Low Expectations

I’m on the road with work 3 days this week, including 1 over night.  That means, this week was always going to be a tad bit more stressful then normal.  But with my relative staying with us and she will help out with Little MPB – and for the record I’m not being sarcastic. We are three weeks into her staying with us, and things are going well.  She helps out with Little MPB and the dog.  So, with her help I’m confident that the evenings I’m away, she’ll help out so it wont be as stressful for Mr. MPB.

But, then, on Sunday everything about this week became a bit more stressful.  Sunday we found out one of Mr. MPB’s relatives was coming to visit for a few days.  He’s been on a cross country road trip, that no-one bothered to tell us about. So, 4 hours before he was expected to arrive, he told us.  He said he’d be staying for 1 or 2 nights.  Last time he did this, he stayed for nearly a week.

And, then on Sunday we also found out that Mr. MPB’s parents are coming next next week too. Maybe as early as Wednesday.  Or Maybe Friday.  We have no idea how long they will be staying, but presumably just through the weekend.  They tend to stress me out, as we’ve had some pretty bad visits in the past.

So, it’s only Monday morning, and I’m stressed for a bunch of reasons:

  • Hosting people while I’m not even home = not fun.
  • Do people not understand that it’s respectful to give notice???  I couldn’t imagine just inviting myself to stay at someone else’s house, ever!  And, especially not without giving decent notice!!
  • We told Mr. MPB’s family weeks ago, that this summer we had someone staying in our house and if they wanted to visit they couldn’t while she is here.  Clearly that’s now being ignored by them and by Mr. MPB.  I actually kinda get Mr. MPB not saying now – it’s hard to say not to family visiting.  But, I do not get why they feel the need to come visit when they know we don’t have the space.  I find it so disrespectful.
  • We don’t have the space for all these people!!!   I will not make our permanent guest re-arrange her space to fit them – she was here first, and everyone knew about her visit.  Also, we promised her our basement for the summer, and I’m not breaking that promise.  (She has offered, but I’ve firmly said no).  Given that it’s mid-week they cannot sleep on the mattresses in our office – we need to work. This means, everyone is going to be crashing in our living room/Little MPB’s play room.
  • Both Mr. MPB and I are self-employed and work from home.  Mid-week visits are never good for us because always just assume since we work for ourselves we can just take the day off to visit.  This week it’s not an option – we both have work commitments and deadlines.  Oh, and we also like to get paid so we need to work.
  • I’m going to be doing laundry all week as I prepare for people to come and go.  As if I have the time for that.
  • We are going to be cooking / ordering in food all week to feed a bunch of people.  This is going to be expensive, and I have much better ways I’d prefer to spend my money.
  • I’m going to be doing a lot of the work because it’s Mr. MPB’s family so he’ll spend more time just chatting – as he should.  But, it’s going to be tough since I’m also going to be away.  So I’m positive that when I am home, I’m going to feel like I’m just working my butt off the entire time.

I can honestly say, I’m not excited for this week.  But here’s to hoping my expectations are so low that things can only go better then I expect right now.

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16 Comments on “Low Expectations

  1. I actually have a family member who told my mom that they were going to visit us later this year, but I haven’t heard anything about it from the actual family member. We have had family stay in a near by hotel or air bnb before when we didn’t have room. I’m sorry you are having to deal with that stress. I hope it goes smoothly or that perhaps they miraculously realize how inconvenient it was.

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  2. Wow – I think Mr. MPB needs to be drawing some clearer boundaries. It’s not your job to tell them, but he needs to communicate that just announcing a visit like that, especially knowing that you already have a house guest, is absolutely unacceptable. Add in a toddler and a puppy! I’d be blowing my lid if this were my house 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with Caitlin…boundaries are needed! Just the four of you (including doodle MPB) are probably enough in your house…let alone additional guests!

    Maybe if you just start saying they need to stay in a hotel because your house is full, they will stop assuming they can just come and stay?

    I know lots of people who do this…but I don’t get it. I was raised that you don’t even drop by without calling first…anything else is rude. I wouldn’t dream of dropping by unannounced for a visit let alone an overnight stay!

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  4. Yeah, under the circumstances, I might say “no” to these visitors. No notice = no space for you and no time in our schedules to spend with you. Sorry. Would love to see you next time you’re in town, so let us know ahead of time. 😉

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  5. Qs1 ) How is it really affecting you? Is it because you don’t get along with them and you need to tolerate them in addition to a busy week? If yes, then set your boundaries with Mr MPB and let him know that you wont be available to entertain and his parents have to entertain themselves and Mr MPB has to do the clean up after them. Be honest, don’t let it fester and hurt you. its not worth it. You cannot tell parents you are not welcome, but you can always tell the spouse whose parents are coming to pull the extra load. Thats all there is to it!

    Well, if space is such a constraint tell the guest you calls in 4 hours before coming that they are not welcome. You don’t owe any obligations to him, unlike parents where in unless Mr MPB has cut off all relations with his parents, he will and should never say no.

