Much to my surprise, I was nominated for a Liebster Award today by fellow blogger Preggo My Eggo. I was having a pretty bad day due to a bad case of the grumpies, so I thought it might be fun to participate and it might help lift my spirits.
So, here’s what I know about the Liebster Award:
The Liebster Award is not quite the Pulitzer Prize, but I still think it’s pretty cool. The Liebster Award is awarded from a fellow blogger who likes your blog (which is why I think it’s pretty cool). The reason for the award is to generate attention for new and upcoming bloggers with less than 200 followers. The rules are pretty simple:
- Link back to the blogger who gave you the award.
- Answer the question designated by the blogger who nominated you.
- List 11 random facts about yourself.
- Nominate 3-5 other bloggers with less than 200 followers.
- Make up a set of questions for the nominated bloggers to answer.
……………..
I definitely recommend checking out Preggo My Eggo. Her blog is pretty awesome!
My Questions and Answers:
- If you could live anywhere where would it be? Right Here with my husband and dog. We live in a great city, in a great country (Canada) and we are happy right where we are.
- Your last google search? Statistics on 5 consecutive miscarriages
- Your biggest pet peeve? Being Told to Relax. I think I heard it for the first time when I was 2 or 3 years old, and I still get to hear it all the time.
- Dream vacation? A few weeks in the Mediterranean with my husband. I’ve spent time in Southeast Asia and South America, Scandinavia, and New Zealand but we are still waiting to see the Mediterranean and much of Europe.
- Most recent book read? I am currently reading The Gifts of Imperfection By Brené Brown.
- Red or white wine? Definitely Red.
- How much time do you spend on your blog per day? Probably about 30 minutes (writing time not included). Some days more, some days less.
- Best meal you know how to cook? Lasagna (not from Costco, but from scratch)
- Who would you love to meet? Brené Brown.
- Best piece of advice you have ever received? Be kind to yourself (I’m working really hard to learn this and actually practice it)
- One thing you would change about the world? Hunger. In this day in age, we, as in all of society, have no excuse for letting people go hungry anywhere in the world.
11 Random Facts about Me:
- I love making breakfasts on the weekends.
- I am usually planning our next trip before my husband even realizes it.
- Mojitos should be included with every meal in the summer. Red Wine in the winter.
- I like camping and hiking in the mountains, preferably in the sunshine and with my husband and our dog.
- I love my Samsung more than my old iPhone.
- I have a love affair with books.
- My dog is my child.
- I have a pretty good eye with a camera.
- I don’t know how to say “no” and mean it, often at the expense of my health and sanity.
- I can catch fish on a fly, but I will not take the fish off the hook – they are just too squirmy and slimy.
- I give up socks and live in sandals the second the snow melts.
I nominate a few of the blogs that I have really been enjoying lately:
Life, Love and My Version of Motherhood
Questions for my nominees to answer:
- What Country are you from?
- What is the most prized possession you own?
- Why did you start blogging?
- What is your favourite food?
- Biggest inspiration?
- Most recent place you traveled to for enjoyment?
- Favorite song at the moment?
- Biggest accomplishment?
- Biggest fear?
- Something that makes you smile?
- Cats or Dogs or neither?
When my mom and sister died, my life was forever changed, but my life plan was not substantially changed. I still had a sense of certainty as I knew that their deaths were final and that I had no ability to change the events of that day. Real life isn’t Buffy the Vampire Slayer where you can bring people back to life through magic (it’s a little bit more like Harry Potter, where you can look into the Mirror of Erised (aka my memory) and see them again.) This event changed my life in countless ways, but it did present me with a choice on how to live the rest of my life.
At 14, without really knowing it I had a vague life plan – going to high school, going to university, meeting the dream guy and then having a family. The life plan was based on expectations from my parents and very little actual thought on my behalf. It was just what I was going to do. I didn’t even really think about alternatives. So, when my mom and sister died, my life plan didn’t really change because I chose to continue with the plan. While they were no longer alive to be part of the execution of the plan, I could still live the plan. I could have easily tried to hide from the pain of my new reality through drugs and alcohol. But, instead, I distinctly remember making the conscious choice to live my life in a way that would make my mom and sister proud of me. This seemed like a no-brainer to me, and really wasn’t a hard decision. So, I chose to keep reaching for the stars, through continuing to achieve top academic results. I chose to continue to be a good person and to live my life based on the positive values I had been brought up with.
But, my most recent struggle with recurrent pregnancy loss, is entirely different. Although, each miscarriage result is the death of a baby we never knew, the choices before me are much different. Specifically, that we still have a choice about what’s next. We can choose to try to create a healthy child again, we can choose to adopt or we can choose to have no children. We have choices before us, each with daunting statistics and possible outcomes. But, unlike the certainty that I felt after the death of my mom and sister, the death of our babies through miscarriage has resulted in my world being consumed by uncertainty. I am not good with uncertainty. Evidently, I liked the plan and I liked knowing what’s going to happen next.
So, now, how do I live in a perplexing state of uncertainty? This has been one of the hardest things for me to do. How do I move from living the certain life plan, to living a life of uncertainty? How do I make this transition? How do I find a way to live in the moment, and not in the planned future? How do I accept this new route and come to peace with the fact that my future may be very different from what I always envisioned?
I’m told I need to practice mindfulness. I’m told I need to learn to live in the moment. I’m told I need to learn to not think about the future. I am told I need to live for today.
I am trying. But I am also struggling.
My Perfect Breakdown 
