I typically do not say much on my blog about Baby MPB’s birth mother.
Our real life friends and family still like to ask about Baby MPB’s “mom” and I still have to correct them with “birth-mom.” (I feel as though I’m becoming a bit of broken record). However, outside of direct questions (to which I respond, she’s fine and leave it at that), I really don’t typically say much about her in my real-life either. As mentioned before, Mr. MPB firmly believe this is Baby MPB’s story to share one day, when and if he wants to.
But, today I am going to talk about her, of course without details.
She’s disappeared. It’s been over a month since we’ve heard from her. We’ve sent emails with adorable photos and she hasn’t responded. Which is pretty uncharacteristic of her.
For better or worse, I worry about her. She has a special spot in my heart and I know I will always worry about her. I worry about her in the same way I worry about my other family and friends, but yet I probably worry about her more in some ways. This is just a fact of life for me.
And she’s pregnant, which makes me worry even more. Is she okay? Is baby okay? Oh gosh, I really hope baby is okay, because of course my broken body and losses makes me worry about pregnancy in a way that isn’t particularly normal (and possibly not considered healthy, but that’s a conversation for another day).
I have no ability to force her to talk to us. And I’m okay with that – I understand that she likely has many emotions regarding Baby MPB’s adoption and her current pregnancy. While I cannot relate to her experiences, I respect the emotions she is likely dealing with.
But, I also worry that it’s more then that. As long as she has access to internet she always responds. So right now, I worry that she’s hurt, physically. I worry that something has gone horribly wrong and she’s not living in a safe situation. I worry about circumstances even worse that I just don’t want to articulate.
I have no ability to change the silence. And so I am left just hoping that things are okay, that she’s doing fine and that she’s just busy with her life.
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I am not an American citizen – I am Canadian.
My son is an American citizen – who will eventually hold dual American/Canadian citizenship.
I firmly believe this puts in me in an interesting position as a Canadian – as I am unable to vote in the USA, yet my child will be directly impacted by the outcome of this USA election and future elections.
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And so as I write this, at 2:00am on November 9, 2016 (thanks DST), my heart is heavy.
My son is adopted. Trump’s campaign has specifically spoke against adoption.
My son is (likely) bi-racial. Trump has negatively targeted my son’s likely ethnicity multiple times during the election campaign.
My son may one day be part of the LGBTQ community. Trump is clearly not in support of this community.
My son and his future partner may one day choose abortion for reasons that are no one’s business (just like his father and I did). Again, Trump is clearly not in support of this.
And worst of all, clearly Trump has a large number of American citizens who support him and these views.
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I cannot lie, I am truly scared for my son today. I am also scared for friends in the USA who fall into one of the communities that Trump and his supporters deem unacceptable. I cannot even begin to fathom my emotions today if baby MPB were a girl. Honestly, I am scared in a way that a year ago I never thought possible. (Heck, I didn’t even believe this was possible 24 hours ago).
I am also scared for the citizens of the USA. I am appalled by a trend I fear is global. I believe this election speaks volumes about today’s society, and in my mind there is a lot to be concerned about.
I acknowledge that I am also in a unique position to protect our son from potential social upheaval/negativity. As we do not live in the USA, I optimistically think we are unlikely to experience the same type social upheaval and potential targeted hatred as a result of this election.
As I sit here tonight, I refuse to give up hope that we can and will do better. I refuse to give into fear mongering. I will not live in the shadows of hated. I simply will not live that way and I will not raise my son that way. I have a voice and I will continue to use it to advocate for positivity, love, understanding and acceptance.
But, I will say as of tonight, Mr. MPB and I both agree that we will not be traveling to the USA anytime soon – particularly to the very conservative state that Baby MPB was born in. We may be willing to again in the future, but right now we need to be practical. We will wait, watch and see what happens in the coming months from the safety and security of our Canadian home. I hope we are over reacting, I hope our fears never come to fruition, but right now after all the campaign rhetoric, we just don’t know. For us, it is literally a matter of safety – we will do anything to protect our son, and taking him somewhere that he may be targeted because of the colour of his skin or the fact that he’s adopted just isn’t an option.
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