How Do I Cope?
I was recently asked the question, how do you cope with 1 miscarriage, let alone 4?
This question has been ringing in my mind constantly over the last few days. I think there are 3 key elements to a healthier emotional recovery.
- My amazing husband. I would not be able to get through this on my own, he’s been awesome.
- My amazing psychologist. I’d be lost without her. You can see my earlier posts on this subject.
- Keeping myself distracted and busy to not let myself just focus on the pain and sadness of the losses. The sadness will never go away, but focusing on it 24/7 isn’t healthy either.
So, how do I keep myself busy? What do I do with myself?
My go to way to keep myself busy has been work. With miscarriage 1, 2, and 3 I threw myself into my work. I work in a very high stress industry, and I work a lot. After 3 miscarriages, and a lot of procrastination (nearly a year), we are taking a very different approach to our coping strategies with miscarriage 4. I am now on a medical leave of absence from work and am not working at all! So, no work to distract myself. This of course means, I have more time to fill.
So, what do I do now that I am a stay at home non-mom to keep myself busy?
Walking my dog. This is both a healthy and fun activity. We usually go for 45-60 minutes a day.
Painting. I am currently painting most of my house – the main floor and upstairs. I have plans to do the basement, assuming I don’t get bored first. This is a short term-activity. But, I’m having fun doing it. The rooms that are done, look awesome! Of course the rooms that are prepped, but not done, look horrible and our house is a disaster zone right now. But it’s a work in progress, and in another week, hopefully it will all look great.
Cooking. I do not enjoy cooking, but when I try, I can make a pretty decent meal. So, I’m putting effort into making fresh, healthy meals. This includes shopping and preparing the meals. So, it can take a bit of time to do it right. As an added bonus, this helps free up more of my husband’s time, as he used to do most of the cooking.
Lunch/Coffee with Friends. This one doesn’t happen as much during the week, as everyone I know is working. But, even with a reduced budget, I’m still making an effort to see friends and get out of the house. That said, I am being very selective about which “friends” I will spend my time with – only those that are supportive make the cut (you may be surprised that we have lost some of our best friends once we told them about our situation).
Medical Appointments. I have less of them now that we are done with miscarriage 4, but I still have a few and they all seem to be on the other side of the city. So, I make sure to get to them on time.
Yard Work. Spring is here – well sort of here. With spring arriving, soon I will be enjoying mowing the lawn and planting the gardens.
Biking. I love biking. And as an added bonus, now that spring is trying to arrive, I can move from the indoor trainer to outside! I’m very excited about being outside!
Travel. We love to travel. We’ve done a few big trips (i.e. Peru and Hawaii) in the last year to distract us. However, we have no big trips planned right now. But, we do have weekend camping trips and day trips planned throughout the spring and summer. This will keep us busy and ensure we are enjoying the beautiful mountains and fresh air.
Writing. I love to write. I always have. I’m not necessarily great at it, but I do enjoy it. One of the things on my bucket list, is to write a book (I just need to find a topic that I’m interested in). But, I spend a bit of time almost every day in from of my computer typing away. It’s fun and seems to be a very good release for me.
Organizing. I love organization (although, not my office for some reason). I’m slowly working through the house and organizing things. This includes things like going through boxes in the storage room, to cleaning up closets.
Photo Albums. I enjoy making photo albums. I used to be part of the scrapbooking craze, but I’ve moved into electronic software for my photo albums now. I love making them. They are the only way we actually look at the thousands of photos we take. And, I figure in 10, 20 or 30 years, we will really enjoy having them.
Golfing. We cannot be out golfing just yet in our part of the world, but as soon as the courses open, I’ll be out there. I am really bad at golfing, like really bad, but anyone who golfs with me is assured a good time!
Reading. I always appreciate a good book. When I’m working, I don’t read anything outside of work. But, when I’m on vacation or my current medical leave, I am constantly reading. Once I get into a good book, I’m known to stay up into the wee hours of the night with my eyes glued to the book.
Household Chores. I don’t love these, but at least I finally have time to get them done without feeling frantic about it. This means laundry can get done before either one of us is running around looking for just one more clean pair of socks. And our house is just generally tidier.