    You tell his parents never make an attempt to visit or bond with little MPB and now that they are doing it, you say they are not doing it at your convenience. Well, and regarding buying food and feeding parents, is a little below the belt Mrs MPB and not your style! If things are really that tough, tell them to pitch in. If they can take the liberty to come in ” un-invited” then, you can take the liberty to ask them to pitch in with house work.. And in any case, as you said, you will be away from home- travelling, so shouldn’t bother you at all!

    You are stressing over something that is completely not in your control and completely in Mr MPB’s control, so trust him to make the right decisions and things will be fine, and please, I say this will all humility, do not label any parental relationship as toxic only because you do not get along with them . We have a saying in my country “what you say, will come back to you”. If you had parents that played with your self esteem/ didnt let you thrive/ abusive when you didnt have the power to walk away, then yes, it was toxic whihc I know is not the case here, because Mr MPB is a fine gentleman.

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    • Have I mentioned lately how much I appreciate you for calling it like it is?
      First, you are completely right. We can afford groceries, and we are more then capable of making decent meals and feeding our guests well. I’m just complaining. Which is definitely not productive or helpful.
      Your right, I complain constantly that his parents never visit and never make an effort with Little MPB. And I didn’t mention it, but I know part of why I’m annoyed is that they aren’t actually coming to visit us. They are coming for work. Since writing this I have learned that they expect to arrive after Little MPB is in bed and may maybe spend a few hours with him in the morning one day, and that’s it. They could actually stay a few days, and we offered to let them, while respecting that our guest room is already allocated to a guest who is staying with us for the summer, that they already knew about. Even though I’d rather them stay in a hotel, they never would.
      And so we’ve told them we’ll make the space in the house work. But no, they don’t seem to care about a real visit. Little MPB is not their priority, and it’s better then nothing, but it makes me mad that there is no reason they cannot visit to just visit. But they wont and they don’t. And I think it’s crap. And I do realize there is a chance when they get here they’ll stay through the weekend, because why not? But as of now, they claim they will be arriving late Friday and leaving first thing Saturday. And that’s crap, because it’s not like they have to get home to work on the weekend.
      You are also right, this is all in Mr. MPB’s control. We have a long standing rule that things related to my parents are my decision and things related to his parents are his decision – this is not changing anytime soon. And so, he makes the decision to make things work, then I stand by that. Even if I do want to complain. And I love your suggestion that I tell Mr. MPB to do more while his parents are here, so it’s not all on my shoulders. And truthfully, with my work travels this week, he has no real choice to but to step up and do a bit more then he normally does. And now that we know more details about his parents visit, my work travels actually make the visit easier on me – I am expected to be on the road Friday, so I wont get home until probably 10 or 11pm and will miss the bulk of their visit. This will probably be best for everyone – they can visit with their son and I wont be stressed out about the visit and they wont have much opportunity to treat me poorly.
      Also, as for the other relative. There is a lot about this person I didn’t say, because it’s not my place. I actually have more willingness to let him stay with us, because of his life situation, and I have more tolerance for his lack of notice, because he likely doesn’t understand how it would be outside the bounds of normal social conduct.

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    • A little update – they have now decided to stay all day Saturday and leave sometime on Sunday. Which means they are making the decision to spend some time with Little MPB. Which is good for Little MPB – as you reminded me, I have said time and time again that I want them to have a relationship and this is an attempt at that. They also know they will be sleeping on couches, not in our guest room which is already occupied.
      Now, for me to just check my current bad attitude at the door. I have 4 days to refocus myself – and that’s solely on my shoulders.

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      • Kudos.. Dont give it too much of a thought.. be yourself and enjoy watching little MPB enjoy with his grand parents..

        We engineers say, don’t over engineer to the point that the solution becomes the problem 🙂

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  6. It’s kinda rude to just tell someone “hey I’m coming on this day, be ready for me!” I would never do such a thing!! I’d tell them that your house is already full and they have to stay at a hotel. Absolutely nuts. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, and I hope you all survive!

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  7. Oh no! The good thing about living in a small flat is that nobody expects to stay. And I tell them they’d have to sleep on the floor! That’s so inconsiderate. I hope at least they have a nice time with little one and they don’t cause too much stress for you.

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  8. Geez and I felt stressed bc we are leaving this week and also pet sitting for ever person possible! I’ll be amazed if everyone is fed and alive at the end Of the week, haha! I can’t imagine having all the animals replaced with humans! May the force be with you!

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  9. I am so sorry you are having to put up with that. I would have told hubby NO ! One thing I do not tolerate are people staying in my house. We will pay for a hotel room, but with my daughter, no one is laying down in my house. I do not trust people and I am not putting myself out. When we are at our oceanfront, it is fine because we have a lock out unit that is separate from the rest of the house. It has a king bed, bar area with microwave and fridge and has its own full bath. We have to only see them at breakfast and dinner, which is usually out unless I feel like cooking. It is very rude to crash at someone’s home when there are hotels nearby. You deserve your privacy ! Praying it works out for you, but you need to put your foot down going forward.

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  10. Wow that’s rude and frustrating! My husband’s uncle did that once to my in-laws and showed up without notice at their lake house. They weren’t even there that day and he called them from a pay phone nearby. This was back way before cell phones, which have slightly improved the uncle’s communication skills. Nice guy, just thoughtless. Well, I hope you have some fun with your guests despite the stress.

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