I Will Never….

I will never:

  • Let my child watch useless TV.  Seriously, maybe I can tolerate educational programs, and the odd Disney movie (because I love Disney), but if there is virtually no value to it, they are not watching it.
  • Formula feed.  Nutrition is best, but I am going to breastfeed come hell or high water.  I can and will make it work.
  • Tolerate my child screaming in a restaurant.  Seriously, is there anything more annoying then a kid ruining dinner for an entire restaurant?
  • Be 30 minutes (or more) late for something.  Nope, that’s just not going to happen because I just wont go at that point.  And I despise when people are late and so I refuse to become one of them.
  • Allow my child to throw a temper tantrum in public.  Again, with kids ruining other people’s pleasant experiences.  Oh, and shouldn’t kids be raised to be better behaved?
  • Let them play games on my tablet/cell phone.  Ya, that’s just not going to happen.
  • Yell at my child in public for misbehaving.  I will not be that mom. Heck, I’m hoping I never even yell at my kids in the privacy of our own home.  My kids are just going to be brought up to be respectable, nice kids.
  • Let my kids eat unhealthy, crap food.  We make almost all our meals fresh.  So why would our kids ever need to eat crap pre-made, processed foods?  Between Mr. MPB and I, we will just make time to cook fresh and healthy meals everyday.
  • I will never go out in public looking like I forgot how to get dressed.   Nope, I will not be a pajama pant wearing mommy at the park or a restaurant.  It cannot be that hard to take 2 minutes to throw on a nice pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt.
  • My child will not be a spoiled brat.  They will learn to save their allowance to buy toys.  They will learn to say please and thank you, not just demand things.

I admit it, these are all things I’ve thought to myself or even said to Mr. MPB at one point or another.

BUT, I’m starting to see the errors in my years of innocent naive thinking.  Just based on the fact that evidently hell and high water came to our lives, and breastfeeding is now out of the question.  But even more, I seem to have an ever increasing awareness that parenting is the hardest job in the world which makes me realize that some of my preconceived notions might just be insane.

In many ways, I actually think it will be funny to compare this list with things that I actually do.

Somehow I think I will end up doing many of the things I said I’ll never do and many things my pre-baby mind hasn’t even thought of that it would also deem unacceptable.

To all my mommy friends out there, are there any other never’s that I should be on the look out for?  Are there other things you swore you would never do and now find yourself doing?  Or are there things that you never even thought of that you surprise yourself with now?

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63 Comments on “I Will Never….

    • You bet I will!! I think most first time parents probably do! Out of everything on that list right now I’m not dedicated to not wearing pajama pants out in public. I’ll wear a hat to hide a bad hair day, but I do hope to find time to put on real pants for public outings. Hahaha ☺

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      • Well, no.. even the yoga pants rule is out of the window in the first 2-3 months , esp if you want to breathe fresh air. There is simply too much spit up and poop explosions that after a few weeks you stick to yoga pants to save your other good pants.

        The only never in my never list after becoming a mom is:

        1)Never say never. You have no idea what you may need to do to survive. Kids test every ounce of our patience.
        2)Never publicly shout loudly at your kid. If i am angry, I just make these big angry eyes at my son and he has now learnt that means mommy is angry and I have done some bad. This one attracts too much attention and the last thing I want is someone calling CPS on me for no reason.
        3) Never feel bad if you fail any of your rules. Like most of your rules are great, but its not a never, its always a “as much as possible” thing. There will be bad days and I try to be kind to myself. That one is a biggie.

