Is It Friday Yet?
This week has unequivocally been the hardest week I’ve had as a new mom.
Work has been pure hell.
Mr. MPB and I have been at each other.
Baby MPB, the amazing sleeper and super chill baby, is simply not his easy going self.
.
I’m tired. No, I’m bloody exhausted.
There simply are not enough hours in the day for me to feel like I’m doing anything right.
And it’s hard to constantly feel like I’m failing at everything.
.
I have no solution for work right now. It’s one of those ride the wave situations and know that it will pass and get easier.
I also get that Baby MPB is going to have bad days and/or weeks. He is human after all, and we all less then stellar days.
As for Mr. MPB, you know that’s what bother’s me the most. I HATE arguing with him more then almost anything in the world. The fact is we parent differently, which I believe is a good thing. But, I struggle when I feel like I’m being told that I’m doing things wrong all the time (let’s be real, who wouldn’t struggle with that?). But, to be honest, I’m not 100% positive that Mr. MPB is being overly critical or mean, or if I’m being over sensitive. I truly don’t know. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and let things go, but then he says or does something that pisses me off again and I’m not always perfect at biting my tongue (and neither is he). Please know, I’m not trying to say all the differences of opinion are his fault, I guarantee I’m at fault too. But honestly, some days are just hard.
In fact, if I’m honest, I realize I’ve become quiet in the last few days (when I get really upset I tend to retreat within myself. I realize that doesn’t make it acceptable, but it is what it is). I’m not emailing/texting/talking with friends as frequently as I normally do. And, if I’m fully honest, I’m so frustrated today that I’ve shut down and am currently blocking out Mr. MPB. He is basically only getting one word answers out of me which makes for a less then fun dynamic when we are working in the same office.
I realize having a baby drastically changes everything about life. Life priorities completely change. A couple is no longer just a couple, suddenly there is a little being that demands our attention and is both of our priorities. If I think critically about the situation, we are both focusing on Baby MPB’s well-being and putting each-others needs aside. In fact, I’d say we are often completely throwing each-others needs completely out the window. And, that’s just not a viable long term parenting/life strategy.
I dunno, maybe a good nights sleep will help, or maybe a dinner just the two of us, or maybe both.
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My Perfect Breakdown 
The life of new parents 🙂 That is all normal. What you do have to do is remember to put each other first some times. Get a nanny for a few hours and do something together just for the two of you. Maybe he is feeling the same way as you are. It is important to put you and him first sometimes though.
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Thank you for the reassurance! I think you are right, i need to remember to put him first from time to time too.
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Do you have the Wonder Weeks app on your phone? It tells you when Baby MPB is in a leap and can be expected to have fussy periods/what he is learning during that time, etc…Saved my sanity many a time!
As for the rest – I hope you get a much needed and earned break. A dinner between just you and the Mr is a wonderful idea – I hope you can swing it! Be gentle with yourself, if you can. You do SO MUCH every day. ❤ You're doing a great job!
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Ya, he’s totally in the middle of a fussy leap. I cannot remember who in blog land told me about wonder weeks, but i love that ap! ☺
And thank you for your kind encouragement.
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I was going to say the same thing! Reading about the leaps and following along with that little timeline were so helpful in the beginning.
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I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in this post. Too often people try to portray that everything is okay. Even better than okay. Fact is, having and taking care of a baby/toddler/child can be insanely difficult at times. However, we as a society don’t often discuss these difficulties, and therefore we don’t get the support we need. Parenting is challenging, and even more so after infertility IMHO. Thank you for going there, and keeping the discussion real. I know there are many who would do anything to be in your position, but that doesn’t negate the reality of how challenging it can be. Hope things begin to calm down and fall into place!
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I know venting is not always an opening for other people to give advice suggestions but I am going to take it as such. First– I think it would be hard to find new parents that don’t go through this phase. My husband and I literally never fight and are both so good natured but we still went through that phase. It passes, I promise. If you can stay as kind as you can muster during this phase you will be glad later. It is a shock to a couple to all of a sudden focus on someone other than each other and that someone is a crying and needy (and adorable) new baby that drains your energy and is so high stakes a difference in opinion feels monumental. Eventually baby MPB will sleep all night, be more self sufficient and slowly life will feel more settled at you and Mr MPB can look at each other and say ‘oh hi there you are again, shall we go on a date or an overnight getaway’. I think the key is to get through this hard part still being kind to each other even if you just want to scream at him. As for someone being critical- that is so hard to be in that position. You should tell him to swallow his tongue unless he thinks it is a safety and huge issue. Save the criticism for big things and pose it as a question. Thinking of you. This phase is so hard and I didn’t even have to work at all!
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Oh my…. This is a very hard time. We were very similar – one word answers, barely talking, generally irritable and irritated. Brian always thought he was right with parenting things. ALWAYS. He even had the nerve to lecture me about my reaction when Matthew bit me while nursing. Then one day, he got bit on the thigh and I lectured him on HIS reaction. He still feels bad about that today. 😉
It will get better. But I understand… It’s just so sad to not be getting on together like normal. It took quite a while for us to get back to our normal ways, but that’s because we had another baby two years later. Once baby is less dependent on you for everything, the fog starts to lift.
