Being a new parent has offered me a new perspective on the world.

Simple things like:

• Safety in our home – are their cords that baby MPB could reach and accidentally strangle himself on?
• Putting myself and my husband second – Baby MPB gets what he needs before we do, just look at us at dinner time for evidence of this.
• Making sure Baby MPB has the right toys and enough toys for his current developmental stage.
• Dog and baby interactions.  They seem to be happening more now, how do we make sure they continue to be safe together?

But also big things:

• SIDS – Baby MPB will no longer sleep on his back.  He is 100% about sleeping on his stomach.  No matter how many times we roll him onto his back he goes straight to his stomach now.  Our doctors have told it’s okay now that he’s choosing to sleep this way.  But, after months of being told back is best it’s hard to just accept that the risk of SIDS has decreased and to stop worrying.
• Recently a little chils was kidnapped and tragucally killed near our town.  We’ve all heard of these types of horrible stories and most of us are heartbroken when they occur.  But, now that I have a child of my own, I literally feel this in an entirely new way.  I simply cannot imagine the hurt and anguish that the family of that sweet little girl is experience.  I cannot fathom the idea of not knowing where Baby MPB is, or how he is doing.  I simply cannot.  Even though I realize statistically speaking the chances of kidnappings occurring is relatively slim, my mind doesn’t accept this rational thinking.  Instead, I find myself with literal tears in my eyes when I see the news updates.  I find myself holding Baby MPB tighter.  I find myself double and triple checking that our doors are locked at night.  I find myself watching the monitor more frequently.  I even tell the dog to make sure she keeps watch, as if she can understand me.
• My perception of race relations is entirely changed.  I’ve touched on this before, our family may be a transracial adoptive family (it still seems weird to say may) and yet we live in a very Caucasian area with relatively little racial diversity.  But, the news of the tragic loss of lives in the USA is not something that can be ignored.  I am still wrapping my mind around all of this, and am struggling to find the right words.

Everyone always told me once you become a parent your life changes forever. And for me, this happened with my very first pregnancy – I obsessed about what I could eat and what I could, what I could do and what I couldn’t.  And at that time I also learned that no matter how hard I try as a parent I cannot also make a difference.

Yet now, parenting our only living child, I have an entirelly new perspective.  Part of it I expected, part of it I didn’t.  And honestly, while I worry obsessively at times, I also find that I am able to let go of some of that worry – I’m thankful for the parenting lessons that my miscarriages taught me – I’m thankful that I can remind myself to let go and just enjoy. I’m thankful I understand the importance of an extra hug/snuggle. And, I’m also beyond thankful that I have the opportunity to worry about this living little boy and that opportunity is something I am determined to never take for granted.  

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