        Liked by 5 people

  1. Lol, I was reading this post rolling my eyes at most of the bullet points. You’re so right, we all have these preconceived notions of how we’ll parent, and how good we’ll be at it….but just like infertility, it’s a situation you have no clue how you’ll react to until you’re actually faced with it!! Lol loved this post!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL! This is fabulous. We do our best parenting *before* we become parents, that’s for sure! I have eaten almost every single one of my “I never….” statements.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. haha where to start?! The TV/tablet/phone thing was a big one but now that G is here that has all gone out the window. G mostly ignores the tv unless its Mickey Mouse ClubHouse and to be honest I use it to my advantage to go to the bathroom in peace or shovel food in my mouth because I am starving. He also loves my phone and I defintely give it to him in public to try and keep him quiet. I have held strong that there is no electronics at the dinner table but that’s about it. I go out in public in yoga pants, shit and a bun daily. It’s a struggle but it’s wonderful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had not thought that the TV could be used to my advantage! Being able to go to the bathroom when you want to, is something I have not thought much about (oh, how great it is to be naive to the realities of parenting) – I now realize the TV will clearly be used to enable this! 🙂
      Oh, and yoga pants are not pajama pants in my mind. I go out in my yoga pants from time to time and I don’t even have a kid. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m much like you.. I had thoughts of what I would and wouldn’t do. Much has changed. I always thought I would breastfeed and now when someone asks? I say if that’s what my body allows me to do, but either way my child will be fed and healthy. Infertility and RPL has a way of teaching us that we are really not in control. You just kind of have to go with it and parenting is a very difficult job- I totally agree with you.

    The only thing I think I stick by is not allowing my child to scream excessively in a restaurant (while I realize it will happen, there are things that you can be proactive or reactive about-like walking your child outside to calm them down, bringing things for them to do, planning it around naps, allowing them to snack before the food comes..etc). My brother and I went to lunch this week and a mother let her child scream at the top of their lungs for 20 minutes (not even an exaggeration). My brother and I couldn’t even hear each other to talk-we just sat there and decided to text each other across the table, 2 couples got up to ask the hostess to move their seats, and one woman (who looked like a grandmother) actually had crayons in her purse and walked over to the mother to give the child something to do. The mom screamed at him several times and then ignored him for the next 15 minutes. I think I’d leave or get my food to go. I don’t think I could deal with all that screaming and I’d feel too bad for those around me trying to actually enjoy their company.

    One thing I want to *try* to do is not to yell at my child out of anger. I know that it will probably happen (maybe out of fear bc she runs into the street when she’s small? I’m having a really bad day? She sneaks out the first time as a teenager) but when I was young my mom always screamed out of anger. That’s one thing that still sticks with me as an adult and you know my childhood. That’s still one thing I look back and think how hurtful it was growing up.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m with you on everything you’ve said here! I know I cannot plan it all perfectly, but i agree about trying not to yell out of anger, if my kid is screaming in public, then I’ll just take them into the hallway or outside until they calm down. And of course, bringing things like crayons for positive distractions is essentially a basic necessity!

      Like

  5. I have stuck to the no public tantrums ( while sometimes unavoidable- removing your child from the situation quickly is totally doable- I have plenty of full grocery carts left in the aisles) I think the TV one was easily broken- he loves curious George and I love 20 minutes to do my hair and makeup or clean the kitchen on occasion. I have finally settled on a goal of being a loving, kind, adventurous Mom that raises a kid who is well behaved, curious and loves life. No strict rules as I try to accomplish that. I loved this post!

    Liked by 2 people

    • First, I hope to be half the mother you are. Your goal sounds pretty much perfect, and I so enjoy watching and learning from you. Thank you my friend.
      I’m with you on the no public tantrums, when possible. And as you say, remove the child if you have to. Who cares about leaving a grocery cart in the aisle! Heck, in my younger years when I worked at a grocery story, I loved when people left carts, it gave me something to do. 🙂
      And I’ve now learned, from all the comments today, that TV has a valuable place in possibly helping preserve my sanity!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ha! I was reading through this and saying in my head, “Yup, check, did this one.” I’ve done all of these things, except for, I hope, letting my child be a spoiled brat. I agree with MamaJ on the TV thing. Lettie probably watches too much of it, but sometimes I just need to get shiz done! I weirdly never said “I never” before I became a parent because I knew I would end up doing all of it anyway, ha — so I don’t have anymore “I nevers” for you to look out for. I think my one piece of advice, which you seem to already be following, is to just go easy on yourself, and do what you need to do to raise healthy, happy children. Sometimes that looks different than what you might have originally thought. You’re going to be a great mom!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh you know what, I did have ONE I never, and I stuck to it: I will never co-sleep with my baby. When it comes to safety, I am pretty much a stickler. My anxiety won’t let me be any other way, We’ll see what happens with the next kid (God willing), but I’m still firm on my stance as of now!

