Heart vs Head
My heart says yes. My heart actually screams yes.
My head says no. There is just no practical way we make this happen.
Oddly (or maybe not oddly at all), Mr. MPB seems to be saying the exact same thing.
We would love another child. A sibling for Baby MPB. Another child for us to love. More laughter and love to fill our house. If we were normal fertile people I have no doubt we’d have another child (or two). But, we aren’t normal fertile people and thus, these decisions just aren’t that simple.
So, what are we supposed to do? How do we make this decision?
Part of me fears that we will say yes to the embroy’s and then not be able to find a healthy home for them to grow in. Another part of me fears that by some miracle we’ll find a healthy home for one to grow, and yet we’ll still endure miscarriages. And part of me knows that the cost paying for a gestational carrier (potentially upwards of 60K) simply isn’t in the cards for us from a purely financial perspective. And another part of me fears that if we don’t find a way to make it happen, that we’ll never have another opportunity to have a second child again. And truthfully, probably my most troubling fear right now is that our indecision means we are dragging our friends along for a ride based solely on our emotions, and not at all in theirs – how in the world can this be fair to them? And how much longer can we really ask them to sit and wait. (I do need to add that they are amazing individuals and have not put any pressure on us, but I cannot help but think in a way part of their lives are also on hold while we think things through).
I guess, all of this is to say, we still have no idea. If we listen to our hearts, a possible second child would be like a dream come true. But, if we look to all the practical problems facing us, it feels daunting and almost, dare I say, impossible.
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