Top Ten Reason I Need A Kid
- I love the zoo. Like really love the zoo! Walking around the zoo without a kid is probably going to raise some eyebrows at some point. A kid will justify a yearly membership and constant visits so I need a kid to help me belong.
- I’m getting too much sleep. I am simply too well rested, especially compared to most of our friends who are busy raising children, evidently they don’t sleep much these days and sometimes resent me for this.
- My crafting skills are currently just not up to snuff. I think a kid will help me improve my glue, glitter and crayon skills.
- My car is simply way too clean. In fact, asides from an extra pair of high heels, one might think that it’s never used. A kid will clearly make my car less attractive to a thief.
- I have no real reason to schedule anything. I can go to Spectre or Mockingjay or out for dinner or even take a quick weekend escape on a whim with virtually no planning. I really need to learn to follow a schedule better, and a kid will help me with that.
- My house, it’s pretty much immaculate. Everything has a place and stays there. I could use a toddler sized lesson is mess and disorganization.
- I can shower whenever I please (and interruptions are most welcome, because it means my husband is joining). I really should learn to have quicker showers to help do my part for the environment, and a kid will do that for me and the environment.
- I eat all my meals warm, in fact sometimes I even burn my mouth. A kid, and their incessant need for attention, will prevent possible microwaved pizza mouth burns. Really, a kid will improve my personal safety.
- I can take my eyes of our dog. She has free reign of the house and there are no worries related to anyone’s co-existence with all her 90lbs and giant teeth. Supervising a kid co-existing with our dog will keep me on my toes. And, clearly I need practice being observant just in case ever decide to become a covert spy.
- Really, my life is just too easy. I need a kid to mix things up and teach me a thing or two about challenge.
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