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      • I’ve got to say, I hope I’m half the mother you are to Lettie! Seriously, you inspire me every single day. 🙂
        Also, I love your advice! Now, hopefully when the time comes I’ll be able to go easy on myself, but knowing me that will be a challenge.

        Like

  7. Ohhh, all the “never’s”. Some are realistic and grounded. I think health eating is a must. No yelling is also a must, more parents need to find this balance in order to have more well rounded, respected children. I agree with the minimal tv time, although we have an old school vhs and every disney movie you can imagine. Disney Movie nights are big in this house, if you haven’t seen inside out yet it’s soooo cute! And last but not least public tantrums are not wanted or tolerated in this house either but to say they will never happen is just unrealistic. Young children are the most un-predictable little things out there. Sure, I’m not going to let them sit and scream in a restaurant but I’m definitely not the mom shrugging at the other mothers for going through public tantrums. My oldest Shawn knows that the instance he misbehaves In public is the same exact instance he goes outside to have a talk with mama and take a time out. This has worked well for us in his earlier, more temperamental toddler years. Parenting is hard, un-predictable and saying never is unrealistic. You two will figure out what works and what doesn’t.

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    • I love all of this! I’m with you on the healthy eating piece, it’s just something I believe is important and I know we’ll work really hard to make it happen. I think it also helps that Mr. MPB loves to cook, so he will also put this on his list of top priorities. Also, love that Shawn has learned the consequences of public misbehavior, I hope our child is also able to learn this. I suspect a lot of it has to do with consistent discipline from both parents?
      Oh, and I have not seen Inside Out yet – but now that you’ve suggested I’m sure i will watch it sometime this week. I can never say no to a cute movie! 🙂

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  8. So sooooo many! I wanted to exclusively breastfeed until I didn’t produce. Wasn’t gonna give medication until I saw my child sick and struggling to feel well. I have intentions of making my own food but know with work my time is limited. I wanted to have a strict “no tv till he’s 2” rule which I’m sure will go by the wayside because the truth is I don’t know what I don’t know. And I don’t know what challenges await me as a parent. I’ve decided that my goal is to be present…off my phone during waking hours, disconnected from work and connected to my family. Everything else will somehow work itself out. I hope! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh the day my son was born was the day I stopped sorting my whites from colors during laundry. It was pure survival mode during the newborn state and continued now that I went back to work.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I hadn’t even thought about the medication one! I’m a proponent of medication when needed, but I imagine I will struggle with it, especially the first few times! And as for whites vs. colours with laundry, I already am too lazy to sort them. I usually sort by dryer vs. air dry and wash in cold water. I wonder if I will just start throwing everything in the dryer to save time….I hope not, but who knows. 🙂
        I love your goal of being present and not on your phone all the time. I think that’s so important in this day and age, even without kids. I hope I can do the same thing! 🙂

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  9. This is awesome. 🙂 The breastfeeding one was a giveaway — I was like, “whaaaat???” and then I realized what you were doing and it was brilliant!

    I think I do have some nevers, but they’re not lighthearted like this. I will never hit my child. I will never allow him to see me drunk (unlikely anyway, as neither my husband nor I has ever been drunk — we’re weird that way — but this one comes from living with an alcoholic father as a kid).

