They say parents will do anything for their children. I firmly believed that was true before I had a child. Now, I know it is true.
It has been almost 19 years since I celebrated Easter.
19 years ago my family went on a ski weekend and enjoyed a massive Easter brunch at a beautiful historic hotel. My mom enjoyed it so much she confirmed with the desk when bookings started for the next year. I enjoyed it so much I still remember the chocolate fountain and Easter themed deserts (I’m sure there must have been real food too). I do not remember too many details about the weekend, but I distinctly remember being unbelievably moody the entire weekend, but I don’t recall why. I suspect I was just being a 14 year old who thought it would be more fun to spend her weekend at home with friends then stuck in a hotel room with her family.
I had no idea at the time just how thankful I would become for that weekend with my family even though I had a bad attitude about it. A mere few days later, we were back home and my family (without me) was driving somewhere. The drive ended with a car collision that resulted in the deaths of my mom and sister.
And so, 19 years ago I stopped enjoying Easter. Easter became a time associated with the greatest loss I had endured. It became a time where I remembered and long for what was. Easter was no longer a celebration. In the years after, if my Dad and step-mom did something with my younger siblings I either don’t remember it or wasn’t included.
But, this year, for the first time ever, I’ve realized Easter can no longer be about me and my hurt.
Easter, just like every other holiday, is about Baby MPB now. One of my main goals in life is to give Baby MPB the opportunity to smile, love and laugh. I also want him to know about his grandmother and his aunt, but I want him to know about who they were and how important they were, not just how their death impacted my life. And so, while I will always remember my mom and sister at this time of year, the focus will now shift. The Easter bunny will come for a visit, a family meal will be enjoyed and fun will be had.
Wishing everyone an Easter filled with love and laughter!
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.