This morning I woke up early, alone in a hotel.  (I’m away for one night with work again).

I turned on my phone and saw an email from someone I know, yet have never met. She’s an amazing blogging friend. And her friendship is nothing short of amazing.

Her email was so full of kindness and excitement.

Her excitement about the news of our match was nothing short of contagious.

We’ve told a few other people (a very few other people), and they’ve also been really excited. But for some reason this morning, her words hit me like a tonne of bricks.

As I jumped in the shower to get my day started, I found myself crying. We’ve known about our little one for a few days now, and yet I think today is the first time I really realized what is transpiring. I think I’ve been focusing on the uncertainty and lack of guarantees. But today, I couldn’t help but lean into the excitement and the hope.

I found myself crying because this might just happen. Crying because we have a healthy child who is still growing strong and waiting for us.

Crying because we have a son.

An actual little baby boy.

The child that I have been dreaming about for years, feels like a reality today.

For the first time, I really think we may have a family. We may have a child.

I simply stood there, water flowing over me, with tears running down my cheeks.  I realized I already love this little boy more than I ever knew possible.

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64 Comments on “Tears

  1. That’s so exciting! I’m glad you’re leaning into hope. And what a beautiful friend you have to help you open up to that hope a little more. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This brought tears to my eyes. I am so, so happy for you. You and Mr MPB are going to give that baby boy (a boy!!) so much love!!! Boys are just WONDERFUL by the way, I’m super enthusiastic about them and would have had several more if I could have 😉 X

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I read, a BOY, and I cried! A BOY!!!!!!!! Knowing that it’s a boy, and not just “a baby,” makes it very real!! I’m just so excited for you!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is just amazing….finally tears of JOY….we’ve all shed so many tears of sadness that I am thrilled that these are of happiness 🙂 And gotta love Mamajo 🙂 She is an amazing supporter and so happy to call her a blogging friend along with you MPB!!! Your baby boy is so luck to have you and Mr. MPB…just cannot wait to hear you are all together as a family soon!!! xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Tears are swelling in my eyes! A boy!!! Congratulations sweet Momma! I am so happy for you and can’t wait for you to continue celebrating this great journey. Sounds like he will be less than two years younger than our boy if our match goes through. Congratulations again! I love these updates so much!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh my gosh- now I am crying! Although- to be honest the happy tears and chills and overall sense of love for the universe has been constant since I heard of your match. It makes my own recent failures wash off my back because YOU my friend deserve this happiness so much. I love your growing family so much. Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Awe this made my heart melt for you 🙂 I’ve loved following your blog. I absolutely cannot believe the news!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: everything feels different | A family after IF

  9. There is nothing like the moment when you realize you are a mama. And if you’re anything like me it will happen again and again and again. Holding you and all involved in the light ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I haven’t put words to it yet because I have wanted to wait until I had the time to do so properly. I am happy for you beyond words. We have been on such similar, unfortunate journeys. Reading this just now, I felt the urge to cry with you, I felt that indescribable feeling of “it’s happening”, and life is good. I never thought I would be in the position to say that, but I say it for you. Life is in fact good, and it continues on.

    I wish you so much love and happiness


    Liked by 1 person

  11. I understand your desire to protect yourself but I’m glad you are letting yourself feel some hope too. 🙂 I would have been equally excited if baby was a girl but I think it’s just wonderful you’re having a boy!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh my goodness!!! Yay!!! I know the emotions are overwhelming at times but I’m so glad things are moving in the right direction! And how special! A baby boy! You know I have a special place in my heart for the baby boys! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Now I am crying! A boy! So excited for you. I have 3 and let me just say they are amazing. All children are though so maybe I am biased…ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. When I read “we have a son” the tears started flowing for me as well. Just so happy for you. I feel your joy, excitement, relief.

    Liked by 1 person

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