Another Thought About Embryo Adoption
This is one is pretty simple for Mr. MPB and I, but it’s also pretty critical.
When we did all our adoption research we decided to pursue an open adoption because the most up-to-date research indicated that it’s best for children to know they are adopted from the beginning and for children to know their biological family. (If you really want sources for this info, let me know and I can try to dig them up).
So, just like with Baby MPB we would want our potential embryo adopted child to also know their biological family. Which means, we want our child (and us) to have a relationship with our friends. (And honestly, since they are already friends, it would seem weird to not have a relationship with them).
I should say that we understand that it may not be possible to have relationships with all of our children(s) biological family members. We know this is always a possibility, but ideally we would want some sort of connection.
Photo Source: Office.com Clip Art
We don’t have a crystal ball for what this relationship would look like through the years (because really, how could we?). But, in our minds, this would be similar to what our open adoption is like. Photos, emails, and texts are sent both ways. And visits will also happen. When it comes to Baby MPB’s open adoption we don’t have a set schedule of communication, we just ebb and flow. For example, so far with Baby MPB photos/emails/texts are sent when we have time – sometimes a few a week, and other times a few a month. And visits will happen when we have the money and time to travel and it works for Baby MPB’s birth mother too.
We know this relationships wouldn’t be the same as Baby MPB’s open adoption relationships, because let’s be honest, no two relationships are identical. But, we would want to know that there would be a possibility of a relationship.
The way we look at it, our family is never going to be conventional – we have a beautiful son through open adoption and we view his biological family as part of our extended family. And, if we do this, we figure our extended family would also grow again.
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I love your view on this. I think it is such a great thing for baby MPB and any future child you may have!
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We had the same conversation about our known sperm donor. It seemed natural to remain friends with him and therefore have our child be friends with him. I think it is great that research is supporting knowing one’s biological roots. It can be difficult for some families to accept another “parent” into the family, even just in the biological sense, and it’s not for everyone. But I think it is beautiful how open you are to sharing your kid’s origins with him. It shows confidence in yourselves as a family unit, too.
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Those of us who create and grow our families in ways that fall outside the most typical ways have the advantage and the burden of being very deliberate about how we do it. I love hearing how you’ve considered and weighed options and what I keep hearing from you is that for everything, you want love for your children and that is beautiful.
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I love your approach. It is so symbolic of the selfless and loving person you are. I really learn a lot from you. Xo
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This is interesting to me. I am a giant supporter of open adoption and wouldn’t want it any other way. BUT, and this is just me, when we talked about donating our embryos, we decided we would not want it to be open. I wouldn’t want to watch someone else raising our biological child, that would be painful for me. And I know that, technically, embryo adoption is no different from “regular” adoption, but as the person with the embryos, it feels different to me. We’re not talking about an unplanned pregnancy, we’re (meaning my husband and me… Not you and Mr. Mpb) talking about much wanted children who were very hard-earned, but our family building is done (for medical reasons). This, ultimately, is why our embryos are staying in the freezer. So tricky.
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Beautiful. I love the idea of one big extended family (or just a super grafted family tree). We have an open communication contract with the couple who adopted our embryos, and I wanted to have that piece — in part because the adoption process opened our eyes to the importance of openness in any third party process, but also because we never got to have those biological children, so to us they are giving us hope that our embryos could be something. It would probably feel way different if I had bio kids from the same cohort/sources at home, I might not want as open of a relationship, but it’s such a chance for us to see what could have been, with someone else. 🙂 I think building your family this way is unconventional, sure, but beautiful, and your dedication to open relationships is inspiring.
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Interesting… I think it is complex, and as ever, I think the priority is to think about the possible effects of a potential bio family relationship on baby MPB. Because that could be quite different for him than for the potential other child. I know you have an open adoption with his birth family, but they live in a different country, whereas I’m assuming your friends live a lot closer. So you would have a different relationship – you have an already existing relationship. I don’t know – it’s tricky. I remember when we were young, one of my siblings had godparents who were family friends and who we saw a lot and who used to give big extravagant presents. And then my other sibling had godparents who we ended up never seeing. It definitely felt different and sort of unfair. And they were just godparents, not birth family! I’m not sure what the mechanics/legalities are of embryo adoption vs open adoption and not saying one is better/worse than the other, but just to consider at each point whether this will be okay for Baby MPB.
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