Father’s Day Without a Living Child
It sucks to know that father’s day is here, and my husband doesn’t get to celebrate being a father. And, this year, unlike last year, I think we are both realizing that we may never be parents. He may never be a father. He may never get to teach his child to ride a bike, or help his child catch their first fish, or teach his child how to skate. He may never know any of these simple joys.
But for me, today, on father’s day, I just feel sad for us and for my husband. I feel sad that father’s day is a day we’d rather avoid then a day we’d like to celebrate. Sure, my husband will call his dad and wish him a good day. My dad’s away on vacation, so I’ll send a text which he may or may not get. But, other than that, we will avoid.
Avoid, just like we often do.
We cope differently. We process differently. But the one thing we both do is avoid hard days and family gatherings with all the little nieces and nephews.
If he had his way, I think we’d bury our head in the sand and try to ignore all this infertility stuff. Often, he would like to pretend that this isn’t occurring and not even discuss it or discuss anything baby related. If I had my way, we’d talk it through and map out every single possible route forward through the midfield of infertility explosions and where possible we’d make decisions and come to agreements in advance of stepping on a critical and emotional landmine. This might a slight over simplification of what we both want to do, but I think you get the point – we cope differently.
(Okay, who am I kidding, if we both actually got our way, we would have not had a single miscarriage, and instead we’d have at least one healthy child by now, maybe two, but since that’s clearly not possible, I won’t say any more on the subject).
Some days we cope his way, and some day we cope my way. Some days we do a mix of both.
But, since his father’s day will not consist of playing with a child, today will be about having a good day and enjoying what we do have – each other, friends, love and mountain fresh air.