We’ve made a decision. We are going to call the adoption agency that has been recommended to us by an amazing adoptive parent couple that we met with a few weeks ago (see that post here).
The decision to contact an adoption agency DOES NOT mean:
- We have given up on trying again for a healthy pregnancy.
- We have decided to adopt. We are still very scared of adoption.
On the other hand, what this DOES mean is that we have decided to properly educate ourselves. We know that we are in a situation that, although beyond our control, may require us to seriously consider an alternative family make-up. That may mean adopting children or living childfree. We accept that we don’t know what we will do, and we accept that we don’t have to decide today. But, what we do need to start doing today is figuring out the real facts about our potential options.
So, why now are we ready to meet with an adoption agency?
- The great personal experiences that others have shared with us have had a profound effect on us. Most importantly, they have given us the confidence to call an adoption agency and set up an initial meeting. They have shown us that not all adoptions are negative experiences and that maybe we need to open our minds up to the fact that adoptions can go well.
- We have the time to start learning about adoption right now. So, why not?
- Even if we choose not to adopt or if we choose to adopt, we need to know that we made the decision based in fact and truths. We need to know that we are okay with the adoption decision either way. So, we need to use our time to educate ourselves to enable us to make the best decision for us.
- If we choose to adopt, there are a lot of decisions we will need to make. By starting to meet with an agency now, we will learn the types of decisions we will face at some point in the future. From what we understand some of these decisions include the type of adoption we want to do (open local adoption or international) and the type of children we want to adoption (apparently there is an extensive checklist that includes race, gender, etc.). The sooner we discuss this with an adoption agency, the sooner we can start to understand the types of choices we have to make. And therefore, should we choose to adopt it means we have time for some of these ideas to percolate before having to make final decisions.
- The average adoption wait time is 3 years after your per-screening paper work is complete. So, we might as well at least start looking into adoption now. There is no reason to wait another year (or more) just to start evaluating it as an option.
- Just because we look into adoption, it doesn’t mean we have to do it. We understand this and are okay with removing ourselves from the process at any point.
So, what’s the next step?
I will call the adoption agency. We will see what they say and see what happens next. Presumably we will schedule some sort of introduction meeting? But, I honestly don’t even know if that will be the outcome of the conversation because I truthfully have no expectations of how the conversation will unfold.
The one thing we both know, is that our journey continues regardless of our perceptions of the journey. We have no idea what our family will look like in 5 years. And, as much as I despise not knowing and am working to come to terms with it, I understand that we don’t have a prescribed end destination. So, while I work to accept this bigger unknown, I will also focus on the fact that we are active participants in our lives and so we must proactively participate. We have potential outcomes to evaluate and decisions to make. I will not let the world define my life for me, instead we will make the best decisions for us when and where we can.