First, I need to say thank you so much for everyone’s thoughts yesterday. I learned something really important yesterday – it’s not so much about the embryo grading, but more about if the embryos are genetically normal.
This conversation reinforced that I/we need to have realistic expectations. As most of us know, having embryos and even being pregnant does not guarantee a successful pregnancy – there are just so many other factors at play many of which are completely out of our control.
For us, when we chose international, open, infant adoption we made very deliberate choices. In fact, while making these choices we also chose to be matched with a potential birth mom who was in her third trimester – we knew when we were matched that our potential child would be well past viability. Yes, anything can happen during a pregnancy (as I know all too well), but we knew with a third trimester match our chances of another loss were drastically lower. And a few years ago that was a critical decision making factor for us. In fact, it was one of the most important factors for us. At the time, I needed to walk away from the negative mental health side of experiencing another possible loss.
I realize that today things may be different. I may be more prepared to handle another loss – we have Baby MPB to snuggle and love and focus on if we were to experience a loss and if we choose to use a gestational carrier and remove my body from the equation entirely I may just be able to handle it better.
But I have to be realistic in realizing that I might also not be better equipped to handle another loss – it could sort of be like ripping off an old scab and exposing a wound. Loss is loss and it just sucks, I’m not sure that anything can possibly make that easier. Honestly, I just don’t know about this part of our decision making yet. I suspect we probably have some serious soul searching to do to see if we are actually in a place where we can go handle a possible loss.
I don’t want to live my life in fear of possibilities, but I also don’t want to knowingly walk back into what was a very hard time for me after working so hard to reclaim my life.
But I do know that if we proceed with embryo adoption, there are some steps we can consider (i.e. PGS) to help increase our chances of success.
And in my mind, this also means we have to set very clear expectations to help enable us to handle all the possible outcomes.
On another note, why does growing ones family have to be so darn difficult? Why does just thinking about trying to bring another child into our family have to make my head hurt?
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to My Perfect Breakdown to follow my journey.