Easter

They say parents will do anything for their children.  I firmly believed that was true before I had a child.  Now, I know it is true.

It has been almost 19 years since I celebrated Easter.

19 years ago my family went on a ski weekend and enjoyed a massive Easter brunch at a beautiful historic hotel.  My mom enjoyed it so much she confirmed with the desk when bookings started for the next year.  I enjoyed it so much I still remember the chocolate fountain and Easter themed deserts (I’m sure there must have been real food too).  I do not remember too many details about the weekend, but I distinctly remember being unbelievably moody the entire weekend, but I don’t recall why.  I suspect I was just being a 14 year old who thought it would be more fun to spend her weekend at home with friends then stuck in a hotel room with her family.

I had no idea at the time just how thankful I would become for that weekend with my family even though I had a bad attitude about it.  A mere few days later, we were back home and my family (without me) was driving somewhere.  The drive ended with a car collision that resulted in the deaths of my mom and sister.

And so, 19 years ago I stopped enjoying Easter.  Easter became a time associated with the greatest loss I had endured.  It became a time where I remembered and long for what was.  Easter was no longer a celebration.  In the years after, if my Dad and step-mom did something with my younger siblings I either don’t remember it or wasn’t included.

But, this year, for the first time ever, I’ve realized Easter can no longer be about me and my hurt.

Easter, just like every other holiday, is about Baby MPB now.  One of my main goals in life is to give Baby MPB the opportunity to smile, love and laugh.  I also want him to know about his grandmother and his aunt, but I want him to know about who they were and how important they were, not just how their death impacted my life.  And so, while I will always remember my mom and sister at this time of year, the focus will now shift.  The Easter bunny will come for a visit, a family meal will be enjoyed and fun will be had.

Wishing everyone an Easter filled with love and laughter!

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14 Comments on “Easter

  1. Happy First Easter Baby MPB! You guys are wonderful parents – I know this isn’t going to be easy for you and your strength is inspiring to so many of us. Enjoy!

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  2. Ack, you are making me cry again. I’m so happy that this Easter will be a time of new beginnings for you and your precious family. Sending love your way, as always. 👶🏼🐰🐣🌷

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  3. Thats how it always is. Old makes way for the new. Painful memories are remembered with a silent tear while making new joys. Happy Easter n

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  4. It’s understandable that you felt that way. I hope you find ways to make baby MPB’s Easter fun and memorable!

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  5. Shew. So simultaneously painful and joyful. A lovely thing to do is to have some photos of his grandma and aunt laminated and then tied together into a book… You can talk about them and help him to know the people who he didn’t get to meet.

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  6. What a heart-wrenching experience and journey for you. I am so sorry.
    I know that for many women who have gone through varying experiences and dream of healing, that living again vicariously through their child and absorbing newfound joy from their joy, can provide some of that healing and give a new lease on life. I’m so happy that this is your time, and that you can celebrate this holiday again with your own child. How brave. Big hugs to you!

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  7. Same to you. What an incredibly tough time for your heart. So amazing you are transforming this difficult time for the joy of your baby. Superstar parents right there 🙂

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  8. It’s so lovely that having Baby MPB is helping you reclaim this holiday and find some joy in it! I hope you will enjoy some chocolate on his behalf this year – that’s what he’d say he wants, if he could talk, surely! 😉 I plan on getting into Evelyn’s stash – no shame.

    I know these anniversaries are difficult and emotional and I’m sure in the coming days you’ll reflect some and share lots of stories about them with Baby MPB as you give him his bottles and snuggles. I’m sure your mom and your sister are so happy for and proud of you.

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  9. I may have gotten a little misty on this one. He doesn’t cure the grief but he gives you a reason to face the big hurts, doesn’t he? How wonderful.

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  10. I know you’re mentioned the death of your mother and sister before… and every time I read those posts, this one included, I’m sad for you. I simply can’t imagine losing my mom and sister. You are so very strong.

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