states. No-one helped us figure out the medical information we received when we were matched. No-one has put a stop to the downright horrible things we experienced at the hands of our USA agency (again, I’ll share more about this once the adoption is finalized).
We were left to figure out the USA emergency passport paperwork on our own. We figured out the inter-state adoption rules largely on our own. We developed our own interview questions for agencies. We developed our own process charts, tables and checklists to try to navigate the process.
Essentially, just as we were told to expect, we were left to navigate the adoption process in two countries on our own.
I like to think we are doing so successfully. At least so far.
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When we got home I agreed to be a resource to other families in the international adoption process for our local agency. I wanted to help which meant I dragged Mr. MPB along for the ride (as I often do). We’ve now spoken at adoption seminars for families considering adoption.
And, I have had multiple one-on-one conversations with prospective families and families already in the process.
But, now it seems our local agency is referring virtually all new couples/individuals considering international adoption or in the match process to me. I’m essentially getting weekly calls. And, while it’s nice to help, I’m getting starting to get tired of it.
I want to help, I truly do. Please don’t get me wrong.
But, I have limited time. I’m a new mom and I’m a working mom. I think it’s fair to say that my spare time is somewhat limited and has become very precious to me. I’m not sure how to draw the line, but I do feel that a line needs to be drawn.
Also want to know why the local agency isn’t able to do some of this themselves? Isn’t this partially their role? Or isn’t this part of the role of the agency in the foreign country? Or the lawyers? Seriously, with the amount of money being spent shouldn’t this be someones paid job?
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I recently stopped at a salon located in a mall to see if they could clean up my eyebrows. Something I’ve done many times before as I’m not great at booking appointments for such small things. I will add that it was a rather large corporate salon that I’ve been to before without thought for my eyebrows (I’d never let them cut me hair though).
As I went in to book an appointment I stood there with my son happily and quietly playing in his stroller.
The lady nicely took my information for an available appointment 10 minutes later. Which was perfect in my mind. Once the appointment was confirmed, she proceeded to say with quite the attitude:
“Do you have somewhere to put your child? Your child is not welcome…We have a child policy.”
Honestly, how does one respond to this? I’m used to people stopping and gushing at how cute Baby MPB is (which I happen to agree with). This was the first time someone told me I wasn’t allowed with my child. So, needless to say this was a mom first that I didn’t expect.
My response, maybe not the best, but I laughed out loud and polity yet ever so sarcastically said:
“Never-mind then I’ll take my business elsewhere. I cannot exactly park his stroller in the mall and leave him there by himself for 15 minutes.”
I was irritated, in part because I just didn’t expect it and in part because of the lady’s attitude. But, what irritated me about this is:
- Clearly I was on my own with my child. Maybe tell a mom first before you start booking the appointment. And maybe tell her politely.
- If you ever want my business again, please do not refer to my child with massive attitude as some sort of inconvenience.
- Aren’t eye brow waxing’s done in a private room? How would my child sitting in his stroller impacted anything for any other customer?
- It was a salon in a rather crappy mall, not a high end salon. Seriously, lose the pretentious attitude.
So, is it common place for businesses to be anti-child? Clearly certain businesses like bars and casinos don’t let children in, but it is common for other places to be? Are there other places I should be aware of?
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