I woke up early this morning, well actually truth be told, I barely slept last night. I had about a thousand thoughts running through my mind, and by the time 6am rolled around, I decided my best course of action was to start a blog to share our experience.
I used to be a good sleeper, but in the last few years a mix of personal stressors, professional stressors and my husband’s snoring, have conspired to changed that. But, last night was different. I didn’t just think about the normal thoughts of “why us?” or “why now?” or “how many more times do we have to endure this?” or even the dreaded “what if?” questions. These are all questions I think about, but last night, I kept thinking about how pathetic it is that the only person outside of my marriage that I can talk to about this, is a paid professional psychologist. If only 1% of the population experiences repeat pregnancy loss (which is defined as 3 consecutive miscarriages), how am I supposed to find someone who actually understands? Someone to share stories with, someone to call when I need to talk, someone who know what to say and more importantly what not to say (i.e. well you can always try again, or how far along were you (as if the time matters). Not that I wish someone else to be enduring our heartache (I wouldn’t wish this experience upon anyone), but since I know there are other people out there going through this, I guess it would just be nice to actually know someone.
So, here I am now. If I have all these thoughts, then maybe someone else does too. So, maybe, they will stumble upon this blog and find comfort in knowing that they truly are not alone.
Over the next few weeks/months, I plan to share my story about our repeat pregnancy loses / miscarriages. I think I’ll post about:
- How each miscarriage experience has been completely different.
- How our support networks (including friends, family and the medical system) have helped and hurt us.
- How we are getting through this together as a couple.
- Why we keep trying for a healthy baby.
- How we look at the future, which may be nothing like either of us ever dreamed.
I am not a medical professional, nor is my husband, so please understand that this is just my experience and my thoughts. For factual medical advice, please speak to your doctor and/or psychologist – they are the experts.