Have I Lost My Words?
I have never really struggled to write. Normally words just fall out of me and my fingers type as fast as they can to keep up with my brain. I suspect it’s somewhat similar to how a pianist feels when they sit down at a piano. This is my version of music.
I enjoy writing. I take comfort in expressing myself through the written word.
I love hearing the tap.tap.tap of my keyboard. I love driving people crazy who happen to hear my speedy typing (I can type much faster than the average person). In fact, one of my favourite things is to write super speedily without looking while talking to Mr. MPB – it drives him absolutely mad.
So, I’m experiencing something new today –
I have no words.
I’m not sure where they went, but they seem to simply be gone. And I’m not sure how to get them back. Will they come back? Or will I just keep spending hours staring at a blank screen? How do others overcome this?
I could write about adoption, but when nothing is happening I have nothing to say asides from general complaining about the timelines and my lack of patience.
I could write about miscarriage, but I just don’t feel like it right now for no real reason.
I could write about Mr. MPB and / or our dog, but Mr. MPB is just horribly sick with some sort of stomach flu so I’m just spending my time taking care of him and staying far, far away from him. And the dog, she’s also sick, or at least suffering from some sort of dry skin thing. But the vet has her on prednisone and things seem to be improving.
Or maybe I should write about working, but honestly working is boring. And since I cannot discuss what I actually do, it’s really hard to write about it. Sentences with giant gaps like “today I worked on ___, and I accomplished ___” just don’t seem fun for me to write or interesting to anyone who might be reading.
Really, maybe my words have left me because life is pretty boring these days and at the same time I seem to lack the desire to dive into anything emotional today. So maybe, my words haven’t actually left me (well clearly they haven’t considering I’ve written nearly 500 words of rambling gibberish that properly shouldn’t have been posted publically). I guess, I just don’t feel like diving into anything deep right now. Because I know if I wanted to write something meaningful about miscarriage and baby loss I could – it’s a subject that is so profoundly close to my heart and very being that I always have something to say about it. Also, I could easily write something about adoption, for starters I could talk about how I’ve received more negative comments from the internet world for our choice to adopt then I have for our choice to terminate a pregnancy. For me this is both fascinating and really unexpected – I think I will write on that actually, maybe next week. (A quick side note – as per my blogging rules, I do not post the negative comments as I do not support spreading hatred).
But today, I just don’t feel like diving into anything real, raw and/or emotional.
So instead, I am going to play with my dog.
Wishing everyone a happy weekend!
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