I’m having a bad day. It’s hard to explain simply, but I can easily say that the events of today have thrown my world just a bit off kilter. Nothing is catastrophically wrong, just my faith in the world has been shaken.
After years of counseling (while going through recurrent pregnancy loss), I learned that when I get stressed I move into my head. I dwell, I worry, I think through every scenario I possibly can. Quite frankly, I obsess. And I get incredibly quiet.
This most recent shaking has done this to me again – I’m working by-myself at home right now, so it’s very easy to be quiet. And it’s also very easy to be in my head and obsessively worrying about things that I cannot change.
The silence is almost deafening, if it weren’t for the thousand thoughts running around my mind.
Yet, I rationally realize that this situation truly doesn’t involve me directly. In fact, it involves Mr. MPB professional life and so I really have no ability to influence this situation. And so, while I cannot help but worry, I realize I really have no ability to influence the situation. I have to sit on the sidelines, watch the pieces fall where they may and be there to support Mr. MPB in anyway I can.
Yet, I feel betrayed, disappointment and hurt. Mostly, I just feel disappointed. And if I feel this way, I can only imagine how Mr. MPB must be feeling.
I guess what I cannot help but wonder right now is why is it that people don’t think before they act? And why does it hurt so much more when it’s people you trust?
If you’ve managed to follow me through until this point, I commend you. I’m not sure anything I’ve said actually makes sense.
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