After Infertility

Me: My side is killing me.  It’s not my right side so I’m pretty sure it’s not my appendix. 

Mr. MPB: Where does it hurt?

Me: (pointing to the exact location) I’ve been in intense pain all day, right here.  If this keeps up like this for a few more days I’m probably going to have to go to the doctor. 

Mr. MPB: Your probably just ovulating.  Remember you produce and release more follicles in a month then most women.  You’ll probably feel fine in a few hours. 

Me: (feeling slightly stupid) Oh ya.  That makes perfect sense. 

.

This momentary conversation indicated two things very clearly to me:

  1. I no longer have any idea where I am in my monthly cycle, unless it’s that time of the month of course because that’s kind of hard to miss.  I do not remember the last time I noted the start of a cycle, or the date of a cycle, or an ovulation date.  I simply don’t pay attention anymore, and I’m totally okay with that fact.
  2. After years of tracking my monthly cycle, peeing on way to many sticks, having more medical procedures done then I’d ever like to remember and visiting all kinds of doctors and specialists, my husband clearly learned a thing or two about female anatomy.  More specifically he learned a thing or two about my (broken) anatomy.  It’s amazing the things infertility teaches a couple – or maybe in this circumstance just the man, as I’ve evidently forgotten everything!!

I really don’t miss that time in our lives.

I don’t miss the testing.

I don’t miss the endless procedures.

I don’t miss my weekly schedule being directed by medical appointments.

But mostly, I just don’t miss the fear of hope, the anxiety that came with each pregnancy and the sense of earth shattering loss that we endured all too frequently.

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9 Comments on “After Infertility

  1. My husband has learned so much during this experience as well! He was homeschooled with only one brother, no sisters, so he’s learned a lot living with me. Ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am to so glad to hear that you are in a good place and that your TTC days are behind you and Baby MPB is with you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This just happened to me this past Monday and I almost went to the hospital because of how painful it was..on my left side and I’ve already had my appendix out and then remembered it’s my ovulation too…horrible…but so happy you are now free of fear and anxiety 🙂 xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well I’m glad you guys figured out what it was and saved yourself a trip to the Dr! I don’t miss our TTC days either…but I find that I think about it ALL THE TIME lately. I’m glad you’re able to put it behind you and move on with life. I do hope the pain lessens for you soon!

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  5. Ha that conversation is funny- and it’s so true! We have learned more than probably any human (besides drs) should know about the female reproductive system. I’ve joked before that I know so much I could almost be a Dr!
    With that said, that’s pretty awesome that you no longer have any idea what’s going on with your cycle. Since we have just decided not to try any longer, I did catch myself the other day thinking about what day in my cycle I’m on. It’s become a way of life for 5 years, I can’t expect the habit to change overnight!

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  6. I’ve always thought it’s crazy how in tune you become with your body when TTC. And I can totally understand why not worry about testing or any of that stuff would be a relief. It’s such a stressful process and forgetting about it all sounds nice.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That fear of hope is such an overwhelming and confusing feeling. Scared to be happy. Can’t wait until that feeling is gone for us. So happy you have closure.

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