Heart vs Head

My heart says yes.  My heart actually screams yes.

My head says no.  There is just no practical way we make this happen.

Oddly (or maybe not oddly at all), Mr. MPB seems to be saying the exact same thing.

We would love another child.  A sibling for Baby MPB.  Another child for us to love. More laughter and love to fill our house.  If we were normal fertile people I have no doubt we’d have another child (or two). But, we aren’t normal fertile people and thus, these decisions just aren’t that simple.

So, what are we supposed to do?  How do we make this decision?

Part of me fears that we will say yes to the embroy’s and then not be able to find a healthy home for them to grow in. Another part of me fears that by some miracle we’ll find a healthy home for one to grow, and yet we’ll still endure miscarriages.  And part of me knows that the cost paying for a gestational carrier (potentially upwards of 60K) simply isn’t in the cards for us from a purely financial perspective.  And another part of me fears that if we don’t find a way to make it happen, that we’ll never have another opportunity to have a second child again.  And truthfully, probably my most troubling fear right now is that our indecision means we are dragging our friends along for a ride based solely on our emotions, and not at all in theirs – how in the world can this be fair to them?  And how much longer can we really ask them to sit and wait.  (I do need to add that they are amazing individuals and have not put any pressure on us, but I cannot help but think in a way part of their lives are also on hold while we think things through).

I guess, all of this is to say, we still have no idea.  If we listen to our hearts, a possible second child would be like a dream come true.  But, if we look to all the practical problems facing us, it feels daunting and almost, dare I say, impossible.

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17 Comments on “Heart vs Head

  1. Hmmm, such tough questions to answer. Heart vs head is the worst! Hope you reach a decision that soothes the mind and the soul.
    Much love to both of you in this tough situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s never a ‘good’ or ‘right’ time to do anything. That’s the hard part. But you just have to be able to answer the question, ‘Would I regret not doing this?’ And sometimes you need to take the plunge even without knowing how it will all work out.
    The best laid plans…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. What an incredibly heart wrenching decision. I can totally see how this would be amazing, expensive, anxiety producing. You’re friends are wonderful for offering this to you. Whatever you decide I hope you’re at peace. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Do you have a friend or relative who has offered to be your carrier? Then that would be ideal from the financial perspective.. i hope you reach a decision soon that makes you happy and brings you comfort. Much love.
    You are an amazing person to feel so much for your generous friends, God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Let me know how this plays out. 🙂 We’re int he same dilemma. Should we keep fostering and pray for an adoption or go for a gestational carrier? Not sure we have the energy for a newborn…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. These are all serious things to take into consideration and I can understand why you are hesitant about moving forward. I do think it’s very kind you are thinking about your friends feelings but I have a feeling they understand your need to really think about the possibilities.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Good luck in deciding. Such a hard choice 😦 heart vs head stuff is incredibly difficult, especially as you don’t know what could happen. Sending love and good thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Good luck… I hope you don’t feel pressured to make a decision now. Your little one is still very little and a lot of people would not be considering that right now!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So tricky. Can I ask, what are your friends plans if you choose not to accept their embryos? Would they still adopt them to someone else? Also, I thought it was illegal to pay for a surrogate in Canada, but I really don’t know the intricacies?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Just wondering if you would even think of adopting a child in Canada,that had already had parental rights terminated. I realize this is somewhat rare…but I have known ppl who adopted a toodler who’s parents rights had been terminated at 6 months. There is still cost, while its been a couple of years since I have seen them(moved), they said it cost them a total of 10 thousand. I was just wondering if being approved and able to access the childrens files on line…is something you might think about. Just in case you saw a child and a situation that would be fit for you. Wishing you two peace no matter what you decide, hugs


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