Is It Friday Yet?
This week has unequivocally been the hardest week I’ve had as a new mom.
Work has been pure hell.
Mr. MPB and I have been at each other.
Baby MPB, the amazing sleeper and super chill baby, is simply not his easy going self.
I’m tired. No, I’m bloody exhausted.
There simply are not enough hours in the day for me to feel like I’m doing anything right.
And it’s hard to constantly feel like I’m failing at everything.
I have no solution for work right now. It’s one of those ride the wave situations and know that it will pass and get easier.
I also get that Baby MPB is going to have bad days and/or weeks. He is human after all, and we all less then stellar days.
As for Mr. MPB, you know that’s what bother’s me the most. I HATE arguing with him more then almost anything in the world. The fact is we parent differently, which I believe is a good thing. But, I struggle when I feel like I’m being told that I’m doing things wrong all the time (let’s be real, who wouldn’t struggle with that?). But, to be honest, I’m not 100% positive that Mr. MPB is being overly critical or mean, or if I’m being over sensitive. I truly don’t know. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and let things go, but then he says or does something that pisses me off again and I’m not always perfect at biting my tongue (and neither is he). Please know, I’m not trying to say all the differences of opinion are his fault, I guarantee I’m at fault too. But honestly, some days are just hard.
In fact, if I’m honest, I realize I’ve become quiet in the last few days (when I get really upset I tend to retreat within myself. I realize that doesn’t make it acceptable, but it is what it is). I’m not emailing/texting/talking with friends as frequently as I normally do. And, if I’m fully honest, I’m so frustrated today that I’ve shut down and am currently blocking out Mr. MPB. He is basically only getting one word answers out of me which makes for a less then fun dynamic when we are working in the same office.
I realize having a baby drastically changes everything about life. Life priorities completely change. A couple is no longer just a couple, suddenly there is a little being that demands our attention and is both of our priorities. If I think critically about the situation, we are both focusing on Baby MPB’s well-being and putting each-others needs aside. In fact, I’d say we are often completely throwing each-others needs completely out the window. And, that’s just not a viable long term parenting/life strategy.
I dunno, maybe a good nights sleep will help, or maybe a dinner just the two of us, or maybe both.
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