I’ve been sulking all week.  I’ve barely done any work, and I haven’t been sleeping well at all.  In fact, if I’m honest, it feels pretty pathetic.

Thankfully Mr. MPB has been supportive and has been giving me the time and space I need right now.  He’s picking up my slack around the house and being as supportive as he can be.  And Little MPB, he’s being great too.  He has no idea that I’m upset, but he’s currently into throwing his entire body into our arms for a giant whole body hug.  I truly need these hugs right now, they are a great reminder that if nothing else I’m pretty darn amazing in his eyes.

.

I made a decision almost immediately after digesting the email I received, and I’m determined to stick to it.  My decision was that I had until Friday (i.e. today) to pull myself together again.  There is a reason for the arbitrary date of today – we have good friends staying with us this weekend and I have no desire to be a grouchy host.  Also, I’m confident that they will help put a smile on my face and if nothing else we will enjoy some wine together and great conversation.  It is definitely a great coincidence that they are staying with us this weekend.

As part of my Friday deadline, I also gave myself until today to find a new fitness outlet that I feel is safe.  So I’ve spent the last few days considering my options:

• A different spin studio – there’s another spin studio not far from our house that opened a few months ago (owned by a different company), but I’m just not in a place where I want to go.  Which is sad because I’ve loved spin for years now and asides from our forced exercise restrictions during our recurrent pregnancy loss, I’ve been going to spin classes at various studios for more years then I can remember.  But right now I’m just not ready to expose myself to possible judgement.
• A more traditional gym setting – I’ve never been a fan of weight training and I realize right now I need to find something I enjoy if I’m going to stick with it.  And again, the thought of any organized gym has me turned off at the moment, so I’m just going there.
• Our home gym (treadmill and weights) – I’ve never loved working out in our basement.  Mr. MPB enjoys it much more then I do.  And, I don’t like using my road bike inside on the trainer, I never feel like I get a great workout.  If I’m going to spin at home, I need to get a decent quality stationary bike that allows me to push as hard as I want.  So, for now this isn’t my preference because I know I wont enjoy it and therefore probably wont stick to it.  I’ll save this for rainy days.
• Running outside – I’m not a great runner.  In fact, I’m kind of pathetic, picture a cute old lady shuffling down the street – I’m pretty sure that’s what I look like when I “run”.  But, I think the combination of fresh air, solitude and absolutely no-judgement except for my own, is exactly what I need right now.
• Cycling outside – I’m love cycling, hence my love for spin class.  And, the snow/ice is melting, so in a few short weeks I’m going to set my bike up and start enjoying the outdoors.  And, as an added bonus Mr. MPB is going to hook up Little MPB’s chariot so I can bring him with me (once I get him a helmet).  I’m confident I’ll get an extra workout because I’m pretty sure dragging that thing behind my bike wont be easy!

So, starting today, I’m going to commit to running and/or cycling outside 3-5 times a week.  It’s not a perfect strategy because I do thrive in a group setting.  But, right now I just need to commit to doing something so I don’t lose momentum.  Which means today I’m starting over.

  If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.