Have I Lost My Words?

I have never really struggled to write.  Normally words just fall out of me and my fingers type as fast as they can to keep up with my brain.  I suspect it’s somewhat similar to how a pianist feels when they sit down at a piano.  This is my version of music.

I enjoy writing.  I take comfort in expressing myself through the written word.

I love hearing the tap.tap.tap of my keyboard. I love driving people crazy who happen to hear my speedy typing (I can type much faster than the average person).  In fact, one of my favourite things is to write super speedily without looking while talking to Mr. MPB – it drives him absolutely mad.

So, I’m experiencing something new today –

I have no words.

I’m not sure where they went, but they seem to simply be gone.  And I’m not sure how to get them back.  Will they come back?  Or will I just keep spending hours staring at a blank screen?  How do others overcome this?

I could write about adoption, but when nothing is happening I have nothing to say asides from general complaining about the timelines and my lack of patience.

I could write about miscarriage, but I just don’t feel like it right now for no real reason.

I could write about Mr. MPB and / or our dog, but Mr. MPB is just horribly sick with some sort of stomach flu so I’m just spending my time taking care of him and staying far, far away from him. And the dog, she’s also sick, or at least suffering from some sort of dry skin thing. But the vet has her on prednisone and things seem to be improving.

Or maybe I should write about working, but honestly working is boring. And since I cannot discuss what I actually do, it’s really hard to write about it. Sentences with giant gaps like “today I worked on ___, and I accomplished ___” just don’t seem fun for me to write or interesting to anyone who might be reading.

Really, maybe my words have left me because life is pretty boring these days and at the same time I seem to lack the desire to dive into anything emotional today. So maybe, my words haven’t actually left me (well clearly they haven’t considering I’ve written nearly 500 words of rambling gibberish that properly shouldn’t have been posted publically). I guess, I just don’t feel like diving into anything deep right now. Because I know if I wanted to write something meaningful about miscarriage and baby loss I could – it’s a subject that is so profoundly close to my heart and very being that I always have something to say about it. Also, I could easily write something about adoption, for starters I could talk about how I’ve received more negative comments from the internet world for our choice to adopt then I have for our choice to terminate a pregnancy. For me this is both fascinating and really unexpected – I think I will write on that actually, maybe next week. (A quick side note – as per my blogging rules, I do not post the negative comments as I do not support spreading hatred).

But today, I just don’t feel like diving into anything real, raw and/or emotional.

So instead, I am going to play with my dog.

Wishing everyone a happy weekend!

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40 Comments on “Have I Lost My Words?

  1. You’re under no obligation to blog every day, nor under any obligation to post something deep when you do blog! Some days I find inspiration doesn’t hit, and other days I could write for hours.

    have a good weekend!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I cannot believe you are getting negative comments about adopting! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?! Oh Friend, I am sorry that you are even having to deal with that. I guess the good thing about being a smaller blog and always forgetting to tag things or put it in categories means I don’t really get negative feedback. Thank God, because I don’t know that I’d handle it as calmly as you do. Honestly, taking care of a sick hubby and pup takes a lot of energy and it’s totally okay if you have none left to blog something that you know is going to take emotional energy to write. We all have those days where we just don’t feel like it. Or like last week, when I wanted to write, but really didn’t have one topic or even an organized thought to write about, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your kind words! I plan to post a bit more about the negative adoption comments tomorrow. Honestly, they don’t really upset me personally, I’m always just more shocked at the unnecessarily mean things people say. And then I just block them so I never have to see a comment from them again. 🙂
      Hubby is feeling better, mostly. Puppy is also doing better. And I’m now a bit grouchier then normal, but I suspect that’s just what a destroyed basement will do to a person. But, at least things will get better, there’s always hope. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • I should totally have posted some photos – I have so many good ones that didn’t make the cut as a “happy day” photo! I googled the 30×30 challenge and there’s lots a different ones out there, which one are you talking about? I’m thinking once I end my 365 days of happy photos (only 64 days left) finding a smaller 30 day challenge might be a good idea. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • The David Suzuki Foundation one- 30 minutes of nature/outdoor activity for 30 days. I sometimes take photos for each day, this year I’m not, as I’m trying to disconnect a bit.

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      • I read about that one! It sounded wonderful, and I actually wanted to do the nature part for 30 days, until I became distracted with our basement. Maybe next time. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Just curious (and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to), are the people who comment negatively about adoption your regular readers or people that just find your blog randomly? It’s so sad that you get negative comments, it makes my heart hurt! The more I’m reading about adoption on the internet, the more I’m realizing that adoption is such a charged topic, and EVERYONE has an opinion on it. On the one hand, I completely understand why it’s so charged and I think everyone is entitled to their opinion, but on the other hand, all of this negative blasting that I see on the message boards is helping no one. One person asked on a message board the other day if it’s possible to love an adopted child as much as a biological child, and people just tore her up! Many, many people said that they couldn’t believe she was asking that, and she obviously shouldn’t adopt if she was asking that question. How did that attack help that woman? It didn’t, not one bit. Anyway, end rant. But this stuff just makes me so angry. I hope the Mr. and the pup feel better soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    • None of my regular readers have ever said anything negative to me about adoption!! The ones who have been mean, and who have not had their comments published were random people, so I just blocked them from commenting again. So if they are still reading and commenting, I have no idea.
      Anyways, I took the time to draft some thoughts on the negative comments to post tomorrow – I so completely agree with you about negative blasting not helping anyone! I find it so sad that those who are articulating the hard questions, like the one you mention about loving an adopted child equally, are getting blasted. Honestly, these are the questions we need to ask ourselves in order to figure out if adoption is right for us. And we should be granting people the space to ask these questions and supporting them to find the right answer for them. In my mind, coming from a blended family with bio and non-bio siblings, the answer is a resounding yes – love doesn’t understand biology. But it may not be for her and that’s okay too. It’s best that people figure these things out BEFORE hand, where possible. I just think it’s best that we help each other and simply show compassion.