    And here’s a positive “never” to leave it on: after everything we’ve been through, I will never take a healthy, living child for granted. Never. I’m sure there are days he’ll drive me up the wall, but I’m also equally sure that I’ll be a different parent to him after having lost his big sister, and that I’ll have a basic level of appreciation for what a gift every day with him is that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! I WILL NEVER HIT MY CHILD. I will also never let them see either Mr. MPB or I drunk – i still remember the first time I saw one of my parents hung-over (my now step-mom), I was about 15 and it totally left a not so great impression.
      And yes, I too will never take a second with our child for granted. I think I could write a whole post about that. Gosh, after we’ve been through, that is the silver lining.
      Love to you my friend, I am so excited to watch you continue to become an amazing mommy.

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  10. My big one was “I will never allow our kids to sleep in bed with us”, since we don’t let the dogs do it, I thought I’d stick to it. WRONG! We are bed sharing with Dumplin right now, and I’m surprisingly loving it.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Lol another newer mom friend and I recently got together and discussed these things, all the misconceptions we had about what kind of parents we would be before we had children. You’ll see, some things will work, others will/may not. Out of desperation and exhaustion, some things will become more relaxed. Ie. Television… We stuck to no TV whatsoever before 2 years old, and even closer to 2.5. We stuck to no refined sugar & processed foods until around 2 years old too. With a second child I know this will be virtually impossible unless we keep our children from eating and spending time together! I thankfully had a small goal of 6 months exclusive breastfeeding, but ended up weaning only at 18 months due to fertility issues or I may have gone on much longer. Anyway, all this to say keep an open mind. It’s easy to have strong opinions before you’ve tested them out on your own subjects. That being said, I have no doubt you and mr mpb are going to make amazing parents!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Yah I love the preconceived notions we all have but honesty I follow some that you’ve written down, maybe as even a reminder to myself that even when things are going sideways the world shouldn’t have to change just for us. Like the late thing, serious pet peeve of mine. It takes at least 2 hours of planning to get the twins and I prepped and out the door and that’s factored in a buffer time too. I HATE being late. Screaming in public: totally agree. I will remove ourselves before a melt down occurs. I won’t have it. Pajamas: I refuse to leave the house without some sort of togetherness going on. Albeit lulu bottoms and a plaid shirt but I had a shower and that’s ok by me. And the babies always get dressed in the am. I refuse to let them wear sleepers day and night. I need to feel Like there’s a beginning and an end to our day haha.
    One I changed on was food. I really tried to not do pre made foods, I wanted to do it all. But convenience wins sometimes and I’ve relented to the organic pouches. And we do a combo of baby led weaning and purée foods. Co-sleeping: yup we do it still. Don’t care what anyone thinks and there’s literature for both sides so you gotta do what’s right for you. Again convenience won on that and it helped when my breastmilk seemed to dip around 4 weeks. Apparently I’m more of an attachment parent which I wouldn’t have guessed it be but its what comes naturally to me and what works for us.
    I think when push comes to shove the books and theories on styles and practices take a back seat to necessity and practicality. And your intuition as a mom. And survival haha…do whatever gets you through the tough moments. You’re ahead of the game already knowing that preferences and preconceived notions will likely give way to what’s ever needed in the moment 😊 you’re going to be great!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I loved reading this and learning from you! And love hearing about how you’re doing something you didn’t expect to, but you are also doing some things you did expect. It’s so interesting to see how every parent seems to do things just a little different. But, it all seems to work – maybe it’s just figuring out what works best for your lifestyle and what compromises make your life work. As you say, intuition probably plays a big role. I guess it’s just individual, as are most things in life. 🙂
      Also, I totally see lulu as different then pajama pants. I’m okay with leaving the house in yoga pants, but not pajama pants! And on a bad hair day, I’m okay with a hat (In fact, I wore a hat to my 7:00am dentist appointment just today). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I was confused while reading this, thinking you just wrote it, and how it sounded a little too strict! I had a list like this too, and still do, but it’s much more realistic. You just don’t know what you’re going to do until you’re living it. You don’t know what type of sleep patterns and needs your baby will have! I still will NEVER let my child watch useless tv. Other than that, I’m just lucky to be functioning at all! Yoga pants are actually great for being a mom!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha! Well, I did just write it, but the key is the bottom part of the post, where I’ve realized just how crazy I’ve been thinking that raising a child could be that easy and perfect.
      In a way, having so much time to contemplate becoming a parent has been a blessing, because I am not naive in the same way I once was. Or at least I think I’m not. 🙂

