Not Saying Goodbye
I have to say thank you to everyone who encouraged me yesterday. And I also need to acknowledge an amazing friend who sent me a very touching card, that left me wondering how in the world she knew just what I needed to hear and how her kind words arrived on the very day when I needed some encouragement.
Mr. MPB even brought up yesterdays post with me, as he seemed concerned that I’d stop writing. Apparently, he likes reading what I have to say and really hopes I wont stop writing. (But seriously, I have to wonder, what husband wouldn’t like a written version of their wives thoughts?)
I don’t know what’s at the root of my current state of mind around my writing. I just know I feel slightly off. Is it that I feel some sort of survivors guilt/remorse about being a parent? Is it that things are going pretty well at the moment and I don’t want to come off as showing off? Honestly, some days it all seems to good to be true. Is it just that chasing a toddler has me completely exhausted and not able to think straight enough to string a few sentences together in a coherent manner? Is it that I feel weird being in a place of knowing that’s it’s very likely we will never have a second child? Is that I feel like the power of my voice is muted because I’m anonymous, yet I know I’m not ready to remove the safety of being anonymous?
Honestly, I have no idea.
I guess, what I do know I that I do enjoy writing. It helps me sort through the crazy things that circle around in my brain. But maybe even more importantly, it connects me with people in a way that feeds my soul.
And, so, while I still have no idea how I will bridge the varied audiences who read what I have to say, I know that I am going to just keep writing. And, as I write, I am going to just keep sharing whatever happens to be on my mind, the good, the not so good and the downright bad. And hopefully, I’ll be able to do so in a way that is supportive and respectful of others, no matter where they are in their life.
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