Gift

  Posted on January 12, 2016 By

 44 Comments

So, it’s been suggested to us that if we meet with the birth mom before baby arrives, that we bring a gift. And when baby is born that we also bring a gift so that when she leaves the hospital she does not leave empty handed. Let me be clear, we know that no gift will ever compare to the gift she is giving us, nor will a gift ever replace the child she will be entrusting us with. But, we do want to give her something that she can cherish for the rest of her life.

We’ve been told that all gifts should be something small and inexpensive, as we aren’t allowed to directly give her money and an expensive gift could be construed as giving her money. So, no cars, no houses, no Tiffany diamond bracelets, etc..

It’s been suggested to give her something Canadian since we are Canadian and our little baby will also be a dual citizen of the USA and Canada.

So, simple questions, what the heck do you give a birth mom for both of these occasions?!

Our thoughts so far are:

Meeting Gift:

  • A simple necklace. Maybe with a Canadian maple leaf pendant or some sort of figurine in her favourite colours.

Hospital Gift:

  • A teddy bear that we will give to her and to the baby. Something they will both forever share and something either one of them can hug whenever they need to or want to feel a little bit closer to the other one. The Rocky Mountains are known for their black bears and grizzly bears so we could get a very cute version of one of them.

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 Category: Adoption      Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

44 Comments on “Gift”

  1. I like the bear idea – so, so lovely! What about a necklace with the baby’s birthstone on it (once you know what that will be) and/or his first initial?

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  3. Great ideas! A charm bracelet could be nice. You could start with a maple leaf charm and add to it over the years (assuming it’s an open adoption).

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  5. Your thoughts are wonderful!. She already gave you the best gift :). May be you can give her a teddy wearing any accessories the baby used. A small birth cap, a dress, a pacifier or something like that..I read this in one of the surrogacy blog! ❤

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  7. In love the charm bracelet idea above – terrific! I also love the maple leaf necklace idea, a lot!

    I’m not a fan of the bear. It seems sort of like a replacement for the baby, which I know it’s not, but it may feel weird. I may be wrong, but I would not like that and it could be a trigger later. Honestly, if you like the bear idea, you should do that right after you leave the hospital and have someone make a bear out of an outfit the baby wore in the hospital that she saw, our a blanket he used there. Women on etsy make them. I did that with a sleeper both boys wore and I cherish it.

    I’m thinking on the hospital gift. 😁

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    • Ok… I have an idea. When we were expecting Matthew, I had a 4′ x 6′ blanket MADE out of “minky” material to use in the rocker in the nursery. Bryson and I still snuggle in it daily. You could have a very nice, adult one made for her for her hospital stay that she could use while snuggling him. Then, she can curl up with him forever. ❤

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  8. I know someone who gave her baby up for adoption and the adoptive parents gave her the most amazing gift at the hosptial, according to her. It is an open adoption and she had a little girl. The birth mother got three idential necklaces that had “together forever” engraved; one for the birth mom, one for the adoptive mom and one for the little girl. I love the idea of having something that all parties can have a “replica” of to connect them.

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  9. I love both of these ideas! I hope you let us know what you decide on to give her, and how she reacts to them. I’m sure that she’ll love them 🙂

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  10. My first thought before reading your ideas were a maple leaf necklace, so I think you are spot on there. Also that is a very sweet idea about getting them the same bears, I think that is a beautiful idea. Love both thoughts and I can’t think of ANYTHING better. Nailed it.

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  16. I think Build-A-Bear makes a bear that they can add weight to so it’s the exact weight, and also height, of the baby at birth. That would mean getting right after birth, but I wonder if that wouldn’t mean a lot to her.

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  19. For the first Mother’s Day we got our son’s birth mother a necklace that said ‘forever in my heart’ with my son’s name and birthstone on it. I found it on etsy, and she absolutely loves it. She wears it every time we get together.

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  20. A gift is a wonderful idea and I love the idea of something representing both countries! For our egg donor, we gave her (anonymously through our RE) a gift bag full of homemade preserves and pickles that we made along with a handwritten letter from both of us thanking her profusely for her “gift” to us. Our doctor said she was really touched to get it as she’d donated her eggs in the past and had never received anything beyond a thank you card. It’s a beautiful thing what both of you are doing and I really like ryannmadonna’s necklace idea as well – we had fellow blogger Minnesota From Scratch hand-stamp a necklace for me for our upcoming adoption – her work is at https://www.zibbet.com/minnesota-from-scratch.

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  22. When my cousin gave birth to her surrogate babies, the intended parents gave her a simple necklace with three rings in it – one for her and one for each baby. It was a beautiful sentiment and she treasures it. They also gave her a bracelet from them – but the necklace is special just between her and the babies.

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  23. I love both ideas. I was thinking with the bear you could add the baby’s heartbeat to the bear maybe? Other ideas that I came up with would be maybe a locket that you could put a picture of the baby in for her to wear, and then maybe send a new picture each year. You could give the baby one of those books that you can record the voice in and see if the birth mom would be willing to read/record the story. Or what about a gift basket full of things to help her with recovery after delivery? The significance of the Rocky Mountains is different depending on which state you are talking about. Maybe as something simple you could do one of those clay things with the birth mothers hand and the baby’s hand. I can email you a picture of what I mean if you want.

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  29. Those are great ideas. I also thought of a charm bracelet with the maple leaf and then thought perhaps in addition to the teddy you could give her a charm at the hospital of the baby’s initial so it is like she carries him with her always.

    You could also buy a canvas and whilst at the hospital do the baby’s hand and foot prints onto it so she can hang it at home.

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  30. These are great ideas! Fun, light hearted, but also meaningful. I don’t have any extra ideas, but how fun! I think you’ll come up with great ideas and I’m sure she will LOVE it!

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  31. I love your ideas. In one small gift it is so hard to convey how very much her gift means to you. When baby is born it would be nice to take a couple of hand print kits and you to hospital. You could do the kits together. A set for each of you to keep.

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  32. I like your ideas! We went through the gift thing with the surrogacy as well, and I know it is hard. We did something similar to your teddy bear idea… We bought a children’s book for her called “The Very Kind Koala” about a koala who carries a baby koala for another couple, and with it we bought both our carrier and our baby a koala stuffed animal so they would each have that connection. As I’ve often been told, she will just appreciate that you’ve thought of her. 😊

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  34. I love the idea of a keepsake that both the birth mom and your son will share. I think whatever you decide to do will be wonderful and I’m sure the birth mom will appreciate it. You’re such a thoughtful person 🙂

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