On New Year’s Resolutions & Taking Back My Life

I hate New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, I hate them so much I have never made one. And this New Years is no different.

My hatred for New Year’s Resolutions is similar to my hated for dieting. Quick fixes are often unattainable because they do not get to the root of the issue. Saying, I am going to smile everyday isn’t necessarily that simple. Really, one should be asking themselves, why am I not smiling? What is causing my problems? What needs to change to help create a foundation for smiling more regularly? While I know not everyone is going to take this pragmatic approach to solving personal problems, it’s how I function. I want a deeper understating, and I believe the deeper understanding will help support the long term change.

Even then, while I firmly believe in lifestyle changes, but I do not believe in grand promises to oneself. I firmly believe that life style changes take work, and dedication and are more than just a sweeping statement of change on a date when societal customs say you should. Real, meaningful lifestyle changes include slip-ups and set-backs, as well as successes and triumphs. Progress is not always linear. Some days (and even weeks) are messy. They include many small, manageable changes that together result in a big changes. Changes that can last a lifetime, but will only last if we choose to make them last.

So, all of this said, I sit here today and I look back on the last year. For us, 2013 and 2014 have been full of heartache as we have lost 5 little babies that were never able to take their first breath. We have struggled to find happiness and joy through all of it. I have done my research to see how others find happiness, reading books, reading blogs, Goodling, talking with a counsellor, etc. I feel as though I have done my happiness homework.

So, I did not wait until New Years Eve to proclaim that I’d be happier during the next year. Heck, at this point, I do not believe that anyone can predict something like a happier year ahead. Life doesn’t work that way.

But, what I do know is that after our 4th loss, I decided to start my blog and share my story. One day I decided to stop trying so hard with toxic people who only hurt me. And then, one day I finally listened to my counsellor and decided to quit my job and focus on my mental health and my physical and mental recovery. And then, one day I woke up and decided to immediately start the 100 days of happiness, then I decided to keep going and January 1 will mark 179 consecutive days of photographing simple happy moments in my life. And probably one of the biggest events of 2014 was our decision to seek out of country medical expertise regarding our recurrent pregnancy loss, which has enabled us to turn to adoption to grow our family. Many times during the year I fought hard to find hope, when I hope was all but lost for me. And one day I decided I was sick of not being allowed to exercise due to high risk pregnancies and miscarriages – 2 years of inactivity was literally killing me – I simply did not feel healthy, So, I completed our home gym and hired a private trainer to help us get our physical health back.

All this of this means, that 2015 will be very different from 2014 and 2013. Even with experiencing so much loss, that I am in a much different place today then I was yesterday and I know tomorrow will be much different than today! 2013 was a year of heartache, a year where the pain just grew and grew, as our experiences just got worse and worse. 2014 was also a year of heartache, but a year where I searched out hope and happiness through all of it and somehow I made it through our toughest of times. Because of the personal foundation I worked so hard to build through 2014, I hope 2015 will be a year filled with even more happiness and hope.

I am convinced that if we keep doing the hard work, working on our well-being, working to grow our family, 2015 should be a whole lot happier!

So looking forward to 2015, I will not proclaim any sort of new life promises. But I will continue to trudge along. I will continue to wade into the messy emotions and sort through all the crazy. I will continue to experience pain, because that’s part of life and cannot be completely avoided, but I am better equipped to deal with setbacks then I was before. I will continue to search for happiness and fill my life with positive influences. I will continue to live and love wholeheartedly. I will continue to grow as an individual, as half of a couple, as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister and maybe even as a mother.

I will look towards 2015 with hope, because hope has engrained itself in my very being as my guiding light through the good times and the bad.

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33 Comments on “On New Year’s Resolutions & Taking Back My Life

  1. Love, love, love that last line! I think I need to write it out and hang it up. 2015 is a year of so much potential. I hope it propells you forward on your adoption journey. ❤ Happy new year!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this post. I, too, feel like some of 2013 and all of 2014 have been about loss and infertility for me. I am doing all the hard work, too, and really that is all we can do. My heart hurts for your five babies never to be, yet is filled with happiness and hope for your adoption journey. I’ve been thinking about you a lot as I navigate my current loss. Losing two is hard enough, I don’t know how you made it through five. But here you are, making it. If you can do it, so can I. Xo.

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    • Thank you so much sweetie. I promise you, you can make it. 1, 2, 5 – it never gets easier to find out your baby is not going to make it and to wait for your body to realize the inevitable. The only difference is the more miscarriages you have means you get “good” at knowing what is coming at you and how to make decisions. It’s one of those practice makes perfect, except no-one wants to practice this and no-one deserves to perfect the process. My heart breaks for you, and I just hope 2015 is kinder to you!

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  3. Much as I hate repeating what others have said, I too really love this post. It’s good not only to read such words of hope for someone else, but also to feel them resonating within myself. I finally – after more than 50 years – broke loose of the New Year Resolutions habit this year – I mean, this month, BEFORE NY. I started a new eating habit a couple weeks before the holidays, and didn’t get phased when Christmas cake temporarily derailed me because I am enjoying every last mouthful of that delicious cake, and it will soon be gone, and meantime my body is happy – and I didn’t have to wait for a magical date for that to happen. I’ve made other changes too. I finally decided that I had just one NY Resolution to make – to give up playing Sudoku, because while I love brain games, my somewhat addictive personality quickly transforms them into a huge timesuck. And then the other day I decided stuff it, why wait, and I stopped right away. So I’m already enjoying the benefits of an extra couple hours in each day. Tomorrow will be magic because there is something special about a new year rolling around, but I don’t have to add a load of stress to that. Such a good thing to realise, at long last!

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  4. I don’t really believe in resolutions either, and I normally don’t make them. I will “sort of” be making some this year, though I’ve already started working on things. I really don’t want to be so overweight and unhealthy anymore. I’ve struggled so hard to find any motivation, and now I’m just at a point where I’m sick of myself. I’ve already started eating better, and intend to start trying to walk 3 times a week (or more). I know this will also help with our IF journey, so I need to make that my motivation!! Wishing you a fabulous new year filled with lots of love and laughter!!

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    • I hope 2015 brings you all the health and happiness imaginable! I have no doubt your hard work to shed a few pounds will pay off in making you feel better, and will also help you on your IF journey. Lots of love to you my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, I couldn’t agree more. I have never once made a resolution (ok, wait, maybe one, and that was several years ago: Go to church more often. haha). I love that you took it a step further and instead of making a promise to yourself about how something ought to be, you are being mindful and focusing on how to make a healthy you as a whole. Hope 2015 does bring loads of joy and a lot more smiles. OXO Happy New Year, Friend!!!!!

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    • Thank you so much for your love and encouragement. I so hope 2015 does bring loads of joy and a lot more smiles for me and for you!! Wishing you the absolute best in 2015.

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  6. Happy & healthy 2015 to you! I look forward to your upcoming posts and adventure with adoption! You’ve inspired me to almost want to adopt myself and then realize in actuality I’d really rather be a stay-at-home-cat-mom — something I’m not but would actually ❤ .

    Anyway …………. here's to you and peace and health and success and a new chapter in your life 2015!

    Hugs,
    Elizabetcetera 🙂

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  7. Right there with you on the heartache of 2013 and 2014. And like you, I’m carefully seeking and hoarding happiness out of the mess that life seems to generate. I really hope you have a peaceful and happy year, no matter what it holds for you. Will be following your journey xxx

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