A New Me
While attempting to parent and work at the same time I’ve realized I am no longer the same person I once was. For starters, as I realized earlier this week, I’m much more forgetful then I’ve ever been before.
Yes, my name is the same. My appearance is mostly the same (I am probably slightly pudgier due to a complete lack of exercise in my life right now). And, my personality is basically the same, if you set aside the sleep deprived grouchiness that takes hold some days.
But, yet, I know that I’ve changed. I am no longer the old me. I am now a mom to an amazing little boy. And already I know, without a doubt, I will never be the same person I once was.
Yes, my road to becoming a mom already has made deep and life long impacts on me as everything about losing our little babies completely changed my life. But, becoming a mommy to a living child has forever changed me in more new and different profound ways.
I am no longer the only one that matters. Mr. MPB, our dog and I are no longer my priority. Baby MPB is now my life long priority. No, that doesn’t mean I will forget to take care of myself or to love my husband and our dog. But it does mean that right now, especially while Baby MPB is so young and vulnerable, his needs are the top priority in the MPB household. I experience worry in a way that I have never known before. I worry constantly. I worry about simple things like worrying about if he’s eating enough, smiling enough or getting enough tummy time. I worry about big things like is he still breathing because SIDS scares me in a way I cannot even begin to articulate. His physical and mental health matter more then anything else in the world. Just the thought of something bad happening to him can literally bring me to tears.
The complete and utter love and devotion I have this little guy is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Everyday single day I am thankful to be his mom. Truthfully, I don’t even have words to describe it.
So, yes I am no longer the old me. But you know what, I am a new me and that’s pretty amazing. And, I wouldn’t trade any of it (including the constant worry and the sleep deprivation) for anything in the world.
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