The Other Side

Sometimes I wonder, what will it be like to be on the other side?

I’m on the other side of recurrent pregnancy loss now, in that we aren’t having miscarriages.

But, I’m still in a sort of limbo-land, in that we know eventually we will have a child through adoption, yet we still don’t.  And the timeline is outside of our control.

So, as much as I worry about my actual parenting skills, I also wonder, what will it be like to be on the other side?  To really be on the other side.  What will it be like to be an actual parent?

Will I be a good mom?  I’ve never really liked most children all that much.

How will we manage working from home and raising a child – will we find the right balance without killing each other or neglecting something important?

Will adoption make the rest of our lives messy?  Will it make life harder?

Will I be tolerant enough and yet strict enough at the same time?

What will it be like to walk our child to their first day of school?

Will our child be healthy?

Will our child be respectful and compassionate?

How will our child interact with other children?

Will our child be healthy?

What color of eyes and hair will our child have?

What will their favourite sport be?  (Please want to play soccer, I so desperately want to be a real life soccer mom).

Will their smile light up a room?  And their laughter be contagious?

The world is full of possibilities.  And as much as I want a road map to our future or a crystal ball showing me the way, I am so very excited to uncover the answer to each and every one of the questions.

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32 Comments on “The Other Side

  1. I get this. I wonder these same things, if and when we finally have kids. I think it’s natural, no matter how the child comes to you. To me, that you wonder and even stress about being a good parent, says you will be an excellent parent because it’s already important to you. The waiting is the hardest part, the waiting without any indication I’d duration. Hang in there! It will be worth it. 🙂

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  2. Ha! I’m a bit of a clutterbug, but it’s amazing how messy my life is. It’s a constant battle to have some sense of order in the house with a teen and a puppy. Dog toys are everywhere, teen stuff routinely explodes everywhere. Some days it drives me nuts and so I try to just walk through the house a few times a week and try to create some order in 10-15 minute intervals. Yes, your life will be a little messy, but it’s ok. It will be full and it will be great and it may even bring you as much pleasure as it brings you crazy. Parenting is an interesting conundrum of ups and downs; you have to learn how to jump waves. And you will. And you’ll be fine, better than fine, you’ll be great.

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  3. You will be a great mom, that’s the bottom line. Infertility or RPL really make you appreciate your child or children more — I know this is true because I am a living example of it. So many of my friends complain about their child’s temper tantrums or being exhausted or blah, blah, blah. And it’s not like those things aren’t frustrating sometimes, but I appreciate ALL of it, even the kicking and screaming on the floor of Target. I am often able to smile through even the toughest parenting times because I know how precious every moment is. That is something I will never forget or take for granted. And knowing you, you will be the exact same way. You’ll just figure it all out as you go along, and you will love it. It’s going to be absolutely amazing!

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    • I love your encouragement and your understanding! Seriously you are just amazing! 🙂
      I so hope you are right about all of this, because it really does sound like the least we should get out of all of our suffering.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. These are the questions. The scary ones. Sometimes I just look at Gia and think of all the things I’ve already done wrong, or wonder what the consequences of certain decisions will be. You have to do SOMETHING though. Lately I’ve heard a lot from the first-time parents I’ve been spending time with to trust your instincts rather than do everything you learn in books. That’s helping me – I’m a simpler world, a long time ago, you just fed and loved the baby, no need for special parenting techniques and lifestyles. You are so cognizant and educated and loving, you will be an amazing parent!

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  5. I can’t answer all of your questions; but I know for a fact that you are going to be a fabulous Mom! You’ve waited so long for this dream to come true. There’s going to be really hard days and really great days and I think you will handle it all with grace. I think your child will be respectful and compassionate because they will have you and Mr. MPB for their role models.

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  6. Oh my gosh SO with theskyandback. It will be messy and hard and tiring but it will all be beautiful because you get to do it. You have such a strong and lovely character plus the love you and Mr. MPB have for each other – your child will be amazing in so many ways. This post made me so excited for you. I hope you keep writing as a new Mom because I want to hear all about it.

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  7. Sitting in limbo is such an uncomfortable place. It makes you look at all the possibilities that are in front of us. As our home study gets closer the more nervous we get because we are that much more ahead of things and bringing our baby(ies) home. But it also brings up all your fears, and anxieties. I feel you concern; we were just talking about these things last week. Adoption emotions are similar but so much different than having a bio- child. I know we will do great & you’ll be that awesome soccer mom you want to be!

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  8. I feel for you. I have so many questions constantly running through my mind (as we speak I am in the waiting room for yet another H/S). I wish I could see what the future holds, but like you I try to be excited for it and think that it will all somehow work itself out. ❤️🙏🏽

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    • You made me realize that I think all of us stuck in the place of waiting have so many questions and thoughts running through our minds. I guess, as you say, we just have to live in the moment and try to be excited for our unknown futures. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. One of the truths I’ve learned as a parent is that there is nothing that can truly prepare you for the change you’re about to go through, and nothing that can stop the worry and the questions as you approach the threshold. Never before has “one day at a time” rung so true for me as when preparing to and becoming a parent.

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  10. I think the questions you’re asking yourself are part of the process of getting through to the other side. No matter how you become a parent, it’s normal to ask yourself these questions — I’m asking myself a lot of them right now too! The only one that’s a little less uncertain for us is hair (brown) and eye color (probably blue, maybe with a little greeny-gray thrown in), but of course it’s the least interesting in many ways of all the questions you asked above (although I think it’s natural to be curious!). 🙂

    You are going to be amazing parents — we can all see it, even if you can’t some days! I also think it’s a sign of a caring and conscientious parent that you’re so intently asking yourself these questions in preparation for the arrival of your child. And I believe theskyandback is right on when she says that you’ll appreciate it more after all you’ve been through. Your baby will be worth the wait, indeed.

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    • You my friend, are simply amazing. Honestly, I don’t know how you do it, but you always say exactly what I need to hear. You take my worries and make them relatable and normal, and always make me feel better. Thank you so much.
      P.S. you are also going to be amazing! 🙂

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  11. Pingback: Contemplating Christmas without the crocodile | American Soustannie

  12. I think most, if not all, soon-to-be parents have these same thoughts/fears/wonders. Our minds naturally wonder what will be, and how the future will look. I think everyone here is confident that you will both be excellent parents and raise wonderful kids…you just have to believe in yourself. ❤

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  13. Although there are so many unanswered questions, even when this baby arrives in your arms, I think that we can be sure that you and Mr. MPB will be able to handle it. You two are such strong individuals, and make an even stronger team.

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