Not Saying Goodbye

I have to say thank you to everyone who encouraged me yesterday.  And I also need to acknowledge an amazing friend who sent me a very touching card, that left me wondering how in the world she knew just what I needed to hear and how her kind words arrived on the very day when I needed some encouragement.

Mr. MPB even brought up yesterdays post with me, as he seemed concerned that I’d stop writing.  Apparently, he likes reading what I have to say and really hopes I wont stop writing.  (But seriously, I have to wonder, what husband wouldn’t like a written version of their wives thoughts?)

I don’t know what’s at the root of my current state of mind around my writing.  I just know I feel slightly off.  Is it that I feel some sort of survivors guilt/remorse about being a parent?  Is it that things are going pretty well at the moment and I don’t want to come off as showing off?  Honestly, some days it all seems to good to be true.  Is it just that chasing a toddler has me completely exhausted and not able to think straight enough to string a few sentences together in a coherent manner?  Is it that I feel weird being in a place of knowing that’s it’s very likely we will never have a second child?  Is that I feel like the power of my voice is muted because I’m anonymous, yet I know I’m not ready to remove the safety of being anonymous?

Honestly, I have no idea.

I guess, what I do know I that I do enjoy writing.  It helps me sort through the crazy things that circle around in my brain.  But maybe even more importantly, it connects me with people in a way that feeds my soul.

And, so, while I still have no idea how I will bridge the varied audiences who read what I have to say, I know that I am going to just keep writing.  And, as I write, I am going to just keep sharing whatever happens to be on my mind, the good, the not so good and the downright bad.  And hopefully, I’ll be able to do so in a way that is supportive and respectful of others, no matter where they are in their life.

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14 Comments on “Not Saying Goodbye

  1. I’ve never been through such loss, I can’t even fathom how painful it’s been. But even still, your posts shine wisdom on a dark area of life that most never witness, and you bring it into light for the rest of the world. Reading the adoption posts, how difficult even that was for you, broke my heart for your family. I hope you’ll continue to push through and stay strong despite everything. You do make a difference by blogging here!

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  2. I’m glad you will keep writing. If you didn’t, I would have to depend on email to keep in touch, and I’m horrible at that format of communication!

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  3. I’m so glad to hear you will keep writing. Let your blog morph with you, become whatever is currently on your mind. I’d love to hear your thoughts more on the world around you, and I always love hearing about Little MPB…although I can’t believe he is so grown up already! 🙂

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  4. I am so glad you will keep writing! I need to get back to it myself. I think your longer time readers may have all followed you for different reasons, but we stay because we care and we want to ride the ups and downs with you. Reading your blogs feels like sitting down with a friend to have a coffee and a chat. Plus, you are a little ahead of me in the parenting business and I need to know what’s ahead 😂 my son is almost 1 and so is entering the toddler phase. I also would love more thoughts on one and done as I struggle with the decison whether to have another child or not (and yes, very well aware of the privilege I have to even contemplate a second so easily).

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  5. You wrote a post the other day about two worlds blending and right now I have so many lines from Trolls popping into my head! (It’s irritating and hilarious but I digress)…
    I’ll just say that I think you should keep going. You obviously enjoy it and so do your readers. There’s enough guilt on the daily that parents contend with, don’t let ‘survivors remorse’ or however you want to phrase it, impede what you get joy and happiness and contentment from 💜

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  6. I know plenty of husbands who would be bored by reading their wive’s blogs! Maybe those people got the wrong husband! But Mr MPB does seem like a good egg. I’m having issues with my writing at the moment too. I’ve became afraid of my objective *sigh* so I get how you are feeling. Here’s to both of us and may we both reconcile it within ourselves soon.

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  7. Hugs and kisses ! And FYI, those of us who care about you and your wellbeing would never feel that you were “showing off” by sharing God’s blessings in your life. We are as excited for you as you are and elated that you are happy. Anyone who doesn’t rejoice with you are haters and eff them anyway 🙂 #keepwriting #itscathartic

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