Hugs. I know this is no fun. ❤
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Our baby is four months old and our relationship changed the minute this little one came into our world! As time has passed we are finding each other again and our relationship is coming back to the forefront but there has definitely been a lot of stumbling. This is new for all three of us and we’re all doing the best we can! Remember to be kind to yourself, you’re doing the best you can and that’s all you can ask! ❤️😊
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Adding a child to a relationship is the greatest test of love there is. Many many couples find that under adversity they simply can’t make it work. And many others find that the desire to want to make to it work means they compromise, argue, and disagree, but at heart are still committed to each other. It is a HUGE adjustment. It will be a while before you find your groove as a family. Just accept the bad times are not an indication of a lack of love!! We’re still adjusting after 6 years! We say sorry a lot more now and try to give each other more slack. It’s not easy, and it’s relentless. Hang in there and keep talking xxxxx
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This is so normal. I wish I could tell you that the bickering gets better (maybe it does, and we just haven’t figured it out yet!). But so far we still argue about parenting styles and who’s doing this or that – and if it’s right or wrong. Sleep deprivation doesn’t help. One. Bit.
The Wonder Weeks App saves me every time somethings going on. Hang in there momma! You’re doing amazing!
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Oh man, I do understand this. You know, hubby and I do work very well as a team for the most part. I’m actually surprised at how well we’ve gotten along through my pregnancy and since the babies arrived, but we also often go through similar issues. I’m probably the most exhausted and the most moody and reactive out of the two of us, and I can be a bit short-tempered at times. I also want to retreat and be left alone when he pisses me off. There is something about extreme sleep deprivation where, on one hand, it tends to amplify and increase opportunities for arguments. On the other hand, I’ve found that I have less energy to argue and more motivation to create a harmonious environment for the babies. I try to remember that we’re in this together and are both (almost) equally exhausted and stressed out (he does get more consecutive sleep than I do, though). I don’t normally hold back on my feelings and neither does he, but we do try to work through it peacefully and move on quickly. All this rambling to say that I think what you and Mr. MPB are going through is normal, and this is a huge adjustment that you’re still figuring out. I think it will get better as you two work through and develop the new coping mechanisms and lines of communication you need to make everything work as long as you are both working on it and respecting each other.
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As others have stated you were not alone in this! Thank you for making me feel that some of the things I have been going through are completely normal. I can’t count the times my husband and I have both said “remember we are on the same team” looking at the times we have argued it has been when one or both of us is extremely exhausted and overworked so I think that adds a lot of fuel to the fire. I do hope that you get some rest and that the work wave ride is smooth while baby MPB goes through a difficult period.
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You are speaking my heart! My youngest is 8 weeks old tomorrow and between working part-time from home for the past 4 weeks, trying to be a great mom to our “threenager” and being completely exhausted my husband and I’s relationship has definitely taken a backseat. Planning to have dinner out as real life adults tomorrow and hoping a couple hours away from the kids and daily responsibilities will do us both some good. Hang in there, take some time for yourself and for your husband and know you aren’t alone…the struggle is real!!
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Oh boy! The perks of parenting a new born. babies are unbelievably selfish and can sap out every remaining fiber of being from us.
I wish I could say something about the couple part, its something I am struggling with myself, yes, even after 2 kids I dont know how to manage that aspect.
Baby MPb will be good soon, maybe a spurt, A’s 8 to 9 week spurt was hard on us. He just changed as a person overnight.
Hang in there, this will pass. mAybe stuff yourself with cookies like I do :))
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It’s hard, isn’t it? I’m not going to offer advice, because I clearly haven’t figured any of this out for myself… but I will offer up a fist bump of solidarity.
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While I don’t have a baby in the house yet I do have 2 step sons one I have been raising since he was a toddler and the other one was around 9 now they are 11 and 17 and balancing their needs and your own need and your relationships needs can be a bit tricky but that’s okay eventually it will all get worked out… Me and hubby don’t exactly parent the same either some things I’m strict on he’s not and vice versa the trick for us is just talking it all out… sometimes I have to start with don’t be take this the wrong way but… I think we should… and hear his side and then compromise…we take time every night when the kids go to bed to just enjoy each others company we play a game or watch a show together we also make sure that we spend time talking everything out about the day it makes a big difference for us you will find your way to work things through just remember this is not forever it will pass and you will be back to worrying about each other’s needs! Remind me of this when I get to the newborn stage 🙂
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Ah this time is so tough. One of the things I really had to learn as a new parent was that just because Eric did things different didn’t mean he did it wrong. Monkey was still being lovingly cared for. I’m not sure if you can find an easy way to introduce that concept to Mr MPB but I know once I came to this realisation it really changed things for me. I know you guys are tight and will work hard to stay connected. New baby time is so tough.
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I don’t really have any advice, but I do hope that things start to get a bit better/easier for you soon. Maybe you just need a date night, and some cuddle time with the baby. Hang in there!
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It’s tough! As I’m sure you know from my post about my hubby driving me STARK RAVING MAD… It happens. And it comes and goes. This week will end soon and things will be back on the up and up!
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Another solidarity fist bump over here! It’s tough. Also, our baby (7.5 weeks old) is currently going through a phase where he will only nap on a person, which means that one of us is literally always holding or interacting with him — we don’t even have time to cuddle on the couch in front of a TV show, let alone go through the action that led to the creation of our son… (sorry, maybe TMI!) 🙂 I try to remind myself that the newborn phase is temporary — eventually he will sleep in his own room, and we will be able to take more time to just be the two of us. It just might be a bit of a struggle to get there!
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I think both of those things would be a huge help to you! I know it’s hard, especially when you’ve gone through so much and waited so long for Baby MPB, but time and time again, I’ve heard that you need to put your marriage first in order for you both to be there (together) for your kids for the long haul. Wishing you lots of luck in being able to get things back on track. Wish so much I could come snuggle that little one for a few hours while giving you two a break to have a much needed date night. Love you, Friend!
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No matter what, know you are NOT failing. Parenting is hard. Start each day new 🙂
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