My Heart is Heavy

I am not an American citizen – I am Canadian.

My son is an American citizen – who will eventually hold dual American/Canadian citizenship.

I firmly believe this puts in me in an interesting position as a Canadian – as I am unable to vote in the USA, yet my child will be directly impacted by the outcome of this USA election and future elections.


And so as I write this, at 2:00am on November 9, 2016 (thanks DST), my heart is heavy.

My son is adopted.  Trump’s campaign has specifically spoke against adoption.

My son is (likely) bi-racial.  Trump has negatively targeted my son’s likely ethnicity multiple times during the election campaign.

My son may one day be part of the LGBTQ community.   Trump is clearly not in support of this community.

My son and his future partner may one day choose abortion for reasons that are no one’s business (just like his father and I did).  Again, Trump is clearly not in support of this.

And worst of all, clearly Trump has a large number of American citizens who support him and these views.


I cannot lie, I am truly scared for my son today.  I am also scared for friends in the USA who fall into one of the communities that Trump and his supporters deem unacceptable. I cannot even begin to fathom my emotions today if baby MPB were a girl.  Honestly, I am scared in a way that a year ago I never thought possible.  (Heck, I didn’t even believe this was possible 24 hours ago).

I am also scared for the citizens of the USA. I am appalled by a trend I fear is global.  I believe this election speaks volumes about today’s society, and in my mind there is a lot to be concerned about.

I acknowledge that I am also in a unique position to protect our son from potential social upheaval/negativity.  As we do not live in the USA, I optimistically think we are unlikely to experience the same type social upheaval and potential targeted hatred as a result of this election.

As I sit here tonight, I refuse to give up hope that we can and will do better.  I refuse to give into fear mongering.  I will not live in the shadows of hated. I simply will not live that way and I will not raise my son that way.  I have a voice and I will continue to use it to advocate for positivity, love, understanding and acceptance.

But, I will say as of tonight, Mr. MPB and I both agree that we will not be traveling to the USA anytime soon – particularly to the very conservative state that Baby MPB was born in.  We may be willing to again in the future, but right now we need to be practical.  We will wait, watch and see what happens in the coming months from the safety and security of our Canadian home.  I hope we are over reacting, I hope our fears never come to fruition, but right now after all the campaign rhetoric, we just don’t know.  For us, it is literally a matter of safety – we will do anything to protect our son, and taking him somewhere that he may be targeted because of the colour of his skin or the fact that he’s adopted just isn’t an option.

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40 Comments on “My Heart is Heavy

  1. To be honest, I kind of expected it or even predicted it when he first decided to contest the election.

    People are tired of being politically correct the whole time, and this whole facade of inclusiveness.

    As an outsider, US has messed many many countries and Karma is a bitch.
    In any case, the president is useless wothout the senate support. Trump has both, senate and house support and lets not forget, he is an astute businessman.
    I personally feel things wont go to the dogs as predicted, whether he does any real damage is to be seen!

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’m one of those who never thought he’d actually get elected.
      But I do agree, to actually follow through on all his commitments and promises is going to be rather hard in reality. But only time will tell.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Agree with this. Not an easy choice for the U.S. as BOTH candidates are highly unpopular. But I really don’t think he will do the things he has talked about, he isn’t able to. (Not to mention he changes his mind so often on all of these things) Even with Republican majority, a lot of Republicans don’t even support this guy (I mean, he was a registered Democrat for almost a decade not too long ago). I don’t think (hopefully) it will be as bad as people think. He is a despicable person, but I don’t think things will go down the toilet.

      Liked by 3 people

      • I agree with you and hope that things don’t go down the toilet. I think one of my biggest struggles is that he is a despicable person, and in my mind the President of the United States of America shouldn’t be despicable. Rather in my idealized mind, the President should be mostly respectable and honourable, and I just don’t see him as either respectable or honourable.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Agreed. Unfortunately, I don’t think either options were respectable or honorable. It started before the primary, we shouldn’t have gotten to this point.

        Liked by 3 people

      • They both had major flaws, just different ones. It was a pick your poison situation. Which is why I couldn’t vote for either. I felt like I had to compromise too many values to vote for either.

        I just hope that the impeachment starts soon!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • They may not support him, but now we have a republican house, senate, and president. There is nothing to stop them from doing exactly what they’ve been wanting to do for the past eight years – cut taxes for the wealthy, defund Planned Parenthood, and get rid of any protections for minorities. It’s going to be a couple of busy years as they undo everything we’ve achieved in the last 8.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Only a smart businessman can file for bankruptcy and still make millions out of it and use the bankruptcy as an excuse to not pay taxes.
        We, common folk think of going bankrupt as the biggest disgrace possible, he made money out of it.

        More than anything, honestly, i feel sorry the ” having an iota of common sense” american. He doesnt deserve this.


  2. I am despondent this morning, and ashamed of my country. Whether or not he is a “good businessman” is beside the point. He is a despicable human being that lacks basic decency. My one solace is that I live in a very, very “blue state”.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I am also despondent and scared and I don’t think that feeling will go away anytime soon. I have never been this ashamed of my country, even during the Bush years.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I never in a million years thought he would win. I said that since the beginning. Foot in mouth. I sincerely hope we don’t backtrack all of the progress that’s been made. Ugh.


