The Christmas Season
I know for many this Christmas season is especially hard. Many people are longing for a baby in their arms, waiting through a miscarriage, remembering lost family members, etc. Sadly, this season is not happy for all.
This season, while meant to bring families together to create happy memories, just doesn’t always work that way.
For me, I have not forgotten my childhood Christmas’ before my mom and sister died – the magic of the season. I still remember my first Christmas without them like it was yesterday. I truly doubt Christmas will ever feel truly “right” to me without them with us to enjoy it. I hold these memories dear to my heart and I am truly thankful I have 14 years of memories to hold onto.
I have not forgotten all the past Christmas’ that we chose to skip family dinners and hide at home away from all the pregnant family members and the new babies. Last year, we didn’t even decorate for the season. I have not forgotten the harsh words we received for choosing to protect our own hearts rather then exposure our fragile selves to the pregnant family members and new babies. And, I have not forgotten my babies lost way to early to miscarriage. I’ll admit, I have always been thankful we never experienced a miscarriage in December as to not tarnish this one holiday in the same way that my birthday is a reminder of 2 of our losses.
Yet, I am also thankful that this year will be different for us. Clearly my mom and sister will not be here, nor will any of our babies we lost too soon. But, Baby MPB is here. And the fact that he is here and is our son, deserves to be celebrated!
Even if this Christmas isn’t perfect, I am convinced it’s going to be the best Christmas Mr. MPB and I have ever had. I am determined to let just enjoy and step away from potential family drama. And more then anything I am determined to soak up every single moment of Christmas magic through Baby MPB’s eyes.
Wishing everyone a very happy Christmas and holiday season, especially those who are struggling right now.
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