The Weirdest Thought

I’ve had this thought from time to time, and today it’s in my mind again.  It’s a simple thought:

Our Child May Already Be Conceived

That’s just weird to think about.  Most parents, they know when their child is conceived, but not us.  That’s completely out of our hands and we wont know until our child is almost born.

Because we are doing open infant adoption we know that our child is not already alive and waiting at least in the sense that they are living in a foster home or an orphanage.  But, they are very likely already alive and waiting in their very own way.

We have no idea where or how far along, but there is a real chance that our child is already alive.  He or she could already be 2 months along, or maybe 6, or even 8.  Heck, for all we know, our child could be born today or tomorrow.

This is a very weird realization.  To sit back and think that our child may very well already be out there.  Our child may be growing away and we have no idea.  And we have no ability to help him or her to flourish.

On one hand, I almost feel a sense of being stuck, as I want to help, but yet I cannot.  I have no ability to drop from the sky and offer our future birth mom some vitamins or a safe roof over her head, not yet.  Maybe one day we will help contribute to this, but today, we just wait.  And I guess now that this realization has really hit me, I also try not to obsesses over it.  I have to hope that our future birth mom is taking care of herself and our shared child.  I have to hope that she is doing everything she can to give this child the best start in life.  I have to hope.

And at the same time, the greater part of me feels a bit nervous and excited and even a bit terrified because the fact that our child may already be conceived means our child could join our lives at anytime!  Which would be absolutely amazing.  And yet, we still have so much stuff to get and do.  And the idea of actually being a parent is terrifying.  And so I find that I am reminding myself that we have more then things then many people have when their child arrives and a whole heck of a lot more then cavemen ever had, so we can do it.  We will be okay if we get the call tomorrow and in fact I’d much rather get the call tomorrow then have to wait another year or two.

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28 Comments on “The Weirdest Thought

  1. The element of surprise in adoption astounds me! One day, you’re going about your business, and the next day, you could get the call. It’s very exciting… And probably terrifying.

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    • Yup, you summed it up perfectly. I think the day we get the call it will feel like our wold stopped spinning. Or maybe it will feel like our world started spinning even faster? I dunno, I just know it’s going to be epic! 🙂

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      • We’re a waiting family, too, and it’s so surreal. We’ve had one match that wasn’t right for us and that has heightened the anticipation even more. I am attached to my phone and anytime I see an unknown number pop up my adrenaline races…

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  2. Weirdly, I was thinking the same thing about you/your child yesterday! I was thinking – that baby could be in utero right now! And about to meet their parents in a few short months!

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  3. I can’t even imagine how that’s going to feel for you to get the call! You could be having the most ordinary day to begin with, taking out the garbage or going grocery shopping and then it will turn into the most un-ordinary-incredible-amazing day just like that!! I am so excited for you!

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  4. I always say that our journeys show us that life can change in an instant. Usually it’s a more negative connotation, but if your case, that instant will be your best one yet!

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  5. We have actually talked about this & when we say prayer we pray for our child where ever they may be. Because ultimately they may be out there in the world already.

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  6. It’s freaky! My folks got the call and didn’t have anything prepared! That’s why I don’t have a middle name. 🙂 I hope your call comes in the next half hour. Actually I hope you got it between posts! X

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  7. Any way you slice it, it’s so exciting! And you are right, you don’t need to worry about how many baby things you have. Babies don’t really need much in the beginning — bottles, diapers, a swaddle, a safe place to sleep and approximately 10 million kisses. I’m pretty sure you’re good for 10 million kisses, right? I hope so much that your babe is just around the corner! 🙏👶👪

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  8. That’s not weird at all! At least I hope it’s not. lol I have kept a running list of dates that I had strong emotions or a sense of something I couldn’t shake especially if thoughts of my future child were involved. I often wonder if those are important dates in my child’s life and I’ll be curious to see if any of those days/weeks match up to pieces of their story. 🙂

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  9. That’s kinda a cool thought. Kinda fun in a way! I really hope your little one is conceived already. Because that means that some time within the next 8-ish months you will meet them! It’s a fabulous thought!

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