    • I said the exact same thing – never in a million years will he get elected. I should have known better! And I too hope the USA doesn’t backtrack and things don’t turn out as bad as we fear they could.


  5. I’m still in shock over today’s result. Everyone I speak to here in Germany also cannot understand who so many people voted for Trump. That over half the eligible US voters could have freely chosen to elect a man who is, beyond reasonable doubt, a racist, a sexist, a narcissist and who has not articulated in any real or meaningful way his plan to “make America great again” is beyond my comprehension.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I can only imagine how Democrats in the USA must be feeling. He’s an absokutely vile human being…. what is even scarier is that he was democratically voted in and so obviously resonates with the majority. What I can’t understand as an outsider is, in a country as big and powerful as the USA, why they had to choose between two (allegedly) bad candidates? Surely there are heaps of great candidates? If it’s any consolation, our president in South Africa is a corrupt liar and thief who is barely literate and has in excess of 700 counts of fraud against him, narrowly escaped a rape charge and has 6 wives and umpteen children…. we in South Africa know all about being ashamed of number 1.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have seen this coming for months and yet am still a bit incredulous. And sickened and sad and disappointed in my fellow American citizens. G-d help us.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I haven’t stopped crying since 9 last night. Every time I look at my daughter, I cry some more. I am so frustrated with those who feel I’m blowing things out of proportion. This man has stated ADAMANTLY that he is against my FAMILY. My family! We are targets! (And that’s just the tip of his platform!) So I’m going to cry today. Probably all damn day. And tomorrow, I will start readying myself to fight like hell for the next four years.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. As an Australian I watched and waited with baited breath on the outcome. I was shocked but also not shocked at the same time. Fear is a powerful motivator and he used that to his advantage. Fear of terrorism, fear of immigrants, fear of job insecurity. He also tapped into the latent racism, bigotry and sexism that exists in all western nations still. Brexit was the same. Even here in Australia, we have had a resurgence of a political party who is openly racist, the leader used the phrase “swamped with muslims” in her opening speech!

    I was sad but after a night of sleep, this morning I woke up determined. Determined that I will make my corner of the world safe for all people. I will smile at people in the street, I will lend a helping hand to those in need and call out racism and bigotry when I see it.

    The biggest hope we have is the future. Look at where the young people voted. It was with Bernie Sanders in the primaries and Hillary in the election.

    By the way…..your Prime Minister…..can we borrow him for a bit? He seems (at least from the outside) very dreamy and progressive. I swoon a little bit when he speaks.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. He is 70 years old. By the time your son is even a teenager,he probably wont be alive, so dont bother yourself in advance. There will always be groups who will be against the categories that you have mentioned.

    Is it possible that your son holds only one nationality?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I don’t know where people are getting the idea that he’s a good business man. He’s bankrupted a number of his businesses AND we just elected a president that is about to go on trial for the rape of a child. We are the laughing stock of the world and I’m sorry, to the commenter about us messing with other countries and karma’s a bitch. I guess we could just keep all our resources and money and let all those countries fend for themselves. That would be interesting and then the world would be bitching that we’re not doing enough.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I’m an American and watching today has been hard. I didn’t vote for him, but I didn’t vote for Clinton either. And I’m not as concerned with him as I am the people who voted on either side of the aisle. Our country is very divided now. That is evident. And we need to extend compassion to those who are grieving and are afraid, to unify the country. I think tempers have calmed down, at least I’m hoping they will and we don’t have riots in the streets.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I’ve been in a funk all day because of it. And like you I worry about the state of our country for my son under someone like Trump. Party lines aside he is not qualified in any way to run our country or represent our people.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I live in the USA and I am devastated. I am so thankful that my children are not old enough to understand what’s going on. How could I ever explain this to them?
    There is lots of talk here about people wanting to leave the country. Unfortunately I think the effects of this decision will be felt on a global level both inside and outside the US. I’m scared to see what lies ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Sigh… I’m in mourning. Folks can excuse away a lot, “Oh he won’t really do those things.” His track record is pretty clear and the best predictor of future behavior is previous behavior. He is really swayed by simple flattery which only will make the new Congress that much more powerful. I worked on the Hill years ago, and sycophant behavior is his thing.

    More concerning for everyday folks is that we Americans have normalized and validated values and beliefs that run counter to what it means to be American. For those of us who are part of marginalized gross, this is a scary thing. When it’s OK for the leader of the free world to behave as though he has no moral compass when it comes to racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia and ableism, among other things, then it is normalized and acceptable behavior for John and Jen. That’s a problem. That is a cancer to our country, my country. So he gets no pass from me and I’m less worried about the legislative implications and more worried about my day to day existing with s bunch of fools.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. My panic began in the primary. I could not believe it seemed so many people wanted this man to win the Republican nomination…ANY nomination for that matter. People kept saying “he’ll never get it, he’ll never get it”…well, not only did he get the nomination, he has been elected president. I have no words, except:

    Pray for Peace.

    This prayer, I keep repeating:
    O God, you have bound us together in a common life.
    Help us, in the midst of our struggles for justice and
    truth, to confront one another without hatred or
    bitterness, and to work together with mutual forbearance
    and respect; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

    Only LOVE can conquer hate and I will fight with as
    much LOVE as I’m capable for myself, my son and
    anyone one else who needs someone to fight with
    them. LOVE.

    Liked by 2 people

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