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  14. Be careful there are a lot of things on that list you are going to regret writing down 😂 honestly don’t make such grand statements you don’t know what you’ll need for sanity at times

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      • Absolutely a list of things I will admit to having thought at least once in my life. But, also a list of things that I now realize are completely insane. 🙂
        I do hope to cook fresh meals most of the time. I really do hope not to yell at my child in public or at home. And that wearing pants one, I’m really hope I can pull that off. But, the more time I’ve had to contemplate becoming a mother, the more I’ve realized that I really have no ability to control all of these things.

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  15. My big “I’ll Never” is the video gam/cell phone thing. I watch my nieces and nephews being attached to their technology instead of being outside playing or interacting with us. The only exception is if we’re as family playing Just Dance or Wii Sports. Hopefully, J and I can stick to this one.

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  16. Your list is similar to mine when I was “parenting my imaginary children.” I laugh at myself all the time. I had the same list… and I was going to have 7-9 kids. HA HA!

    I swore I’d never bribe my kids with candy, or give in to the screaming. But some days, you just need them to back the f*ck off of you and you offer them whatever it takes to get them to stop touching you.

    Mindless TV… yeah… said we’d never, and we’re still pretty good about what they watch, but they do see a lot of the TV. The TV becomes a parenting tool, and it’s useful!

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  17. The “i never’s” left our vocabulary pretty quickly…especially the first night home, when we were co-sleeping not with one, but TWO babies in our bed! So yeah…we’re lucky to make it out alive each day. The only “i never” that has actually managed to survive in our house is, “I’ll never stop drinking this miraculous coffee!!”

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    • I love that you are focusing on the reality of parenting – lucky to make it out alive each day! That sounds about right. That’s officially my goal for when we have a baby. 🙂

      Like

  18. The only “never” I’ve ever aspired to is never spanking/putting my hands on my child in anger. I have heard so many people tell me I will change my tune/inevitably slip up. I agree that there will probably come a day when I lose my temper and lash out, but just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach and want to cry. I know a lot of people feel like they were successfully parented by moms and dads who spanked, but I was not. I had mostly great parents, but my mom walked a very fine line around “abuse” when she got physical, and that’s my problem with corporal discipline… Once you’re in a place emotionally/mentally where you really think your best/only option is physically harming your child, you are so far gone from control. My goal is to try to recognize when I’m getting to that place and take myself out of the situation where my mother could not. I really hope it’s one “parenting never” I don’t eat my words on!

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  19. I think about this often. Was actually going to post about something similar. My “never” list has changed a lot over the year. Now I’m almost like, if I can just have one baby I’ll feed them ice cream exclusively if that’s what they wanted.

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  20. Oh, yes, the “I will never do this” list. Four years in, a few things have stuck. Still no electronics at the table. No yelling in public (I am convinced whispering in their ears is far more scary to my children than my yell!)

    I swore I would make all of my own organic baby food. And then my son went on a hunger strike that finally started to scare me so calories became the goal over organic-and he then lived on hot dogs and chicken nuggets for a good two years.

    You quickly learn in motherhood to do what reasonably works and forget the rest!

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  21. This is awesome! I’ve had lists similar to this in my head, which of course have been edited over the years lol. It’s great to have goals, but I think whenever the kids actually come along, you do what you have to do to survive lol. Hopefully we both find that out soon!

