Forms
After navigating international adoption I am pretty used to filling in forms. I’m rather proficient at filling them in, and I am also pretty darn good at it. Not to jinx myself, but I’m yet to fill one out incorrectly and have it rejected by any sort of government, agency or lawyer.
But, then we were asked to fill out some forms for daycare. And I’m procrastinated like there is no tomorrow.
You see, the ask an open ended question that I am struggling with answering:
Please tell us any additional important information about your child.
At first I couldn’t think of anything. Little MPB is a pretty relaxed and happy little guy. He does not have allergies. He does not have any illnesses.
But then I realized, he’s adopted!
Is that the type of important information they want to know? And, should we tell them at this point in time?
As I’ve stated countless times, his adoption is absolutely not a secrete. But, we also don’t want him to wear a sign that says I’m adopted. Unless of course he wants to wear a sign that says he’s adopted, then we are all for it. But at this point in time, we have to make that decision for him. And by filling in this form stating that he’s adopted we are automatically marking him with this information.
We realize that at this age, it’s pretty inconsequential to Little MPB as the daycare already teaches about diverse families. But what about forms when he starts kindergarten, or hockey or any other sort of organized program. Do we share this on his behalf when it wont really make a difference to the programming?
At some point we need to hand the form in and so we want to think through our approach to these forms in the future too. At this point we are leaning towards sharing the information if it will make a difference to helping ensure the program is respectful of our family. But if it wont make a difference (i.e. sports) just leaving it out. And, as he ages, we will ask his input on how/if he wants to tell others.
Any thoughts?
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Duh! unless it asks did you push him out of your vagina or cut you open, why do you need to state how he came into your lives?
I can still relate to revealing info if you were same sex couples ,then yes, its a little odd having your child make ” Happy mothers day” or “Happy fathers day” cards.. maybe then they should be more diverse and accepting…..
They want to know more about stuff like as soon as he wakes up, should he be cuddled? Does he like to drink milk/hot beverage after eating lunch or waking up from nap? what is the easiest way to soothe him? any favourite plush toy characters? does he know sign language.. that kind of stuff..
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I would say the only reason that you would need to share that with them is for medical reasons. BUT you are in contact with his birth mom, who also (obviously) knows info about who she got pregnant by, so you (I think) know about any medical conditions that may be hereditary that could possibly be of concern. If you didn’t have that info, or access to it, it might be worth mentioning that he’s adopted with no known medical history. Since that’s not the case, it’s not really any of their business, and shouldn’t matter.
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Unless there is something specific that him being adopted affects to do with him being in daycare I would say you don’t need to tell them. I did disclose this to my children’s daycare simply because they were adopted from care after suffering trauma at the hands of their biological family. That means that they don’t always react to situations in the same way that another child might, so we felt they might need a bit of forewarning. That was the only reason, because we felt it was in the best interests of our children for them to know. If we felt it wasn’t, then we wouldn’t have.
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I am with the ladies above. I don’t think it is really necessary. I used to state ‘he is an IVF baby’ to anyone who would listen until one caretaker told me ‘it is great you are open with that and happy you have your miracle but how he got in your arms isn’t really that relevant’. All that being said- I think you go with your gut- it has made you a great Mom so far.
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I can understand why you’d really consider writing this down before actually doing so. I hope you come up with a decision that is best for your family.
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I can see why you might want to state it for school and daycare because you want to make sure teachers don’t say anything disrespectful or not inclusive, and for teachers to keep an ear out for other kids saying anything disrespectful. But they probably don’t expect you to divulge that info. So I say, if you feel more comfortable making it known up front, share away!
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I think it’s totally up to you and there isn’t a right answer at this point. Now, as he starts growing older, he may talk about having a birth Mom and in that case you would maybe want them to be aware of it. I have our good friend’s kiddos that are adopted and they chat about their Birth Mom’s off and on with me and tell me when they’re going for a visit with them.
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