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    • Unfortunately our basement flooded and we ended up ankle deep in water with crews disaster crews in our house all day and evening Friday. But now that things have stabilized in our basement, we got in a really good play with our dog today! It was wonderful! 🙂

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    • Puppy days are the best days!! Friday didn’t happen thanks to unforeseen flooding, but we just got home from an awesome walk with her and we are all smiling again for the first time in a few days! 🙂

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  4. Good for you! Go play with your dog :). As others have mentioned, it’s okay to not write every day. Writing should be cathartic, not an obligation.

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    • Thanks so much for your encouragement to give myself space to not write. I love to write, so I just hate when I don’t “feel” it. But, that’s just how some days are I guess. 🙂
      And, puppy play time didn’t happen until today thanks to an unforeseen basement flood, but we had a great time playing today! 🙂

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  5. Ahhhh… Hugs. I can’t believe people are so horrible about adoption. I spent way too long writing my thoughts on your last post (the longest blog post I’ve ever written, haha!), so hopefully that is positive commenting rather than negative.
    And dogs! Dogs are amazing! 🙂

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  6. I hope you had fun playing with your dog. 🙂

    It’s okay to not write every day. You are a deep thinker and deserve a break every now and again. Plus, if you feel like writing anyways, you can – and just did! Be kind to yourself and don’t feel obligated to blog. ❤ Have a great weekend!

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    • Thank you so much for your encouragement. It’s funny, I didn’t think I’d have anything to say, and yet I still wrote a few hundred words. 🙂
      Friday’s dog play didn’t happen thanks to an unexpected basement flood, but we finally had time this morning to get outside. And we ALL needed a good walk and play – it was great! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You don’t need to write all the time, just when you want. When you want to write, write, when you want to step away, step away.

    I don’t understand why people would be so negative about adoption, it’s a fantastic thing to do. One of DHs family members adopted and while it’s been so difficult to get the adoption it’s been so rewarding and the child is thriving.

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    • Thanks for this! I think you make such a great point about writing when I want to and stepping away when I want too. 🙂
      As for the negative adoption stuff, I am working on something for tomorrow.

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  8. I can not believe people are being negative about adoption!? People are quick to judge when they have no understanding of your experiences. I have not a clue what it is like for you, but appreciate the insight you are giving us. I have not come across anything negative about adoption…yet, but I have just touched the surface in my reading. Like I touched on in another comment it seems by sharing with us and the fact that you have to be open (to family friends etc) means people think they have the right to ask too many questions and throw judgments about. I get what you mean about the writers block, I do not blog so much as feel at the moment I have nothing really happening and there for nothing anyone wants to read lol. I like reading about the everyday stuff too. 🙂 I hope Mr MPB & the dog feel better soon. x

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    • Thanks so much for your understanding about the writers block and the adoption stuff!! 🙂
      I think you are right that people are quick to judge when they don’t understand or when they don’t agree. It seems that sometimes people jump to shouting out in anger rather then having a healthy dialog about something, which is just too bad.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I hope Mr. MPB and doggieMPB feel better soon! And that you don’t catch what he has. Your words will come to you when they are ready, I go through the “writer’s block” too, and then I will randomly have a moment of inspiration to get the juices flowing. Hope you have your moment soon.

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  10. I have spent weeks of this year not feeling like writing. It’s okay. Cut yourself some slack!

    I am sorry Mr. MPB is a little sicko. I hope he starts to feel much better soon and does not share the wealth with you!

    Hope the dogster enjoyed your blogging break!

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    • Thanks for sharing your struggle to write too. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
      So far Mr. MPB has kept his illness to himself, thankfully!! And, he’s finally starting to feel a bit better, which is awesome! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Some days I really feel the need to write/blog, but have nothing to talk about or say. Nothing that would interest anyone, anyway. Other days I have so much to say that I’m afraid I’ll bore everyone to death and they’ll get tired of reading. (Like today…that was a long one!) I’m always interested in anything you have to say. You don’t have to write about something deep or thoughtful every day, sometimes rambling is nice to read too! 🙂
    Oh…hope Mr.MPB and the dog are feeling better soon!

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    • Thanks so much for sharing and for supporting my rambling days! 🙂
      Mr. MPB is finally on the mend. And the dog is healing up quite nicely after her prednison treatment. So, things are good. 🙂

      Like

  12. Why would anyone write anything negative about adoption?????Ugh!

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    • I have no idea!! The saddest part for me is that the negative comments have all come from people inside the adoption community – i.e. adoptive parent.
      I much prefer the approach of sharing love and support.

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  13. Like many of these comments, I don’t understand what is negative about adopting. Really bizarre thing to comment poorly on in my opinion. As they say from my English neck of the woods, “nowt as queer as folk” – generally meaning it takes all kinds to make the world go round!

    Like

  14. Sorry it was a bad day, sweetie. Thankfully, it’s a good life.

    Thinking of you & your words,
    Dani

    Like

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