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  22. Ah, “never” is a word that pretty much begs to be refuted… It’s so hard to promise not to do these things that every one of my mommy friends has admitted became a choice to preserve sanity. It may not be that they happen all the time, but as my best friend who is a wonderful mother of 3 high-energy kids, “Sometimes a show just has to go on so that Mommy can get a moment to herself, so I can shower or have a 15 minute conversation with my best friend.” I think the reality will smack us in the face, but it’s good to have things that you feel you don’t want to do (or do want to do) and then have the flexibility to bend when necessary for sanity’s sake. (I wanted to breastfeed at all costs too, and mourned that that option was pretty much lost for me but then was struck with a feeling of freedom — although I guess I can’t say I’ll NEVER feel guilty about that!) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I will never fish poopies out of the bath tub. I will never sing If You’re Happy and You Know It enthusiastically through Target while trying to grocery shop…I’m sure there are more. Dignity goes out the window but you will love every minute of it!

    And jinx on our blog postings today! lol.

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  24. Bwahahahahahha I was laughing so hard, not at the list but how many of those things were on my list when I found out I was pregnant. Then I thought a moment about how different parenthood really is as I was standing in front of the television topless because there was puke dripping down my back from an outing to the store, while Luke watched Law and Order SVU over my shoulder (only way he would not cry) after giving him a bottle of formula. Tonight he is going to fall asleep nestled up against me in our bed too….. haha. The one thing I’ve learned is that you have to be flexible and find what works for you. And what you think is going to work now may not be what actually works in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I have not worn pajama pants in public, and that is the sole accomplishment from your list. The thing I didn’t fully grasp pre-kid is how much of this is completely out of your control. My child’s feeding issues immediately threw a wrench in my ideas of how she would eat. The goal was clearly not mac & cheese 14 times a week. I was a frickin master tapdancer through Target last weekend, keeping my kid entertained and not having tantrums while I bought a week’s worth of groceries and no damn toys. We even pretend-changed her doll’s diaper in the bread aisle to avoid a ruckus. I ROCKED until she decided on the way back through the parking lot to stop in the middle of the street and scream because she wanted to play on the red ball in front of the store. Public tantrum, check. (And that was a minor one! Shall we talk about the time she 3 Stooged me? Thumb up nose, a finger in each eye, slapped me across the face and yanked my ponytail.) I used to judge people whose kids had tantrums in stores – not any more!

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  26. I was never going to be the parent who refused to go out without her kid. I used to think to myself, “Don’t those parents know what babysitters are for?” The truth is, I already spend most of my day away from my kid, the last thing I want to do in the evening is to leave her again. So far, very few events have been worth it for me. I’m still harboring the last point on your list: I don’t have many preconceived ideas of who or what I want my child to be, as long as she’s not a brat as a kid or an asshole as an adult.

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  27. I was not sure where to put this , but I thought you might want to see this…..here is the link, and then I will copy and paste the comment from Sandra Bullock

    Sandra Bullock Online
    “I’m tired of hearing from everyone that he is not my child, that he is not my blood. That I am so called “Adoptive Mother”.
    I am a Mother. I need no other label or prefix.I know I’ve adopted him and I am proud of it. He may not have any eyes, he may not have my smile, he may not have my skin tone, but he has all my heart. A mother is a person who raises, loves and provides for the child. It doesn’t matter if you share the same blood or not.
    I hold my son in my arms and thank God for bringing him to me. If the standard route for creating a family had worked for me, I wouldn’t have met this child. I needed to know him. I needed to be his mother. I know now why all those events happened. Or didn’t happen. So I could meet this little boy. He is, in every way, my son.
    I enjoy Motherhood now. If all of a sudden someone said, “You have five more kids” , I’d be totally OK with it.
    So guys Share this if you love your Children who are lucky to have you and to have a beautiful home. Let’s hope that Everybody reads this especially those who consider adoption as a Taboo and are against it. It’s perfectly fine to adopt. It is a gift of Life. The desire of your heart can give a child a home.”

    Like

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